Stuck

A Poem by Amy Whetzell

Have you ANY idea what its like to feel completely & utterly useless?!
Everyday! Everyday, I want to get up and move. But I cant.

I'm paralyzed, and I don't know how to fix me anymore.
I keep looking for jobs and applying
but the thought of being around people
All it takes is one moment in time,
where my guard goes down and everyone will see it
It takes all my strength to hide
what is probably seen anyway.
I can smile so big
I can be bright and shiny

I'm scared to death
that's what depression does
either it kills you or it scares you immobile
I'm not dead yet
But in this crypt is where I reside
in this house,
in this room,
in my head
A black abyss
no water
because I can't swim through it
I'm drowning
my tears only add to the weight which drags me down

I feel like my entire internal being is made of glass
one more blow
and I'm done for.