Consoling Darkness [Final Draft]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I looked down at my hands and they were sizzling, with vapor literally circling the quivering finger tips. Did I just send them flying across the room? But I was not a magician. I barely even believed in magic. Adam wiped his forehead with a groan, sweeping away the clutter of books on his knees with the other hand, "I'm-m sorry." I said offering him a shaky hand, "You 'kay?"

 

"I'm fine." He composedly said, his blue eyes observing mine, as if trying to figure out where my hocus-pocus suddenly popped out from.

 

"I don't how this just happened when I'm not even a Guard-"

 

I gasped as the skin of his hand met my palm, his touch scrolling the current scene out of my sight, pulling me into me to an outlandish city devoured by fire and ashes. My eyes traced splinters of flames crossing the sky like shooting stars over a mighty tower that rapidly tumbled down. I could smell burnt skin and hear tragic female mourning. My heart rushed and bile froze half-way in my throat. These were not my memories.

Author's Note

Alright, this is like another version of a teaser. And the good news is: the whole chapter is almost done. Bad news is, you're gonna have to wait for a few more hours *nervous chuckle*

P.S: OH! And another good news is: I've recently posted this cute short story about Jad's hygiene-freak of a sister getting infected with hairlice! Check it out and tell me what you think:

http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/Wella%20D./706847/

Reviews

[GrandDystopia]

This leaves me with a lot of questions but thats why i like it, this was intriging and beautifully written, i have to read more of your stories, you really know how to write a good one, keep it up!

[Calypso]

Wonderful!

[Deviant Works]

Oh my gosh! What's happening??? Now I have a billion questions! I feel like I am reading a nail-biting thriller. Like I should hurry up and turn the page because something terrible might happen if I don't. What's going on??? Transformations and toxins and memories and a bunch of other stuff too. If this was a television show I would be crying right now because of your ending and having to wait for more. But thankfully I don't have to wait. Perhaps I will be able to sleep tonight.:)

[J. R.]

The final line really drew me in.

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

Oh, that last line just drew me in......this is the kind of writing I adore reading!

[Coyote Poetry]

Photo and words were very strong. I will come back on my next set of day offs and read the complete story. You are create a interesting tale. Thank you.
Coyote

[Emunah June.]

Wow! I think I'm going to have to get into the story.

[Chris]

I haven't read the chapters prior to this (I came here because of the read request you sent me), so I might not be able to say much as far as the story itself is concerned. However, I can say that I liked what I read. The sentences flowed nicely, and there were some nice descriptions in these couple of paragraphs; the one for the city stuck out to me the most.

One thing I do want to point out, though, is the grammar. Everything looked fine other than the bit concerning the dialogue. For example:

Adam wiped his forehead with a groan, sweeping away the clutter of books on his knees with the other hand, "I'm-m sorry." I said offering him a shaky hand, "You 'kay?"

There should be a period after both uses of the word "hand." The period after "sorry" should be a comma. And:

"I'm fine." He composedly said, his blue eyes observing mine, as if trying to figure out where my hocus-pocus suddenly popped out from.

There should be a comma after "fine," not a period, and "he" is supposed to be lower cased.

Of course, I could be wrong if where you live specifically dictates otherwise, so I guess there could be a slight possibility of me being wrong about these corrections, but, regardless, I thought I'd point them out anyway, just in case. :)

[Daydreamer54]

wow, i loved it! the pciture goes perfectly eith this and it helps me to visualize the last paragraph1 great write! :)