‘Twas Two Nights Before Christmas...

My annual Christmas poem. A bit of good cheer and silliness :D

‘Twas two nights before Christmas, and all through Whole Foods
My hungry self wandered, eying the goods.
The cheese isle was chock full of Bries and Gruyere
Sample plates piled high to lure customers there.

Jealous siblings at home surely planned my demise
As I shared snaps of pulled pork and steamy cheese fries.
And Mama with her basket, frown firmly in place,
Desperately urged me to *pick up the pace!*

For there, in the store, was such ruckus and clatter-
Every isle was full (as was dear mother’s bladder).
Away to the hot foods I flew like a flash;
Armed with containers, I made a mad dash.

Both the growl in my stomach and late time of day
Gave a heavenly glow to the meals on display.
But then, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but the bakery isle, and at once, it was clear-

With a ravenous sweet tooth, no breakfast, nor brunch
I knew in a moment -THAT THIS WAS MY LUNCH.
More rapid than eagles, my cravings they came.
I whistled and shouted, calling mother by name.

"They’ve got muffins, and cupcakes! With sweet cream cheese frosting! They have scones and filled doughnuts- even hot apple dumplings!
To the top of the store!
To the end of the mall!
Dash away, dash away! Dash towards them all!"

As the wild hyenas that cackle and scoff,
Who hunt down large mammals and carry them off-
So up to the shelves of warm baked goods I flew
And carried them off (and perhaps mother did, too...)

Then, in a twinkling, was heard *blap, bLAP, BLAP*-
A death knoll for every pants button that snapped.
We squeezed into their seatbelts, and headed back home
(Poor car straining and wheezing for two hours long).

But our eyes, how they sparkled! Our smiles were merry!
Stomachs filled to the brim with all that they could carry.
We had feasted on cookies, on cakes tied with bows.
On frosting piled as high and as white as the snow.

And the whipped cream and sugar we ladies had cleared
Remained on our faces, like little elf-beards.
Both Mother and I were now sporting sore bellies
That shook as we groaned, like two bowls full of jelly.

We felt chubby and plump, like two gluttonous elves
But we laughed as we thought back, in spite of ourselves.
Mom winked her eye, and I nodded my head-
In a week there’d be keto; whole30 instead.

We spoke not a word, but obliged our food-comas.
Then marched into the house...

And smelled an aroma.

Laying my finger aside of my nose,
I went ahead first (like a good daughter does).
I stepped into the kitchen, and to mom gave a holler
And at that moment knew- our poor pants would fit smaller.

We heard grandma exclaim, as she came into view:

"Merry Christmas eve-eve, dears! I made cookies for you!” :D