Chpt. 1

Luke sat at his desk with his head down. He was out cold due to the fact he hadn’t gotten hardly a bit of sleep the last night. Section Thirteen was a what people called the police department’s “ace up the sleeve.” It mainly dealt with cases that was out of their hands. Most dealing with bizarre murders or unexplainable events. The police force often referred to Section Thirteen as Ghost Hunters. A hand slapping Luke’s desk startled him awake. “Jesus Christ, Madeline, don’t bring me into the real world like that. You could give me a heart attack.”
“Well, maybe if you chose to sleep at home instead of on your job you could keep me from cutting years off your life.” She gave a jokingly smile at him. She hopped onto the side of his desk and started reading one of her regular magazines.
“Wait a second. You wake me up just so you could sit on my desk and read?”
“I’m sorry,” She apologized. “It’s just that, you know, my desk area is being renovated and your desk looks so much cleaner than the others.”
“So you think that gives you the reason to place your a*s on my new desk?” Madeline looked up as if considering the question.
“Yeah, I think that about sums it up. So, anyway, what were you working on, or rather, suppose to be working on?” Luke moved the mouse to his computer to interrupt the screen saver.
“Nothing, really. Just a couple of bizarre crime scenes. At least that’s what the police department considers them.” Madeline put down her magazine and looked at Luke’s monitor.
“Hey, I heard of that case on the news. It was about some victim’s suffocating to death but the police couldn’t find a reason why. You don’t think that’s odd?” Luke scoffed.
“Please, they could have choked on bubble gum for all we know. What I’m saying is that this case is in too early a stage for them to hand it over to us.” A sound came from the computer meaning that Luke just received a new e-mail. “What, now?” Luke opened his e-mail and skimmed through it.
“Well, what is it?”
“It’s another case. It’s about a couple of deaths at some behavioral asylum. They want me to investigate as soon as possible.” Luke stood up from his chair and grabbed his jacket from a nearby coat rack. Madeline came up behind him.
“Take me with you. I don’t have anything else to do. I’ll even ask if the chief will let me. Please bring me with you. I know I was just transferred here but I promise I will be a great help.” Luke let out a sigh. He couldn’t take it when Madeline begged him for something. He always seemed to give in. It was a definite weakness Luke had and she knew it only all too well.

Madeline may have been added to the Section Thirteen a little over a week ago but Luke knew her from college. She was young at the age of nineteen and was promised a full scholarship to any medical college of her choice if she agreed to some field time for a while. In short, the girl was a medical and mathematical genius. Sometimes Luke wished he would have gotten started at her age. He was twenty-four now. Being part of Section Thirteen had its benefits, so Luke would never complain out loud.
“Okay, alright. I’ll take care of chief just go get your forensics crap and we’ll go.” Within thirty minutes both Luke and Madeline were at the Asylum. As they stepped out of the car a sudden gust of wind picked up and almost knocked Madeline’s kit from her hand. Luke chuckled at Madeline’s struggle then looked up towards the sky. Great, Luke thought. Ominous, dark, clouds hanging over some creepy, desolated, and a creepy asylum. Welcome to a perfect scene for a horror film. “Well, this is the place. A gigantic, creepy, crazy house out in the middle of the gigantic, creepy, dense woods.”

