Retention Span

Retention Span

A Poem by Bill O. Writes
"

Momzilla's challenge.

"
Mother begins to drown
and her eyes closed-set
As the briny depths heave a sigh of regret

Dying slowly with boundless girth
She's eating too much
Health thrown to the dirt

Mother was right
in lessons to save face
Hard-fought teachings quickly going to waste

Her children dancing through another day,
She birthed the ungrateful
Observes and decays

© 2014 Bill O. Writes


Author's Note

Bill O. Writes

My Review

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Featured Review

Hello there!

Wow, I really like your take on the challenge! The personification is truly spectacular--I especially like the second stanza. The reference to health and eating really sold it for me. I could keep rambling about how much I liked it, but I'll stop here.

MusicManiac

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Bill O. Writes

7 Years Ago

Hey! Thanks so much! I look forward to reading yours :)
MusicManiac

7 Years Ago

You're very welcome! And thank you!



Reviews

Excellent execution. The story brings forth darkness and powerfully entices emotion and though provocation. Very well done

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Bill O. Writes

7 Years Ago

Thank you! Strongly worded review my friend! :)
I love what you did with this challenge.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Bill O. Writes

7 Years Ago

Thanks so much KL
"do what i say, not what i do"

we lead by example, or not.

this one really hits us over the head.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Bill O. Writes

7 Years Ago

Thanks for the review jacob!
The anthropomorphism of the planet makes your prose immediate and visceral… both a conviction of our wasting of our planet and of our usurious and self-damaging attitudes about the planet and our own health.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Bill O. Writes

7 Years Ago

Thanks for reviewing! Was this ambiguous enough to meet the criteria of what you were looking for?
Hello there!

Wow, I really like your take on the challenge! The personification is truly spectacular--I especially like the second stanza. The reference to health and eating really sold it for me. I could keep rambling about how much I liked it, but I'll stop here.

MusicManiac

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Bill O. Writes

7 Years Ago

Hey! Thanks so much! I look forward to reading yours :)
MusicManiac

7 Years Ago

You're very welcome! And thank you!

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317 Views
6 Reviews
Rating
Added on September 9, 2014
Last Updated on September 10, 2014
Tags: challenge

Author

Bill O. Writes
Bill O. Writes

New Haven, CT



About
-Bill -30 years old. -Seemingly only able to be serious about writing As for my writing background: I have been writing since I was about 17 but had no place to share. Feel free to read wha.. more..

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