Retrace

Retrace

A Story by YouoweYoupay
"

What was I...?

"

 

There was this familiar pulse in my ears and a lukewarm phantom sighed within me. Hummings and chimes, a buzz, a chirp, and a rustle all escalated and diminished in rhymes. My senses recognised the scent of loam and fruit near by. The black vanished revealing a picture of blue and cotton white smudges. A breeze toured close above me. I felt a fondle down my limbs and I twitched, lifting my body off the ground. It was drifting further from familiar now, with every rush under my skin. The pulse in my ears dashed faster. Louder.

 

 A panorama of curved, far away, misty violet, and an even deeper blue surface glimmered in a pond surrounded by rich green. A creature emerged from behind me, sailing swiftly into the blue, leaving behind a curve of fuzzy white that leisurly landed betwen my eyes. I shuddered, spontaniously brushing it off with a strange-shaped limb. It stretched out of my body, long and slender, with five little twigs sticking out from a flat lobe. Fingers? Like the ones humans have? It was layered in smooth, brown mesh. Black, feather-like waves streamed down my neck. No. It wasn't feather, I thought as I stroked it, lowering my head to notice the glass-like shells at the end of each finger. I felt a throb down my body somewhere and I flinched, recoiling to the back. Two, long limps stretching down from my body squirmed on the green earth.  What was I...?

 

 Another breeze playfully ruffled the black waves stinging my eyes, and a song resounded from somewhere above. My eyes scrutinized all that was around me. All the tall, dark towers crowned with thick, tangled pale green, seemed like they've once tried to reach the blue space above. Rowdy, brown creatures, with limbs similar to mine, skipped loosely between all the green. They chanted and chattered and fought over fruit, but that never distorted the beautiful song still being composed from that tree further. It was the same creature with white feathered wings. I was drawn towards it. I shifted, dragging my form towards the tree. A recognisable need sharply protested. I turned around and stared at the blue surface behind. My fingers reached my throat. It felt dry inside me. Could I sing too? Call out for help?

 

  I learned that my lower limbs could flexibly bend and I crawled back to the blue surface. I looked down at the bubbling, transperancy, where a human face stared at me with black hair, brown skin and olive-green eyes. Who are you...? I thought lowering my fingers, disturbing the image. Wonderful, slow droplets trickled down and fell back into the blue surface, redering flawless ripples of all sizes. I held a finger close to my tongue and sipped the drops. The human in the reflection imitated each move.

 

"She's back!" I heard a joyful voice announce.

 

"Are you sure!?" Another responded after a gasp.

 

"I am. White informed me. She has to be around here somewhere."

 

 White...? Have I heard that name before? I thought as the two voices increased, apporaching. The beautiful, white-winged creature hovered close above me, this time, followed by a crew. They soared up so fluently, befriending the breeze, which swiftly lowered and blew in my direction, carrying a scent I can never confuse. A gift. A relic. The human face in the reflection had eyes suddenly brimming with nostalgia, and an upper limb stretched up to the sky, where all the wings had disappeared further, leaving a confetti of pure white, leisurly prevading down touching the blue surface.

 

"Wait...Come back!" I watched the human jaws in the reflection move trying to initiate something, while a whimper crawled out of my throat. "I'm home..." I saw the human lips curve up. A smile, as I have been once told.

 

© 2010 YouoweYoupay


Author's Note

YouoweYoupay
Reviews, ideas, sugesstions, corrections, and comments are all appreciated.

My Review

Would you like to review this Story?
Login | Register




Featured Review

Beautifully written. I love the figurative language that helps the reader to see, hear and feel what is going on in this dreamlike situation. Carefully chosen vocabulary adds a richness and credibility. One or two spelling slips jar a little but otherwise impressive.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

You’re doing fine job there always some fine tuning in the end. Great job.

Posted 9 Years Ago


now this is what story writing is about, basically captivating the reader until
the last word, hook, the wording, line, grammar, and the sinker is the
experience you create in words, any one that can write this good has
many options in the writing world. o yea and the story, sweet

Posted 9 Years Ago


Really nice. It's like being born all over again. It had me hooked from beginning to end. I think this might be the start of something. I would really like to see the story lengthened into something bigger (like a long story, or a book?). But it's up to you. Don't mind me. Otherwise, it was great. Very creative, and very intriguing. You've got talent. Nice job.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Amazing descriptions! They were wordy enough to paint a perfect picture but not so much that it was "too" much. I loved the way you explained the confusion/panic/curiosity that the character went through of seeing all the different shapes and colors.
The only thing; I think when you were describing the scenery you made it out like there were no real shapes, just fuzzy mists. Maybe you could use "squiggles" or "circles" or any other shapes, cause it kind of threw me off :/
Other than that this was great! I was immediately hooked and wanted to keep reading to know what was going on :D

Posted 9 Years Ago


Nice way of portraying a dream. Loved it!

Posted 9 Years Ago


Beautifully written. I love the figurative language that helps the reader to see, hear and feel what is going on in this dreamlike situation. Carefully chosen vocabulary adds a richness and credibility. One or two spelling slips jar a little but otherwise impressive.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

liked this...... nice detailing...... good work......

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Has a dreamy quality that I'm inclined to say that this is a dream.

-----

a few spelling and grammar checks.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lovely style of description and use of alliteration.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

343 Views
9 Reviews
Rating
Added on October 9, 2010
Last Updated on October 10, 2010
Tags: reborn, supernatural, memories, remembering who you are, changing forms

Author

YouoweYoupay
YouoweYoupay

Amman, ..., Jordan



About
"The Universe is made of stories, not of atoms." ~Muriel Rukeyser "There is no one more rebellious or attractive than a person lost in a book." “He allowed himself to be swayed by his con.. more..

Writing
Geist Geist

A Story by YouoweYoupay



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..