Demonic Words

Accusations flying, jaw clenched,

You assume my girlfriend left me by choice,

You call her a w***e, you call her a s**t,

Heart clenches and tear ducts silently scream,

Hand aching for her touch,

Curling into a fist at that pain,

Stomach twirling and sliding with the butterflies,

Panic flying into the pools of view,

Once around corner, tears flood overboard,

Fist thrust into mouth, eyes slammed shut,

Panic laughing, throwing punches every which way,

I just want her back,

You call her a w***e, you call her a s**t,

Fitting into the society we were born into,

I love her, and she loved me,

Now you call me names, passing the blame,

I miss her, I miss her everyday,

heart breaks at dawn, another day without my love,

I want to see her one last time,

Tell her I love her, to caress her beautiful scarred arms,

But you took that away from me,

With your demonic words and crippling looks,

You left me with nothing but a slab of stone,

To whisper my dreams and sorrow,

Hand upon cold, cold death,

Heart laid under ground with hers,

Your demonic words and crippling looks,

Killed the both of us.

Reviews

[CaffeinatedMe]

Initially I was surprised by the content being such a contrast from the title. Little further through my assumptive manor thought it was a broken heart because of a break up. Starting at the 3rd to last stanza I felt like an a*s for my subconscious making any assumptions. Love the "You left me with nothing but a slab of stone" line.

[SelenaThomas]

I really love this. Your overall message here is so powerful it really hits home and brings out emotions in your reader. As others have stated, I think the real winner of this poem is the line that says "You left me with nothing but a slab of stone" because at that point you really bring the whole thing together and concrete the overall tone of the piece. The only thing I would consider looking at is possibly the over all rythm of the poem and how it flows as well as the grammar. The flow is mostly fine, but there were some places I stumbled in trying to read it smoothly. I noticed it helps if you don't look at it for awhile (like a month or so) then come back and try to read it as an outsider. The grammar for poems can be tricky, especially because there are no concrete rules like you would have with a standard novel. What someone once told me was to write it out like a normal sentence and see what punctuation would go where normally, then try to break it up (reformat it) from there.

[WillaDanvers]

Thank you! and will go over the poem to try and fix the flow!

[Hebe]

I just kept reading couldn't stop... that's the greatness of this poem.... you want to know what happens....the slab of stone... really brought it home!