The Cat with the White Heart

For Fuzzy, I wish it were more.

The cat with the white heart was borne not too long ago- though for a cat it was quite a while. She wasn’t the prettiest cat in the world, she was just average. Despite this she had one thing that all the other cats in her litter did not - on her chest was a patch of white. Her white heart. The other cats did not understand what she her. They were all black, or beige, or white- but not her. This cat was different. She was black as the night and scrawny; oh so scrawny. She was always the last in her litter. She was the last to be borne. She was the last to be fed. She was the last to be taken.

Away.

Of her eight brothers and sisters the cat with the white heart was unpopular, to say the least. The cat was always ignored by the terrible lumbering creatures that would come by, and she was upset by it. The other cats seemed to have so much fun, they felt so much love. Not her. Her heart was pure and unscathed, yet she was unloved. Never would they bend down to pick her up. Never would one of the other cats groom her. It didn't happened.

As the days, weeks, and months went by her siblings were taken. One of the tall ones would take them away... take them to a place of warmth and light. They would take them to their better world. The one where they would always be first- always be loved. But not her, not the cat with the white heart.

She was alone, the cat with the white heart. She was the last one of her siblings. She sat in the yard; dreaming of that special little girl who would one day come for her. That little girl who would one day give her warmth and happiness... happiness and love. She dreamed of one day being in a house of her own. She would be allowed inside of course, never to be kept out in the cold. In this dream she would always be fed, the tall ones wouldn’t ever forget. The girl would love her.

Love.

The cat with the white heart had never been loved. She had felt it for others. Felt it for all the little boys and girls who would come and play with her siblings, but she was never loved. The cat with the white heart begged a merciless god for love. She didn’t beg for food, or the home with the soft places. She didn’t even ask for that much love. All she wanted was the gift of one special girl's love. She wanted one person to hold her, just one. She wanted one person to love her unconditionally- just one.

Oh, my dear reader, we both know what happens next. What had happened- and indeed what always happens. That fickle man in the sky heard. She was sure he heard. Did he listen? Did he grant her one, simple request? Did god give the one he had made so badly wrong just that one sliver of grace? A silver lining. It’s a funny idea. It’s what most of us want. It’s what the cat with the white heart wanted. It’s all she prayed for- every night. She begged god every night for this one, simple thing. Oh dear reader, we already know what happened.

God is cruel. He did give her what she asked for. Just... not what she wanted.

Love came for the cat with the white heart not long after her siblings left. The special girl who the cat would be loved by came into the yard and looked around. The cat with the white heart was the solitary kitten, yet the girl looked. Why didn't she want her? She looked and looked for a better option, but alas, she was too late. The only toy left for her to play with was standing alone. The cat stood in the yard begging, pleading, praying, imploring, demanding, insisting, waiting, desiring, longing, and needing. She needed the love, she needed it.

The little girl, the special girl, walked up to her, so it was a done deal. The cat with the white heart was released. After however long it was that she had been waiting she would be loved. She was taken home that day with the special girl. She was taken into a new home, a lovely home. It had pillows, and chairs, and food, and light. It had love, and warmth, and calm, and beauty. God indeed had smiled on this little cat.

As if.

Very quickly the cat with the white heart learned of the terrors that stalked her new home. The special girl lived with a monster. The monster, the old one, was like the others. She was black and sleek. She pretended to be nice, but she was bitter and cruel. Once, long ago, the old one had been the cat with the emerald eyes. She had been the kitten longing for love, but that was years ago. She had been taken like the cat with the white heart. She was taken to this place and she was happy. She would remain happy until she was replaced. At her age there was no way for her to still compete. The cat with the white heart was younger and prettier. The old one would see that she wouldn’t stay prettier.

The second thing the cat with the white heart learned about her new home was that the girl was not alone- Others of her lumbering breed also resided within. One such inhabitant was a boy. A distant boy. A tall boy. He wasn’t like the girl. He wouldn’t pick her up and give her the love she craved. He would just look. What was the sadness in his eyes? Why was he alone? He would scratch her ears, just the way she liked it, but he wasn’t there. The cat with the white heart was filling a void in his life, a void that always grew.

The old one was cunning. She planed it all- you can see it all looking back. The cat with the white heart was walking into a trap. The old one wasn’t acting out of spite, at least not to my knowledge. She was acting out of fear. Fear that she would lose what she had- fear that she would no longer be loved.

The cat with the white heart was pounced upon. Her fragile frame buckled and gave way under the mass and power of the old one. The old one hissed and scratched as the cat with the heart tried to make it out. She wouldn’t fight, she just wanted love and she was willing to share.

She was beaten in the head first as her eyes bulged. Her fur was torn and ripped- she didn't fight. The old one slashed a terrible hole, the tire was punctured and all the air came out. Lying there, almost dead, the cat with the white heart could feel her existence leaving. The old one didn’t want her dead though, such an atrocity would make her loose her love. Instead she wanted her scared, forever second.

