Souvenir

Souvenir

A Story by Verse
"

Bear with me as I learn how to write short stories or prose poems.

"





The droplets seemed to jingle like the tiniest of bells as they cascaded down the waterfall and gave birth to the river.

Springtime's gift to the valley was the melting of the solid icecap that graced the head of the mountain. Beads of blue ice water dove and landed in their thousands, a cosmic paintbrush that brought with it a riot of colour as it passed field and meadow.

Villagers living near the river actually smiled on this spring day warm enough to witness the cascade. They could be seen shepherding livestock through the shorter grass of low mountain pastures, where the perfumed tender shoots of clover fairly called to the animals. Young and old alike could be seen on the riverbank, the women at various stages of their laundering and water gathering routines. The crispness of cool water assuaged those hands that were calloused and ravaged by winter.

One villager chose that moment to stand still, look up to the sky and wonder what might be out there.

Just as the ground began to shake beneath him.





Meanwhile, the same scene was being observed by a single blue eye through a lens as fingers gently removed the slide from beneath his microscope. Without comment, he labelled and stored the glass slide with great care, then closed the blue drawer.

© 2018 Verse


Author's Note

Verse
Go easy on me, critics, and welcome, friends! :):)

V

My Review

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Featured Review

This is absolutely brilliant.. and I am so delighted to be the first... to leave summat behind... every line adding something to its predecessor... the opening ..The droplets seemed to jingle like the tiniest of bells as they cascaded down the waterfall and gave birth to the river, are words I almost drowned in.... Neville

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Verse

1 Year Ago

Cheers, dear Neville!!! Smiles to you as always. I love it when you’re my first customer! :):)read more
Neville

1 Year Ago

I certainly get a bit of a kick out of it... my pleasure.. N



Reviews

Hello, Verse! :)
I enjoyed this write like the others of yours that I've read tonight. I think you have a unique voice. I think you're honest and open in your writing, and you're a bit quirky. If you have the time, I'd love for you to read my poem, Deep in a Crack. I never finished editing it, but think you might enjoy it.

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Verse

10 Months Ago

Hey there, Matt! Thanks so much for the reads, for spending the evening with my voice in your head!.. read more
This comment has been deleted by the poster.
mattavelli

10 Months Ago

There I wrote a witty response, but the site ate it. Here is the link to the poem I mentioned:
.. read more
This is an excellent piece of writing. The description is vivid and intense and gives the reader the sense of environment you're describing and the twist at the end just made it that much more enjoyable.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Verse

10 Months Ago

Thanks so much, Cherry! I’ve been away for awhile, and this was a lovely comment to come back to... read more
Cherry

10 Months Ago

You’re very welcome 😊
This feels more poetic than storytelling, at least until you get to the last two surprises (shaking ground & blue eye thru a lens). Even tho I was very much enjoying your lyrical descriptions that sparkle all over the mountain, I was also wondering where this was going, as a storyline. Your ending surprises pique this curiosity, making the reader eager to continue, so we can find answers to the questions you plant. There's a good balance between the lyrical descriptions & getting to a compelling aspect of your storytelling to keep the reader going on with interest (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Verse

1 Year Ago

Hahahaha! I know, right? It was one of the things that I couldn’t really deal with when studying.. read more
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Very nice. I love how descriptive it is.


Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Verse

1 Year Ago

Thanks! Happy to oblige. :):)

V
As usual Verse, the story you have created is full of life and wonder, where you can actually feel, see and hear it. I always enjoy reading your work!
Good job!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Verse

1 Year Ago

Grateful to you, Eternity!!! You have such a kind, supportive way with words, in poetry and in comm.. read more
I loved this little piece you wrote, V. The imagery is so beautiful and shown so artistically I could feel myself on top of the mountain, flowing down with the waterfall, and be the villager that stood and looked up, not to wonder about what's out there but to take it all in! It's a beautiful scene you showed us. I say "showed" because that's exactly what you did.

The grim ending only adds irony and melancholy to the entire thing; power elements to be used in any writeup, but you used it immaculately. :D

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Verse

1 Year Ago

Aw... I am humbled by such kind words. :):)

Thank you.

V
no, that's a really awesome concept, I love the twist

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Verse

1 Year Ago

cool! thanks, sweetie!
This has me intrigued and hooked. If this is you learning to write prose poems and short stories, then I can't wait to read more from you.
Your phrases here are rich in imagery which I very much admire. Could the last and first part be connected somehow? I keep digging into this piece.
Cool piece of writing, V. Also, flattering aside, I think you're a great addition to the genuine writers here. Consider me a regular reader although I'm rather lazy in reviewing (or rather, often fall short on words) :)

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Verse

1 Year Ago

Oh, bless you, Yumna! To your question, yes, the closing paragraph shows the world of the villagers .. read more
You built up a lovely scene > I had a picture in my minds eye a mixture of a local area Glenriiding on the shore of Ullswater with mountains behind and an Alpine valley in spring sunshine

Then the ground began to shake
Were you going to describe an earthquake ??????

The technician carefully labelling and putting the glass slide in its case
My thoughts cut in - Yes I could understand that - placing the delicate work in a safe place before leaving











Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Verse

1 Year Ago

Smiles, and sincere thanks for tolerating my flight of fantasy here.

I know you’re .. read more
Wild Rose

1 Year Ago

I loved it
Wonderful Verse. A great build up of quite hypnotic description, almost like climbing a staircase. Your final stanza, well I wasn't expecting that at all. The power behind that single blue eye. From a scene of tranquillity, teetering on the brink. Well written.

Chris

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Verse

1 Year Ago

Haha! Chris, your comments always sing music to me. No word of a lie... still smiling away even no.. read more

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659 Views
11 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on September 30, 2018
Last Updated on September 30, 2018
Tags: Metaphor, spirituality, blue

Author

Verse
Verse

About
Still learning this poetry game. I’ve brought my husband, W, and my stepson, N, with me this time, so make sure your comments are family friendly! more..

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