I Don't Mind

If you want to come back to my place, you can if you want?

It's really messy and my roommate is a b***h but

I'm sure we would have a great time.

I have some whiskey in the cupboard if you want a glass?

I'm not a big drinker but I can be for tonight.

Please ignore my underwear on the floor,

I forgot to put them in the laundry.

Before you kiss me,

I haven't done this much so please

don't look at my belly button.

Don't laugh! I had it pierced

but I took it out and now there is an ugly scar.

You don't have to rush off but

I'm sure you're a busy guy.

Don't feel you have to leave or anything,

you can stay,

I don't mind..

Author's Note

For all of the sweethearts who are abit shy and self-conscious! Please give me your thoughts about it, criticism is welcome of course.

Reviews

[B]

I like it because it relatable. Like, you have no trouble creating a mental picture. Nice work on your use of descriptions!

[Alex]

Thank you so much! I'm really glad you found it relatable, that's awesome.

[Roshan Nair]

Very breezy piece it seems to me. I like how you have given an unpretentious representation to your surroundings, probably giving a view into your inner self even. nice work!

[Alex]

Thank you for your thoughts and kind compliments- it means a lot! What do you mean by breezy by the way- I'm intrigued! Thanks again for an amazing review :)

[Roshan Nair]

Meanwhile didn't have to expend myself deciphering anything.. It was very easily understood, whilst still maintaining the essence of your message :) hoping to check out more of your stuff :)

[Alex]

Oh thanks, that's awesome! Please do, I will browse your side of the café and all :)

[Roshan Nair]

For sure :)

[B. Hudson]

really like this! good representation

[Alex]

Thank you very much, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[MomzillaNC]

That awkward, hopeful/fearful feeling of that first tentative intimacy is clear in this one.

NOTES: I suggest changing the opening line to something like, "Do want to come back to my place?"

I suggest something like this for the first line of the second stanza, "There's whiskey in the cupboard, if you want a glass."

If you're going to use punctation in your poems, it's important to use it correctly and throughout all the lines: example, "…my roommate is a b***h, but," When "but" is interchangeable with "however," it usually includes commas. When it is interchangeable with "instead," it often does not include commas.

Remember: NOTES and comments are only every recommendations. Yours is the Poet's Voice and only you know how best to make it heard. We're all here to grow and to help each other grow.

[Alex]

Thank you for your thoughts! I will be sure to have another look over this one. I agree, I prefer criticism as I only want to better my writing- please don't worry about offending me! Thanks again for your help and taking your time to review.

[Gee]

It's the butterflies I remember from my very long ago teenage years.Really good poem,bang on with the thought process.Clever.

[Alex]

Yes! I'm glad I was able to help you remember. Thank you for your compliments and for taking your time to review- much appreciated!

[Gee]

You're most welcome

[Coyote Poetry]

Good to go slow and easy. Allow the imagination and possibility to become better. I liked the pace of the poem. Easy going and allowing things to fall into place. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Alex]

Yes, I completely agree! Thank you for your kindness and for sharing your thoughts on the piece, it's greatly appreciated.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome. I always enjoy your poetry.

[Saddam]

Very nice one dear friend. I like it if you don't mind.....hahaha

[Alex]

Thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it, thanks again for your kind review :)

[RileyRedding]

This is so awkwardly adorable.

Like the narrator is walking a tight rope between self-doubt vs. self-certainty.

It's a beautiful display of how pure an encounter like this can be.

[Alex]

Thank you Riley! I love how you percieve it, I completely agree. Thank you for your thoughts and for taking your time to review.

[KeeD]

Its very inviting, like a comfort level is built in this poem. Defenses have been dropped and its more than just intimacy that breach these walls, its friendship. Hey i'm just saying I don't mind either.. the only ugly scars are the ones that people never talk about.

[Alex]

I'm happy you found it comforting- a little different to my other dark writing haha! I love the intimacy and friendship thoughts, I completely agree. Ugly scars shouldn't be seen as ugly, they should be seen as human right? We all have flaws so acceptance is key I think. Thanks for your words!

[KeeD]

acceptance is key.. couldn't have said it better.. :3

[Amy J]

Love this so much!
Thank yoooou!

[Alex]

I'm so glad you like it, thanks for your kindness!!