I don't understand

I don't understand

A Story by WeakFreak

when you can't remember who you are

I don't know where I am. I'm sitting down, I'm pretty comfortable, maybe I'm on the couch, but what couch? I can see just fine but I don't know what I'm seeing. Chairs? Or are those people? I squint at them but I can't tell what they are. I try to think of what I was doing but I can't remember, I can't remember anything, oh wait, I remember the chairs, maybe some other things. Nothing makes sense though. I see something moving to my right, I lift my hand and touch it, well I don't touch what's moving I touch something else, it feels smooth and warm, then I realize it's a mirror, well no, not a mirror, it must be a window but I can't see out it, or maybe I can but the pictures out the window go by too fast for me to see.
"What are you doing grandma?" 
I turn my head, I didn't know someone else was here.
"Oh, hi there." I say to the boy, he looks like someone I know, but I don't think I know any teenage boys. Do I? I try to think of the people I know but none come to mind, my daughter was about his age, maybe he was a friend of hers. 
"Did you see something out the window?" Asked the boy next to me.
"Oh." I said taking my hand off the warm glass and putting it back in my lap, "Well no..." What was it he asked me, something about the window, "Not a lot."
I turn to the boy, "Do you come here much."
"Sometimes." He answered strangely.
I nodded and turned back to the blurry window, where was I again? I wonder if my daughter will be here soon. I think she was supposed to come over, I watch the widow for a moment but can't tell what a thing is so I turn the other way. A boy sits there, I didn't know there was anyone else here. When I looked at him he smiled, his face was very kind, so I smiled back.
Where was I again? I looked around, I must be in my house, but this doesn't look like my house, I looked up and to my left, a woman sat there she was holding something. Oh, I was in a car, I felt very silly, of course I was in a car.
"When are we going to get there?" I asked. Where was there anyway? Home? Must be, where else would these people be taking me?
"We'll be there in just a couple minutes." The woman said.
There is the woman driving, beside her sits a man, and the boy who sat next to me. I wonder where we came from, did we eat out? Maybe I was at their house. Why am I even with these people? I wonder but I feel like I should be with them. I look at the seat in front of me, it looks dusty, I brush it off, then stopped, that was probably someone else's job. I look to my right out the window. It looks warm outside, it's very sunny. The grass was very green. As I watch the bright grass I see a bunch of people in dark red running in the grass. Something seems strange about them, they look very out of place.
"That's weird?" I say.
"What's weird?"  
I turn to see who's talking, I didn't know someone else was here with me. There's a boy.
"There were people... men and lady's in the grass...." What was I saying, "Oh, um...and, there was something else."
"Yeah?" The boy says.
I looked at him again and smiled, he seems kind.
"It's a nice day isn't it?" He asks me.
"Oh yes." I say looking out his window, "It looks so nice, maybe we should have a picnic?"
"Maybe we should," He said.
"Good idea Mama." The woman randomly says from the front of the car.
I look at her for a moment, what was it she said? I turn back to the boy, all the sudden realizing that maybe these people don't want to have a picnic with me.
"Maybe you wouldn't want to have a picnic with me though." I say.
"I'd love to have a picnic with you." Says the boy.
I smile at him.
"Aren't you sweet." I say touching his face for a moment.
I wonder where my daughter is. She should be here soon, I think, where is she anyway? I look to my right and see a blurry window, or maybe it was a mirror. Where am I? Am I at my house? Where is my daughter? I feel very tired.
I turn and see a boy, he looks about my daughters age.
"Do you know my daughter?" I ask the boy.
He looks sad for a second....maybe he wasn't sad, "Yeah, I do know her." He says to me.
I nod, "Will she be here soon?" I ask.
"Uh, we're going to her house now."
Her house? What does he mean I wonder, where was I? We must be going to my house.
"Are we almost their?" I ask the woman driving.
