Smile

Smile

A Poem by Veramor
"

one of those times when inbetween is the only place you know.

"

Smile 
Smile because your face lights up when you do
Because you love the feeling of the sun’s rays caressing your face, and glowing because of it 
Because you love when those same rays cause the morning pavement ice to sparkle
Smile
Smile because Thursday, your favourite day, is here once again
Because its...
your birthday, Christmas, Sabbath, New year, Quanza, Thanks giving 

and all the others you don't even know about

Smile
Smile because people are here
And...and people are fun!

And funny...

Yeah! 

funny...
They always make you laugh so smile
Smile to distract them from your screaming eyes! 
Smile...smile so they don't see
So that they wont see how you laugh but really the joke is on you
You who can't even tell the difference between tears of joy and tears of sorrow
You! who cannot tell them anything about yourself because

honestly

Your problems aren't important
They're just not news worthy
Smile 
Smile so that they won't tell by the slight quiver on the right corner of that smile that

To smile

Is strenuous exercise 

Because all your energy is spent on tears of 'in between' 
Smile 
Smile because the walls that are crumbling around you are not worth mentioning
Smile because the fathomless darkness that threatens to engulf you is negligible 
Smile because if they dont see you cry they wont ask questions
And if they don't ask questions, they will never know...
...they will never know the full depth of the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding 
...or how bitter the potion the physician within you subscribes
And if they never know... you can keep smiling 
Because your face lights up when you do

© 2011 Veramor


Author's Note

Veramor
I tend to forget punctuation :/ but please be as frank as possible...i can take it...i think lol

My Review

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Featured Review

First off let me say that your poem does have the grammar problems we talked about but not to an extent that it cannot be solved. I would suggest using less words and trying to leave more for the reader to eat and digest. For example instead of “Because you love the feeling of the sun’s rays caressing your face, and glowing because of it” Try something like “Don't you love the suns rays, caressing your face and making it glow” And also you didn't have to put smile in front of all those sentences, just using it on a line by itself makes it so much more powerful and gives it more weight and meaning and then you could just have because in front of every line or maybe even rephrase it so there is no because (because I slyly hate that word lool) Ok the review.

At first the language of the poem and its words made me think that it was going to be a trip into what a someone admires about their partner. By using words like 'your', phrasing the poem in the 2nd person and talking about things they love and that you love about them I automatically thought that this was the road the poem was going to go down but I was wrong but more on this later.

You go on in the poem and do a u-turn from this point “then Smile because people are here, And...and people are fun!, And funny..,Yeah!,.funny...” Then the real agenda of the poem is revealed. You begin to explore and convey deep feelings that you merely suppress with a “smile”. The smile being on a line of its own emphasises the power the action has and how it can literally covers up everything even though its still there, its still in the poem. The line “Smile to distract them from your screaming eyes!” almost says to me that you want people to know, your eyes are screaming for help. You cannot take it any more and are hoping to be rescued but for these reasons “Your problems aren't important, They're just not news worthy” You decide to hold everything in and suppress it under a smile. Even though “To smile, Is strenuous exercise”. For what reason you feel this way is not told. Maybe its the feeling of being close to many but in reality your far from everyone, your alone.

The subject in this poem has family and friends, they have support but maybe there are other things going on? Maybe there have been incidences that have occurred that do not only affect an individual but the whole family/friends e.g. the death of a relative. This could have been written at a funeral. This is just my mind running but you see where I'm going with this. I think that the subject believes that the pain will eventually subside, maybe they've experienced this before and its nothing new, just a process they regularly go through....so then why mention it? If they think that at some point it will be over way say? This does not mean the pain of what ever happened or is happening is not deep or strong but they have HOPE. They haven’t reached the brink yet, the cliff edge of desperation they may be close but not quite there and as long as they haven't reached that point they will continue to smile.

The lines you use at the end to try and encapsulate the pain at the end are very imaginative. My favourite being “or how bitter the potion the physician within you subscribes.” With all the imagery of smashing and breaking and the context of the poem I for some reason feel like this could be paralleled with domestic violence . Not to say your a victim but the words and the situation have similarities to such a situation where love is involved. Also because you used “physician” and “subscribes” (prescribes would have been a better word to help connote the whole medical metaphor) I thought of medication used to heal injuries from all the violence and abuse but that could just be me trying to bring everything back to love again. The line “Because your face lights up when you do” almost says to me that there's something about you that draws people to you. Your face “lighting up” would metaphorically attract people to you and in essence want to be around you, to spend more time with you, maybe even as a guide. Light is a powerful thing and for people to see that in you may also say that you are very respected and valued. People may look to you for advise, as a role model or even as a guide to keep them on the straight and narrow, to help mould them into good people.

Now back to the first part of the poem. You start of by talking in the 2nd person and admiring things about them but in essence this is really yourself. This is almost like a looking into the mirror moment. The poem is not directed primarily at the reader or another individual but at yourself. The affect of putting the whole poem in this 'speaking to self' form creates a wave of inclusion for the reader by almost speaking to them and passing a message but more importantly shows how the way you are feeling is not your true/usual self. So different is this from who you normally are that your are a second person within yourself. Looking in you have your private mirror moment and begin to speak to self and try an understand, not why you feel how you feel but why you do not do anything about it. You explain to your normal self that the problem is not relevant, important or “news worthy”. Its funny because your normal self has been trapped underneath your smile and has to result to other means to take the logical step of asking for help e.g. the screaming eyes and the tears of joy/sorrow.

