This Is It. {pt. 2.}

"This is it. This is goodbye."
GOD I HAVEN'T GONE ANYWHERE. I'VE ALWAYS BEEN HERE.
I'M SUCH A LIAR, GOD, I'M NOT BRAVE ENOUGH, BUT ONE DAY I WILL BE.
I'M SO TIRED OF BEING HERE BUT NOTHING HAS CHANGED YET EVERYTHING HAS AND I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME.
ALMOST 3 YEARS OF BEING LIKE THIS. I'M SO TIRED OF IT; I ONLY HAVE 9 YEARS  LEFT.
I'M DONE TRYING TO HOLD UP THE WEIGHT OF EVERYTHING. I'M TIRED OF HOLDING UP THE WEIGHT OF MY OWN HEART.
THERE IS NO POINT TO ANYTHING. THERE IS NO ONE ELSE BUT YOU AT THE END AND I'M DONE.
I'M DONE HITTING ROCK BOTTOM. I'M DONE FINDING THE END IN EVERYTHING BEFORE IT EVEN BEGINS. I HATE THE FUTURE BUT IT'S ALWAYS HAPPENING.
WHO WILL NOTICE? WHO WILL CARE? WHO WILL? WHAT IF? WHEN? HOW?
WHO: A LOT OF PEOPLE WILL NOTICE. A LOT OF PEOPLE WILL CARE. A LOT OF PEOPLE.
WHEN: NINE YEARS, TODAY, TOMORROW, GOD I WISH YESTERDAY.
WHY: A CAR CRASH, A BAD GRADE, TOO MUCH, NOT ENOUGH.
WHO CARES.
THEY TELL YOU NOT TO MEET YOUR IDOLS BUT HOW DO THEY FEEL ABOUT MEETING GOD?
I'LL FIND OUT.
I ALWAYS SAY GOODBYE LIKE IT'S FINAL, BUT IT NEVER IS.
I'VE SAID GOODBYE TO THE MIRROR SO MANY TIMES, BUT I'M ALWAYS STILL THERE. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. NOTHING IS PERMANENT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT PERMANENT.
I SAY "THIS IS IT. THIS IS GOODBYE" MORE LIKE A THREAT THAN A PROMISE, BUT EVERY YEAR I'M GETTING BETTER AT KEEPING PROMISES.
I PROMISE IN NINE YEARS, OR TODAY, OR TOMORROW IT WILL BE IT.
I PROMISE THAT WHEN I SAY GOODBYE I'LL FINALLY MEAN IT.
I PROMISE. I PROMISE. I PROMISE. I PROMISE. I PROMISE. I PROMISE. I PROMISE. I PROMISE. I PROMISE.