“It’s not a crazy house. It’s a corrections facility.” The statement was more hopefully than factual. The two walked to the front doors and were greeted by two security guards.
“You must be the Section Thirteen.” One of the guards assumed.
“Yes, are the police here?”
“Yeah, they’re around back.”
“Is that where the crime scene is?”
“No, they’re looking for signs of the escaped offender.” Luke hesitated in his step.
“I see.” Luke said slowly. “Well, take us to where we’re supposed to go.” The two security guards lead Luke and Madeline to the room where the two victims were. They first came across a male doctor lying on the floor with a grotesque look on his face. Madeline shivered at the ghastly look.
“What happened to him?” She asked.
“No idea.” The second guard answered. “We tried to look at the camera footage but the damn thing blanked out just before the doctors arrived here. The first victim was Trent, I‘m guessing. Then inside,” The guard lead Luke and Madeline around the corpse and inside a decent sized, plain, room except for the second victim hanging on the far wall. “you have Maria.”
“Is that a pipe valve she’s stuck on to?” Madeline asked again.
“That’s got to be a pretty strong person to do that.” Luke commented “She’s impaled all the way through. Who was prisoner here? A pro wrestler?”
“This is gonna flip your lid,” The first guard chimed in again “but the person that was kept here was only a little nine or ten year old little girl.”
“Then she had to have some kind of help. There’s no way she could have done this on her own.” Madeline said. Luke turned towards her nodding his head.
“Just think. Look at how the doctor lying on the ground face is so distorted. If this little girl can do that then there is a pretty high probability that she can skewer this one through that pipe. Let’s take a closer look at, Trent, was it?” As Madeline took out her forensic kit she almost gagged when she looked at Trent’s face. His eyes were wide open but were rolled into the back of his head. His skin was dead pale but had hints of a small shade of green. His expression was a combination of horror and agony. Even his joints were locked in place. What was the most shocking feature was how his mouth was stretched abnormally long and stretched open.
“Oh, dear God. What the hell am I doing? I don’t even know where to begin.” Madeline took another glance but this time she couldn’t hold it in, turning around in time to vomit on the floor.
“Let’s just start off with looking over the files on this girl.” Luke followed the guards, while supporting Madeline on his shoulder, to a small private room. Luke took out the files on the girl. “Kayla...between eight and eleven years old. No relatives or known contacts. Five feet tall. Slender build. Long black hair, believed to be Caucasian. Pure blue eyes--there’s nothing in here at all that states any behavior?” One of the guards shook his head.
“Nope. Now that I remember, she was, actually, the most boring person here. She never did anything but stand in one of the back corners of her room. She never slept nor did she drink or use the restroom that we saw or noted. She never spoke either. She was assigned numerous doctors to try to figure her out but she either spooked them away or they just got frustrated and gave up.”
“I see.” Luke nodded his head. “Let’s go out back to see what the police came up with.” Luke and Madeline walked out the back door and approached what seemed like the guy in charge. Luke flashed his badge. “So, did you find anything?”
“Yeah, we got tracks going into the woods here and they head all the way until the stream at the bottom of the hill but unfortunately that’s where they end. They don’t appear on the other side of the bank so I have four units tracking either bank both ways.”
“How long ago did all this take place?”
“Judging by the female body, about an hour or two ago.”
“Then she couldn’t have gotten too far, right?”
“Who knows? Seeing that you’re here I’m guessing anything is possible.”
“Thanks for your time.” Luke turned and started walking back towards the door. Madeline had to practically jog with Luke in order to keep up.
“What happened? Is there something wrong?”
“Dead wrong. They’re not going to find her no matter how hard they try to track her down.”
“Why is that?”
“I just have a feeling. We’re just wasting our time here. We’ll have someone else tack care of checking the bodies. If my hunch is correct then those two are just a preface of what’s going to happen. This girl is going to continue to kill until she is stopped. What makes it worse is that there are probably people who will actually want her to roam around and will try to stop us at any cost.”
“Why would anyone do that?” Madeline asked now completely baffled.
“Because they are the ones who made her like this.”

Several security guards didn’t bother watching the camera monitors as they drank and gambled. They didn’t even see a shadow slip past one of the cameras.