"Soon, mama we're close." She says.
"Okay thank you dear." I say.
I look at the mirror next to me, it's very strange. Where is my daughter I wonder. Then I think about my husband, it seems like a long time since I've seen him, I feel kind of sad. Where am I? I look around, oh, I'm in a car. I glance at the boy next to me then see two people in the front.
"How much longer until we're there?" I ask the strangers.
The man in front of me speaks but I can't here him.
"We'll be there very soon Anne. The house is just past town."
"Okay thank you darling." I say.
I look at the boy next to me.
"Do you live around here?"
"Yes." He answers.
Why am I with these people, they must be driving me home. I look past the boy and I'm surprised by how sunny it is.
"It's so warm out there, it looks it..." I say.
"Yeah it's really nice." He says.
Where am I? why is my daughter not here?
"I always like the rain." I tell the boy, he says he knows, that's strange, "did I already tell you that."
"Someone else did." He says.
"Did my daughter tell you?"
"Yes, she did."
His face is so kind, have I seen it before? I put my hand on his face, "you have kind eyes." I tell him. I look at my hand and it looks very strange. I take it off his face an hold it in my other hand.
"My hand looks weird, I didn't think I was so old." I said with a laugh, I notice my wedding ring, where is my husband? He must be at work, I miss him, I wish he was here.
"you're hands are beautiful." the boy says.
"You're so sweet. No wonder my daughter likes you."
The people in the front laugh. "What?" I ask.
"Nothing mama, you're just funny."
I don't remember saying anything funny. I look out the window, I think it's a window. I wonder where my daughter is. Oh, we're in a car, we must be going to see her now.
"Sorry if I already asked but when are we getting there?"
"We're really close." The woman answers.
I look out the window of the car and watch houses go by. I don't know where my husband is, I miss him though. we pull into a drive way. oh good, we're here, but where is here? As they open the door I look at the house. I don't think this is my house, but I don't remember what my house looks like.
The nice lady takes my arm as we walk inside. She walks over to the couch and sits down with me.
"Jake, would you take my bag to my room." She says.
I don't know what's going on, I feel tired, So tired, when my husband gets home we should go to bed. Where is my daughter though.
"Okay mom." The boy says.
"And Ben can you please check on the dogs?"
The man says yes and takes some bags into another room. 
  I am very tired.
"Do you know where Ethan is?" I ask the woman next to me. "My husband." I say in case she doesn't know.
"he's... he's still at work." She says.
I nod, I miss him very much, I'm very sad for some reason, I'm very tired. I wonder where my daughter is.
"Where is my daughter, will she be here soon?"
"I'm right her Mama." 
I don't know what she means. I feel like Ethan isn't here. I look around the house, I don't think I know this house. The woman talks to me for a while, I forget how we got here, I ask where my daughter is. We talk more, she ask me about when I was little, I only remember a little.
A boy comes and sits by us.
"Hello there." I say and he says hi, he looks like I know him, not just know him, is he my son? No, I only have a daughter. Why do I feel like he's close, maybe my daughter knows him. I'm very tired, I want to go to sleep but I'm going to wait for Ethan to get home from work. Is this our home? Is he at work?
"What's you're name?" I ask the woman. I hope I haven't asked before.
"Kelly." She says.
"Oh!" I say, very excited, "My daughters name is Kelly."
She looks very sad. The boy asks his mother if he should put any food in the oven, they talk for a moment but sometimes I can't tell what about. I'm very tired and want to go to bed.
"Do you know when Ethan will be home?" I ask.
"Soon, are you tired?"
"Yes." I say, "I'm very tired."
"Why don't you go to bed, and when he gets here I'll tell him to come up?"
I had a thought of Ethan coming in on a late night and kissing my cheek when he thought I was asleep. Why did that seem like so long ago. I really missed him. Was that last night?
"I'll wait." I say, I don't feel like I've seen him all day.
I looked around the house, this wasn't my house was it? I look at the woman next to me.
