How Things Are Going

How Things Are Going

A Poem by A. V. Madison

People always ask me how I am. Well, here's how I am.

I've got another year 
until high school, 
so I guess that makes me 
a big kid now
but when I was younger
I thought it'd be fun and games
laughing and dreaming
but that's not how it goes

My great grandmother's
her deathbed. 
She's got about a year. 
My sister's growing up too fast, 
I remember when she 
was a baby. 
My best friend has sliced up wrists.
I remember when they were smooth,
But I don't love her any less. 
I've been in love with a boy for a year, 
and it still hasn't gone anywhere. 
This isn't how things are supposed
to go.

Where is the fairytale I was promised?
I'm lying to my parents,
lying to myself. 
This is what being a big kid entails?
This is the way things are going. 

I've written and rewritten
plenty of suicide letters. 
I've got them stuffed up 
in my desk. 
It hurts the most that they're
finished now.
This is how things are going to go?

I'm a twelve year old girl 
with cut up arms and ankles, 
who matured far too quickly.
Who hardly eats, because even 
a sandwich makes her feel fat. 
Ridicules herself in the mirror 
each day. 
Has to deal with feeling unwanted, 
because the boy doesn't notice
how she loves him.
This is how it's going. 

I have to rely on the fact that 
tomorrow is a new day, 
but who says it won't be as bad
as this one? 
Because this is how things are going. 

© 2013 A. V. Madison

Author's Note

A. V. Madison
Thanks for reading.

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wow maddie! very honest i like that

Posted 9 Years Ago

I feel for this piece in my own ways. I'll say this about one aspect that you paint with your words...
Boys are simple but stupid... You gotta hit them on the head and be blunt, or they just don't catch a clue. If they walk away... then they weren't the right match. They won't grow out of that cluelessness stage until their are past 25 or more, unless a female trains them to be perceptive.

Thanks for sharing a piece of you. =)
Aaron - Wolfwind

Posted 9 Years Ago

"when I was younger
I thought it'd be fun and games
laughing and dreaming
but that's not how it goes"

Awesome job. I can connect to a lot of this.

Posted 9 Years Ago

A. V. Madison

9 Years Ago

Thank you :)
mess of gorgeous chaos

9 Years Ago

of course!
:l I still think you should tell him but I know you don't want to r48eiodjsxlzkm98efiosdjclxk

Posted 9 Years Ago

Aw... I know how all that feels. :l

Posted 9 Years Ago

"Ridicules herself in the mirror

each day.

Has to deal with feeling unwanted,

because the boy doesn't notice

how she loves him.

This is how it's going.

I have to rely on the fact that

tomorrow is a new day,"
A very good read and write...:)

Posted 9 Years Ago

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6 Reviews
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Added on June 23, 2013
Last Updated on June 23, 2013


A. V. Madison
A. V. Madison

Only a Kid, But Hard To Scare, CA

I'm Maddie. Clumsy. Short-tempered. Quite an oddball. Sort of silly. I make big plans then never do them. I have a fascination with tiny lights. I have atelophobia and OCD. I am the definition.. more..

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