A Step

A conversation I had with a friend brought up interesting concepts.

I was speaking to an upset friend
Who believed herself empty
A vessel of sadness and pain
These words pierced the fabrics of my soul
For I, too, was what she described herself to as
And for someone else to feel such dismay
Weighed heavy against my gentle heart

So I did what I thought was best to do
I related myself to her feelings of pain
To show her that she wasn't the only one
With a dark past that still burdens the soul
How we wished someone would hold us tightly
Until all pain and sadness melted from our shells
Making us happy and whole as we once were

"Only one thing makes me happy." She said
I surprised myself with the response I gave her
"It's a step. That's all. A step among millions you'll take."
She pondered what I said, trying to break it down.
"You don't need to be whole now, you just need to hold on"
I said these words but they did not feel my own
Since when did I have any wisdom in life's journey?

"No one will remember me when I'm dead and gone"
She said these words as if they were already definite
"No one goes through this life without leaving memories
The memories we create are the most important things left behind"
These words I spoke seemed too wise to come from me
I felt as though the words said were meant for both of us
Maybe this was my next step in my journey

"Give yourself time and you'll surprise yourself
That the empty shell may not be so empty.
When the time is right, I promise you'll be whole.
But for now just take life in steps.
Not focusing on footprints left when death comes
For death has not yet come."
And all I thought about were the steps

Reviews

[zaneybear]

this is beautiful, showing that people suffering emotional pain, and emptiness are not alone, there are people for them, it is just "a step" to get better, one step every day, one day at a time is all it will take to not feel that loneliness, this is so beautiful, I enjoyed reading it so much, I love the way you used to dialogue like a random conversation put inbetween your thoughts in this writing. good job, thank you for entering my contest, this really made me question those who are in pain, and ways to deal with that pain,

[Ian Faraway]

Thank you for the read and review, zaneybear. Best regards, Ian

[The Verse: A Poetry Jou..]

After reading your bio and a few other pieces, what a shame poetry is all I do, so I will give my thoughts! Uhm, your diction is questionable in certain parts, also the way you structure your poem and where you created pauses. Also the end might need some work in order to do the poem justice, it leaves you wanting more and not in a good way! Again this is simply my opinion, I truly wish their was a way to be less harsh, for that is not what I wish to convey!

[Ian Faraway]

At least you're honest and for that I respect your opinion. I admit that I agree with you. There are times I struggle to find the right words and right pauses and right ending to a poem because there is so much to be said. Thanks -Ian

[The Verse: A Poetry Journal]

Don't just write it, read it aloud to yourself, you will find the pauses, the words will fall right in and an end will come naturally and more logically.

[The Verse: A Poetry Journal]

Read it aloud many times though! truly edit your own work. because the truth is, you are a decent writer.

[Ian Faraway]

That's a good idea. I haven't tried to read my own writings out loud to see if they fall where they should. Thank you!

[shallimarRose]

"I surprised myself with the response I gave her
"It's a step. That's all. A step among millions you'll take."

""Give yourself time and you'll surprise yourself
That the empty shell may not be so empty.
When the time is right, I promise you'll be whole.
But for now just take life in steps." This is outstanding an read Ian and brings with it a powerful message we can all use... All you/we need is that first step and then keep taking life one day at a time one step at a time... So glad I came to read this.. xo shallimarRose

[Ian Faraway]

I figured you'd appreciate this. Thanks for the time to read this- Ian

[shallimarRose]

Very much so Ian.. thank you again.. Rose