In a final act of barbarism the old one beat at the white heart’s tail. Blood began to pool around it and then... and then the tip came off. The cat with the white heart screamed and cried aloud. She lay there bleeding, feeling as her love fell from her. The old one’s task was complete. The girl’s favorite toy was broken, and would never be fixed. The old one pranced away knowing she was again the queen. She would again be loved. And indeed she was.

The cat with the white heart was deformed, and the girl didn’t love her anymore. She was ashamed of what she had bought home. The old one enjoyed all the love and attention, the unwitting girl was playing into her cunning hand. In her sadness the cat with the white heart took what love she could get. She went to the streets, somewhere she had never gone before. She met a black satin tom. He was lanky and ugly, but he wanted her. He wouldn’t love her, but it may feel like it. As he used the cat with the white heart’s body she became tainted. She lay on her paws and her chest became dirty, no longer was her white heart white. The satin cat left her laying there, no longer feeling the love that she had once felt. She felt neither the love, nor the need. She just wanted to leave it all, but again god was cruel. He did not give her the freedom she needed, instead he gave her another beating.

The cat with the white heart lay in the sun, waiting for death. Then he walked up to her. The boy. The sad, untamed boy walked up to her and he smiled. He spoke to her. She didn’t understand what he said, but oh what he said. He confided in that cat all of his secrets, all of his love, all of his fear. He told her his greatest secret. The one that no other human could ever know. They would hate him for it- being a cat she did not understand him. This is probably why he told her, knowing he would never be rejected by her. He needed his void closed just as she did, but neither succeeded. Instead they were reminded of how big the hole really was. How much they both needed love.

The cat with the white heart was pregnant. Her run in with the satin cat had left her with child- and this posed a whole new fascination. The old one watched her suspiciously, the girl looked on with glee.

We’re going to have kittens.

The fat one, the girl’s mother, was not happy. She wanted to make the kitten leave, but the girl wouldn’t have it. The kitten wasn’t even borne, but it had already taken the cat with the white heart's love. On the day that he was borne he came into the world beautiful. He was a strong and wonderful creature who would care for no one. He too had his mother’s heart, though his was tainted from birth.

The kitten grew fast, and his love grew with him. The girl treated him like royalty, and the old one didn’t like it. The old one took any chance to make him weak, but whenever she tried to hurt him the girl would intervene. In equal proportion the fat one would side with the old. The schism grew and grew until one day the rope snapped, and the piano fell.

The battle happened on a sunny day, on a pleasant day. No one was home, no one with two legs at least. The kitten was lurking in the old ones’ territory, for this insult she would make him pay dearly- so she tried. The battle was short lived. He was not the push over that his mother was, instead he was ferocious. The old one fell under his claws. This time it was her who lay bloody on the floor. The kitten looked down on her with a sadistic glee. He delivered a final sweep to the old ones’ eye, and the blood flowed. The old one was no longer queen, she was an outcast. Banished. She lost the love as she lost her eye. Now that she was unloved she sank into depression and would die alone soon. No one noticed. No warm spot under the tree for this old friend. The old one was taken out with the waste that her former owner’s had accumulated. Not a tear was shed for her. Not by the girl, not by the fat one, not by the kitten. Maybe one tear. The boy would never admit it but he shed a tear for her. She was cruel but he loved her. Love doesn’t discriminate, true love never does.

In the new order the cat with the white heart fell further still. Her son would prowl at night and attack her if she left the small part of the house that was hers. She lived in constant fear of the brutish offspring that she had birthed. The cat with the white heart had begun to grow old now. She had grown old and afraid. She was a broken puppet on an empty stage- left lying there. One day she too would go out with the garbage. One misstep, and she would join the old one.

The boy who the cat with the white heart loved was sad. He was slowly retreating into himself, his secret was too much to bear. The cat with the white heart tried to console him, but he was beyond it. He was beyond the need for love, he just wanted truth.

When he decided eventually to tell the truth the cat with the white heart was there. She saw as he walked up to the fat one and uttered his secret. She never knew what it meant, only that it was bad. The fat one looked at him for a moment, stunned. She slowly shook with the weight of what she had just been told. Her son’s secret was too much. At first a tear rolled down her face, and she tried to deny it. Tried to tell him it wasn’t true, but he told her it again.

He calmly said his secret again and again until she understood. It was true, what the boy had lied about before was true. Then she got angry. The boy had turned against her and for that she was enraged. She yelled, she screamed, she tormented, she cascaded, she annihilated him. He just stood there.

He took it.

Not saying a word, not shedding a tear. He just stood. Then she pointed, not at him or the cat, but at the door. And he left.

The cat followed the boy, not sure where he was going or why. He was outside now and getting into his car. He had already packed, he knew she wouldn’t accept it. Just before he left he looked down and saw the cat with the white heart, and more importantly she saw him. She had never seen the boy cry before, because boys don’t cry. Tears rolled down his face as the pain overwhelmed him. He lost his faith that day. He lost his faith in man, in god, and in love.