"What's your name again? I'm sorry dear."
"I'm Kelly." She says.
"My daughters name is Kelly." I frown, looking at her, her eyes, so soft, so familiar, I started crying as I remembered, "Kelly." I said, putting my hands on her face. 
She cries too and hugs me. A few seconds ago, I thought I was only just in my thirties, now I was remembering everything from then, not everything there were holes. We hold each other and cry. I still don't remember why I'm here, I know Jake is my grandson, I don't remember some things, but right now I remember that I forget.
"Mama," Kelly said pulling away from the hug, "Your okay."
I put my hand on my daughters face, knowing any second I'll forget that she's this beautiful woman and not a teenage girl...maybe I won't even remember that.
"I know." I say, "I love you Kelly."
Then I remember more things, and I put things together in my head while I can still do that.
"I love you too mama." She says as we both still cry a bit.
"Daddy...he's gone?" I don't know why I ask, even though I can't remember how, can't remember when, I know he died. Kelly nods her head and we both cry more and more. We hug again and I tell her it's okay. This is how life goes, it's not fare but it's true and it's real, and at least we had the time we had.
"It's okay," I say, "Your dad and I will always be with you and with each other. We will always fill up each others hearts."
We pulled out of the hug both still crying, I can feel it, like my memories are being pulled back into the deep depths of my mind. As if my memories are being stolen from me, stolen again after I just stole them back. I don't want to forget, but they're going, and there's nothing I can do......
I'm very tired, I feel strangely sad, Where am I? I looked around, is this my house, it doesn't look like my house, or does it? I don't remember what my house looks like. I look at the woman next to me, there are tears on her face. I put my hand on her face.
"Don't cry dear, why don't you tell me your name? What can I do to help you?" I asked feeling very bad for the poor thing. 
I do wonder where my husband was though. The woman wipes her face.
"I'm fine." She says, though she still looks very sad.
"Do you know where my daughter is?" I ask.
She takes a deep breath, "Yes, she says she misses you and she loves you...." She holds back tears and I worry if this woman is okay, "...and she'll be home soon."
"That's good." I say, "Are you okay dear, do you need anything?" I say brushing the woman's soft hair with my finger.
"I'm okay," She says, "thank you."
I sit there for a moment and the woman next to me doesn't talk. This house looks strange, I can't tell if it's mine or not.  A boy comes and sits by the woman next to me, he lays his head on her shoulder. I think he's the same age as my daughter, he has soft eyes like hers.
I'm very tired and I just want to go to bed with Ethan. I turn to the woman and she looks at me.
"Do you know where my Ethan is? I'd like to go to sleep." I ask.
"You'll see him soon." She says, "Let's get you to bed."
Once I'm in bed I ask her where my husband is, she says I'll see him soon. I close my eyes and drift off, I'll see him soon.

© 2019 WeakFreak

Author's Note

let me know what you think!

My Review

Would you like to review this Story?
Login | Register


Wow, that made me cry buckets. I had a job caring for a woman with Alzheimer's and Parkinson's, and her disorientation was heart breaking. You captured it so beautifully. I guess that's a possible fate for all of us. I only hope to be as kind as she is. Excuse me, I need a new box of tissues.

I noticed two tiny technical mistakes.

["Oh." I said taking my hand off the warm glass and putting it back in my lap, "We'll no..."]
That would be Well, not We'll

["Mama," Kelly said pulling away from the hug, "Your okay."]
That would be You're not Your

Posted 2 Months Ago


2 Months Ago

thank you, I hate it when people don't point out mistakes. My Grandma has Alzheimer's and she is sti.. read more

Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


1 Review
Added on February 1, 2019
Last Updated on August 8, 2019
Tags: sad, true, real, love



somewhere, ID

I'm kind of odd, and kind of normal, I'm good at faking things and I like writing cause I can tell the truth and no one thinks anything of it cause to them it's just a poem, or just a story. And maybe.. more..