Almost Spring

Leafless limbs of oaks and elms weave webs against the sky

above forsythia lemon-drops, ill-repute tulips' lights

Squirrels tightrope across wood fence

sparrows blend with robins, wrens

Muslin Spring slips out of cold to

dress in daffodils.

Reviews

[Aura]

You describe the arrival of spring subtly, I envisioned a quiet morning and the first line of your poem made me think of a grey sky, as the trees were still leafless and winter usually has grey skies and spring involves alot of rain which is also a grey sky. It's definitely a sign of spring when we hear birds chirping, and see a squirrel every now and then! Sometimes a squirrel can be spotted in my backyard :) Thanks for sharing, I enjoyed reading this!

[Cherrie Palmer]

The delicate state of Spring laying down her winter frock for silken tendrils of green.
This is just beautiful.

[W. Barrett Munn]

Kind words, Cherrie. I am pleased you were pleased.

[Betty Hermelee]

a beautiful ode to the change of seasons; lovely images of trees against the sky, squirrels, robins all in their finest to make this transition spectacular. I like the phrase "muslin Spring slips out of cold..."
Well written piece.
Best, Betty

[W. Barrett Munn]

Hi, Betty,
Thanks for taking the time to read and respond. It is appreciated.

[Betty Hermelee]

You’re very welcome!

[Lisasview]

Good morning,
I love what Richard did to your little poem.
He added richness and fullness to your words...just by putting your words into proper line structure so they read, oh so much better...how very nice of him.
I enjoyed the poem with out the short breaks it originally had.
Lsa, early in Spain

[W. Barrett Munn]

Hi, Lisa,
What Richard did was to make this what might be end-stopped or end-paused, where the line ends are inclusive of the syntax.
One of the things I like about James Logenbach is his immense knowledge of prosody - he's like a human catalogue. His view - which he points out with great poems - is that all fine poems have some type of movement, that there is some break from the rhythm.
I like what Richard did, as well. I think, though, that I need to find some way to break that rhythm or alter diction. That's is the challenge!
Thanks for your comment.

[Lisasview]

You are most welcome Winston

[Richard🖌]

Hi again, Barrett 🌿

Um, Free Verse, one of my favorite forms to express in!
I find your syntax, metaphor, and imagery to be absolutely stunning, and though brief, here's a poet's poem that fills the heart and soul with glorious rhythmic beats of Nature's wonders … yet, they're cloaked in line-breaks. So, below's a simple example you might consider to better reveal them.

Livid limbs of oaks and elms
weave webs against the sky.
Above, forsythia lemon-drops
ill-repute tulips' lights.

Squirrels tightrope across wood fence,
sparrows blend with robins, wrens.
Muslin Spring slips out of cold
to dress in daffodils.

Your writer's soul is dancing free with this one … I simply love this little beauty.🔆
Blest be, Dear Poet! ⁓ Richard🖌

[W. Barrett Munn]

Richard,

Thank you, thank you, thank you. This is the feedback I like to get - suggestions to improve.
Thanks, again.

[Richard🖌]

It is a distinct honor, Winston,

You are most welcome, Sir⁓🍃

[Kelly Scheppers]

"Muslin Spring slips out of cold to dress in daffodils." The syntax of your words reads with such eloquence, Winston. So beautiful!

[W. Barrett Munn]

You are kind, Kelly. Thanks for the review.

[Red Brick Keshner]

The freshness and vibrance of Spring is apparent in every line. Loved the imagery and the movement are quite alluring and soothing while giving off renewed energy. Thanks for sharing.

[W. Barrett Munn]

Thank you, Frederick. I like the rhythm of this poem.
Speaking of which, I just read an interview of Ada Limon and she said she writes out loud so she can test the rhythm.

[Red Brick Keshner]

I never write out loud but recently have tried to mouth and write aloud even, in my head - like with the inner narrator. Usually, I would go back to what is written and check how it would go if spoken out. Most usually it does. It may vary from person to person. But that is my personal experience in a nutshell. Cheers.

[Chris Shaw]

Excellwnt imagery here. Livid limbs of oak and elm make me think of their stark, gnarled appearance before they gain their spring coat. Ill repute tulips, I saw bold brassy red, the colour of over applied lipstick.

Chris

[W. Barrett Munn]

Hi Chris! Yes, the tulips we have are deep cherry colored

[John the Baptist]

This is a splendid picture of a moment of nature, but the line that catches my eye is the one that mentions the "ill repute" tulips. I have heard for years about houses of ill repute, but never flowers. Have the Dutch been hiding something from us?

[W. Barrett Munn]

Never can tell when in Amsterdam.