“Ha! Sam, you’re on a losing streak. You’d best give up.” One of the drunken guards called out.
“My concentration is off because I’ve been holding my bathroom urges. I’m going to take a piss and when I get back I’m winning all of my money back with interest.” All of the guards laughed as Sam left the monitor room and closed the door. He instantly stopped chuckling when he noticed how eerie the halls were. “Stupid dim lights. There might as well be none at all, considering that you can hardly see.” After using the restroom he felt incredibly relieved and was ready to hit the poker table again when he heard a noise ahead of him. The lights were too dim to really make out anything. He took out his flashlight and gun and, cautiously, stepped forward. Something jumped from the shadows and landed in front of him. “Jesus, you scared me.” He bent down and picked up a stray cat. “It’s a good thing I already took a piss or else it would be all over my pants right now. Come on. You can keep us company.” As Sam picked up the cat he felt that there was something behind him but didn’t dare turn around. Instead, he rushed back to the monitor room.
“Yo, Sam, what’s the rush? Hey, where’d you find the cat?”
“Guy’s I think something or someone is out there.” The guards exchanged glances then looked at Sam once more.
“Did you see something?” One of the other guards asked.
“No, not really. But I know that there is someone.” Sam froze when he saw something appear on one the monitors. “Guy’s, look!” All of the guards shifted their attention to the monitors.
“What the hell is that?” One of them called out.
“I don’t know. A little girl, I think.” Another replied.
“Let’s go check it out.” The men stepped out of the monitor room and ran to where the camera spotted the girl. “Well, no one’s here now. Maybe she ran off somewhere else. Where’s Jimmy?” The guards looked around.
“Maybe he stayed behind for some reason.” Sam said panicked.
“No, I saw him come with us.” The guards backtracked to the monitor room and when they opened the door they all let out a gasp. “Dear, God. What happened to him?” Jimmy was in a chair with a repulsive expression on his face. There was a sound of a circuit breaking over head. One of the large coils of wires was cut and was about to come down. “Get away from here!” The guards turned around and started running in the opposite direction but before all of them could get away the live wire came down and the end struck one of the guards, instantly igniting him in a blaze of fire. The other three screamed as the body hit the floor. The already dim lights started flickering making the men stumble over several objects. Ahead they saw the little girl again.
“Hey, get out of here! It isn’t safe.” Sam called out. The girl ran off down the hall and the guards took off after her. They chased after the child for a while until they lost sight of her on one of the roof quadrants. “It’s like she knew where she was going.” Sam and the other two guards stopped a while to catch their breath. The girl was fast and managed to avoid every single dead end. The sound of a metal object falling seized their attention. They all immediately pulled their guns aware that what ever had killed Jimmy was probably still on the loose. The sound came from around the corner of one of the taller sections of the building. They heard the sound of a girl crying as the approached the area. When the guards rounded they corner they saw her sitting and hugging her knees. The child’s face was hidden behind her legs so the guards couldn’t tell exactly who she was. Suddenly, a shot rang out and one of the guards fell to the ground and didn’t move. The other immediately turned around.
“Sam! What the hell are you doing?” There was a look of pure fear on Sam’s face.
“I-I don’t know! I can’t control anything!” Sam then raised his gun and shot the other guard in the head. Sam looked at the girl and she raised her head and returned his stare with piercing ice blue eyes. He involuntarily raised the gun to his head. “Wha-what are you doing?”
“Exterminate.” Sam pulled the trigger and dropped to the ground.

Reviews

[ChloeKirk]

Spooky. This would make a good movie. But anyway just some suggestions- make it clearer what Luke and Madeline do-are they reporters? FBI? Also, how does Luke know what the deal is? If that's covered later I suggest you put in some foreshadowing or explain it a little bit. You can't have to explain everything now, just hint that there's a reason he knows why. One more thing, I doubt that seasoned investigators would throw up, perhaps find another way to show her disgust. But I did like it, it has some great spooky imagery and I want to read on to find out what's up.

[Creepy Swine Guy]

Very interesting. I'm a smidge confused as to where all of this action is happening with regard to Luke and Madelin. There are many more grammar errors than in the first chapter. Perhaps you wrote this chapter while sleepy? Or maybe haven't done an editing pass yet?

Despite the grammar errors you have held my attention and I am VERY interested to see what happens next.

[Black_Rabbit]

There's a bit of grammar mistakes but overall its a very intresting story line! I''m now going on to the next chapter( this chapter is awfully scary).

[The_Dreamer]

Exciting! Now i can't stop reading. You made an excellent first chapter!!

[Hipster Detective]

The plot and descriptions are nice, but you've got quite a few grammatical errors. Remember, show, don't tell. Don't have your characters speak out loud their every thought. That's not the kind of thing that people usually do. I agree with ChloeKirk, Luke seems to know an awful lot for being on a crime scene for five minutes. I do like the way you described the bodies though.