Frightening the Birds

It's not working anymore,

there is no charm left.

Everything I thought I felt,

has gone - dispersed,

like birds that used to sit

upon a plain of grass,

that got frightened

and fluttered off.

But this time they won't return,

I won't let them back,

someone else is moving in,

there's no room left for you.

And perhaps, I'll miss your smile,

the way you joke and laugh,

and yes I do think you're attractive, 

but the birds were never going to get,

into your cage, your nest.

There would be no syncs, 

no murmuration here,

so it's time to forget. 

This balloon is lifting off,

new animals are arriving,

a group, a pride, some lions.

Not to say that we won't chat,

or I don't appreciate you,

but this is best for both of us-

so go home, I'm done. We're through.

Reviews

[tedefroberts]

Lots to like in this piece! You expressed yourself effectively, without getting morose, you phrased fairly well and even used a neologism! Good work!

[Nick.B]

Interesting write, full of emotion and sadness...what I've seen is the feeling of lost love that is truly something painful.....anyway great job

[Storm K.]

thank you :)

[teardrop]

Goodness such a powerful piece,
makes one ponder a bit.
Like this, well expressed

[Storm K.]

Thank you! :)

[Ria Kova]

Do forgive if I managed to get the wrong impression and aggrieved a personal experience of yours, but this is what I saw in your poem:

I feel sympathy towards the other person and pity that the spark between the narrator and that person had faded. I also feel how to narrator is moving on, looking at things positively - it's the balloon part that makes me feel so. The narrator's optimistic, believing that everything is for the best, and, hope I'll phrase this one correctly, believes that fortune will grant better things, in time - this I base on how in the poem, if I understood it right, instead of a flock of birds a lion pride arrives. That just says it all.

Now, don't shoot me, just tell me whether I was precise or not... ^_^""

[Storm K.]

Well I'm not going to be one to change the way you think about the poem :) Writing is all personal perspective after all, much like art - well, I think, anyways. It's curious that you're sympathetic towards the other person though - I wrote this about a guy I fancied for ages but never returned my feelings, so I was never coming from a sympathetic point of view :P But hey, if that's what it made you then that's fine with me, I'm just glad it got a read :)

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

Hey hey!
parting in style.
u made ur point there alright and ity stuck home.
hey that's great poetry.

[Storm K.]

Thanks very much! :)

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

i mean it. pls write more and send us