The smile is almost like an attempt to revisit the time and the feeling of the first section of the poem. A default method to try and fix it all, to try and rewind back to the past and press pause and remain in a state of suspense in that time frame. But its not enough and you know its not enough never the less the smile still exists. Its a cycle, defence mechanism that you want/need to override but have not found the strength to. A sad cycle that we all go through at one point or another. What normally gets us out of it is those that are very close to us that can hear and see the screams from our eyes and can visually differentiate between tears of sorrow and tears of joy. The ones who truly know us and love us. Our Family and Our Friends.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

First off let me say that your poem does have the grammar problems we talked about but not to an extent that it cannot be solved. I would suggest using less words and trying to leave more for the reader to eat and digest. For example instead of “Because you love the feeling of the sun’s rays caressing your face, and glowing because of it” Try something like “Don't you love the suns rays, caressing your face and making it glow” And also you didn't have to put smile in front of all those sentences, just using it on a line by itself makes it so much more powerful and gives it more weight and meaning and then you could just have because in front of every line or maybe even rephrase it so there is no because (because I slyly hate that word lool) Ok the review.

At first the language of the poem and its words made me think that it was going to be a trip into what a someone admires about their partner. By using words like 'your', phrasing the poem in the 2nd person and talking about things they love and that you love about them I automatically thought that this was the road the poem was going to go down but I was wrong but more on this later.

You go on in the poem and do a u-turn from this point “then Smile because people are here, And...and people are fun!, And funny..,Yeah!,.funny...” Then the real agenda of the poem is revealed. You begin to explore and convey deep feelings that you merely suppress with a “smile”. The smile being on a line of its own emphasises the power the action has and how it can literally covers up everything even though its still there, its still in the poem. The line “Smile to distract them from your screaming eyes!” almost says to me that you want people to know, your eyes are screaming for help. You cannot take it any more and are hoping to be rescued but for these reasons “Your problems aren't important, They're just not news worthy” You decide to hold everything in and suppress it under a smile. Even though “To smile, Is strenuous exercise”. For what reason you feel this way is not told. Maybe its the feeling of being close to many but in reality your far from everyone, your alone.

The subject in this poem has family and friends, they have support but maybe there are other things going on? Maybe there have been incidences that have occurred that do not only affect an individual but the whole family/friends e.g. the death of a relative. This could have been written at a funeral. This is just my mind running but you see where I'm going with this. I think that the subject believes that the pain will eventually subside, maybe they've experienced this before and its nothing new, just a process they regularly go through....so then why mention it? If they think that at some point it will be over way say? This does not mean the pain of what ever happened or is happening is not deep or strong but they have HOPE. They haven’t reached the brink yet, the cliff edge of desperation they may be close but not quite there and as long as they haven't reached that point they will continue to smile.

The lines you use at the end to try and encapsulate the pain at the end are very imaginative. My favourite being “or how bitter the potion the physician within you subscribes.” With all the imagery of smashing and breaking and the context of the poem I for some reason feel like this could be paralleled with domestic violence . Not to say your a victim but the words and the situation have similarities to such a situation where love is involved. Also because you used “physician” and “subscribes” (prescribes would have been a better word to help connote the whole medical metaphor) I thought of medication used to heal injuries from all the violence and abuse but that could just be me trying to bring everything back to love again. The line “Because your face lights up when you do” almost says to me that there's something about you that draws people to you. Your face “lighting up” would metaphorically attract people to you and in essence want to be around you, to spend more time with you, maybe even as a guide. Light is a powerful thing and for people to see that in you may also say that you are very respected and valued. People may look to you for advise, as a role model or even as a guide to keep them on the straight and narrow, to help mould them into good people.

Now back to the first part of the poem. You start of by talking in the 2nd person and admiring things about them but in essence this is really yourself. This is almost like a looking into the mirror moment. The poem is not directed primarily at the reader or another individual but at yourself. The affect of putting the whole poem in this 'speaking to self' form creates a wave of inclusion for the reader by almost speaking to them and passing a message but more importantly shows how the way you are feeling is not your true/usual self. So different is this from who you normally are that your are a second person within yourself. Looking in you have your private mirror moment and begin to speak to self and try an understand, not why you feel how you feel but why you do not do anything about it. You explain to your normal self that the problem is not relevant, important or “news worthy”. Its funny because your normal self has been trapped underneath your smile and has to result to other means to take the logical step of asking for help e.g. the screaming eyes and the tears of joy/sorrow.

The smile is almost like an attempt to revisit the time and the feeling of the first section of the poem. A default method to try and fix it all, to try and rewind back to the past and press pause and remain in a state of suspense in that time frame. But its not enough and you know its not enough never the less the smile still exists. Its a cycle, defence mechanism that you want/need to override but have not found the strength to. A sad cycle that we all go through at one point or another. What normally gets us out of it is those that are very close to us that can hear and see the screams from our eyes and can visually differentiate between tears of sorrow and tears of joy. The ones who truly know us and love us. Our Family and Our Friends.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is an amazing poem. Could use some improvements but overall, this is seriously nice. :) Thumbs up. :-bd

Posted 10 Years Ago


Looove it! =) Amazing how you craft each sentence! good job!

Posted 10 Years Ago



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Added on February 17, 2011
Last Updated on February 19, 2011

Author

Veramor
Veramor

Milton Keynes, bucks, United Kingdom



About
Hi! I'm Zaliwe, but nearly the whole world calls me zee! Nice to meet ya! I would like to say I've been writing since I first grasped a cryolla but alas, I haven't. I don't write as much as I wish .. more..

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