Here's to You

This poem sort of speaks for itself.

I want to know how come I'm never noticed or truly seen by you? Like a static shock I'm invisible but you still feel me even when you don't want to?
I want to know how you can really see me when you always have that constant blank stare?
I want to know how you can really know me when you keep faking that you care?
Will I ever have your approval? Will I ever have your unconditional love?
I want to be important to you. I want to be that someone special you talk so highly of.

In the end I really do want you to be that special someone that spends hours and hours by my side holding your hands in mine.
In the end I want you to hear my last words and see my last attempt of a smile, and I want you to know that letting go of me is fine.
I understand that the love you were given in your life was for the most part all just pretend.
I understand that is why you couldn't love me as much as I loved you, and that is why our relationship we could never seem to mend.

SO HERE IS TO YOU *RAISES MY BOTTLE OF WINE HIGH*
SO HERE IS TO YOU *MY LAST WORDS BEFORE I LITERALLY DIE*

Your love you gave was the only love you knew.
A lot of anger, a lot of tears, a lot of abuse.
Your love you professed to be utterly and completely true.
But it wasn't, how could it be? Your screws were way to loose!
I don't want your hand in mine when I die.
I just said that to sound nice but it was just a lie.
You are in fact the last person in the end I want by my side.
I wish that at my birth I really would have died.
I don't want your approval, and I don't want your love.
I don't want to be that someone special you speak highly of.

You never heard any of my words while I was alive so why the hell would I want you to hear my last words in the end?
I hate you and all that you have done. You always gave me false hope that on you I could actually depend.
All because of you I pushed away all those who really seemed to love me in my insignificantly pathetic little life.
So now (Thanks to YOU) I choose to die today with out no one by my side. In the end all I give to you is this....a final decision:

ROPE, GUN, OR KNIFE!!??