Disaster

A horse poem <3

Cross country-

You ran.
You jumped.
You flew.
You landed.
Jump cleared.

Next-

You turned.
You braced.
You splashed.
You leapt.
Through the river.

Then-

You galloped.
You halted.
You whinnied.
You fell
To the ground.

Consequently-

You whinnied.
You cried.
You shut
Your eyes.

I cried.

Now we'd be forever apart.

Reviews

I didn't want it to sound too cheesy. I changed the ending from 'You died' to 'Now we'd be forever apart.'

Hope it sounds better! :D

[Freeminded]

Woah...great poem :) Like the rhythm :D
But...just to be nosey...its not often a horse gallops...stops...dies. Either way, it still fits. Perhaps you could change it or create a new poem where the horse perhaps flips over the obstacle, breaks his neck and has to be shot...sorry about the grusome thought :/
You had died is too weak, and its a shame to finish such a great poem like this. A goo tactic is come back in 2 months, take a fresh look at this, and hopefully you'll get an idea.

Great work :D