With A Gun To Your Head

My second suicide poem.

Her fingers tap in rhythm

across the bathroom floor

as the bathtub fills with water

poor girl's shattered to the core

 

She reaches for the faucet

and turns it to the right

shutting off the water

the turns off the bathroom light

 

she undresses from her clothes

and steps into the tub

the ice water is a punishment

for being sick of all this grub

 

she sits into the water

shivers racing down her spine

the reaper thinks to himself

"her soul will soon be mine"

 

her heart beat goes faster

as she is now submerged

her screams of fear and pain

will soon be so unheard

 

her eyes begin to flutter

and they just keep on blinking

as her soul climbs out

what was this young girl thinking?

 

 

Author's Note

Every 16 minutes someone commits suicide.

Every 17 minutes someone is left to figure out why.

Reviews

[jdr / Jennifer]

wow- very powerful

[Crazy Cat Man]

a brilliant dark poem. its sad and tragic when someone decides to end their own lives. truelly shocking. not just teens but grown adults. i was truely sad when the football player Junior Seau killed himself. great poem

[kublakhan27]

Haunting, powerful, vivid...awesome^^

[Mazie Tackett]

thats so wrong not ur poem i meant the authors note

[A. V. Madison]

Pardon me?

[Mazie Tackett]

the suicide thing its so sad and wrong if they had some good friend or someone to help them they might not do that

[A. V. Madison]

Isn't it? It's just terrible what people can do when they get sad.

[Mazie Tackett]

ya i just makes me wanna give them all a big hug

[Harley (arbiter)]

2 words describe this poem. Powerfull and amazing

[A. V. Madison]

Awwwww Harweeee!!!! lol thanks

[AK]

Wow! This is pretty darn scary. Suicide poems freak me out, lol. But the poem is brilliant! It flows so well and has power in its clutches. Excellent wording syntax and rhyming scheme. Keep writing!

[A. V. Madison]

Thanks, AK. That means a lot.

[AK]

People wonder how a person can write such good poems when their young right? I get that a lot too:)

[Baby Ricochet]

Holy c**P! You're 11 years old? THis poem reads like one of mine just with less swearing.

[A. V. Madison]

Yeah, I'm eleven, haha! Don't worry, I get that a lot. But thank you.

[Dr. Wood ?]

I like the story in this as it builds...But it does need a little work in the scanning. I always think that if you are going to rhyme in verse it should have rhythm...And you do not have to put 'undresses from her clothes'...what else COULD she undress from...'silently undresses' would be better I think. Also try shortening some of it to 'The ice water's a punishment' to lose a syllable. There is more but I don't want to give the impression I am bullying. This is a great piece of work, I love the reaper waiting for the inevitable...Just needs tightening...Sorry to go on so

[johnnyqueer]

This is a fabulous poem. Suicide awareness is always important.

[A. V. Madison]

Thanks, Johnny. That means a lot.

[Alex Vidmar]

This is great. I love this.

[A. V. Madison]

Thank you.

[Alex Vidmar]

Anytime