Over the years he would become jaded, and then he would die alone. She walked toward him as if to say it’s alright. As if she could somehow take away his pain. The hole in his heart had grown so wide it had ripped in two, and no glue he knew of could stitch it back together. Yet he picked her up. He held her for the first time, for the last time. She dried his tears, she made him know that it was alright. The boy kept his faith in love, but only in that.

“I love you.” He put her down. The cat with the white heart couldn't understand anything that the humans ever said, but she understood that.

Then he left, not leaving a trace.

In the time that followed the boy’s leaving things became more painful for the cat with the white heart. Her son abused her more, he raped her more. The girl who once loved her now treated her like a discarded doll. Not worth the time. Instead her evil wicked son got the love and attention. The fat one was gone most of the time too. She had thrown her only son out into the cold- something he wouldn’t forgive her for, something she wouldn’t forgive herself for. She was working now. A job in the morning, a job at night. The fat one was running so fast that she couldn’t look back.

The kitten also met with his fate in due time. He was trotting around in the street, the cat with the white heart never went in the street. The kitten was hit by a moving thing. His body was splattered across the earth like so many dreams had been splattered across the pages of his bloody life. The cat with the white heart didn’t mourn him, neither did the fat one. Only the girl cried for him. She was alone now. Her only friend was now dead and with him died a part of her. The part of her that could love.

The years rolled by like a rock down a mudslide, the time as slow as ice trickling down the chin of a frozen land. As the years went on the girl became fat, like her mother. She became cruel.

Her mother was old and tired. She still had to work to pay for her home and keep and to run. She ran until she could run no more, then she ran further still. The fat one died from the broken heart that had never healed. When she ripped her son from it she pulled the entire organ with him, and she had been slowly bleeding to death ever since. The fat one was dead on the floor of the house she had worked so hard to own.

No one went to her funeral. That is, no one else. She was buried on a hill in the rain, not in the sun. Her daughter, the woman shed the tears she had been saving for herself and the cat. The cat with the white heart had no tears, only mournful sighs left. When the fat one’s body was forever committed to the ground to rot they went home, they fell into further decay. The house fell apart, the woman fell apart. The cat with the white heart was already in pieces, but she was gathering dust.

She just wanted to be loved, god damn it!

Is that too much for one person to ask? The love of another? No, god is too busy with his grand designs and overzealous clock work to care about the cogs. If god were truly benevolent then why would he hurt her? Why did the cat with the white heart who wanted to be loved get so broken? Why did the old one who feared losing her love get just that? Why did the boy loose it all for a secret god was ashamed of? These questions raced through the cat with the white heart’s mind as she sat on the drive. The woman was inside, busy drinking herself to death.

The cat pondered her life. She was beyond feeling bad about it. When you hurt too much you become numb to it and all you are left with is reason. Cruel, unfeeling, blind, evil, treacherous, brutal reason. The cat with the white heart hadn’t aged well. She was no longer scrawny, but ragged. She was still scared from the old one and her eyes still had streaks from where the tears once were.

“I love you”

The voice echoed on the wind as a car pulled up.

It wasn’t the car he had left in all those years ago. This car was cleaner, and nicer. Then the boy climbed from the front seat, now a man. On the passenger side, someone else came out. Another boy- and his eyes shined. The boys walked together toward the house, and they touched. They touched like the cat with the white heart and the satin one had touched, but it didn’t hurt.

They loved each other. The two boys held hands as they walked toward the house. They talked about something, but the cat with the white spot didn't understand them- they were just happy. How did he become happy? It was then that the boy noticed her.

“Fuzzy?”

He bent down and picked her up. He introduced the cat with the white heart to the one with the shinning eyes. He loved her the moment he saw her, and she loved him right back. She loved both of them. The puppet was retrieved from the ground and its strings reattached.

They took the cat with the white heart home with them that day, and reader, she was happy. The cat with the white heart would become better, she would heal though the scars would remain.

Oh dear reader, I wish you could see her now. The cat with the white heart walks around her new home with a glint in her eye. The one with the shinning eyes loves her and the boy... oh that boy. He ignores her sometimes, but he tries his best. He sits at his desk and puts to paper tales of his life through the mouths of others. He sits at a desk and his fingers sing.

The cat with the white heart doesn't understand the music, but she still dances. She is at last loved by the boy, his love, and their daughter. The new girl loves the cat with the white heart and she loves her. At long last god gave her what she wanted, or perhaps she somehow cheated god out of his gifts. Either way, the story would have ended the same way. The cat with the white heart was alone, but not anymore. The cat with the white heart is loved, and that’s all she ever wanted. 

Author's Note

I ask in advance for forgiveness for the formatting, I haven't uploaded something this long before, and have no idea how it will look until after I click the save button.