TRIED TO STITCH IT

Tears of sorrow, try to fix it

Sorry’s never been enough

Took his thread and tried to stitch it

Tender heart has grown too tough

Wish I would have caught him in it

Twinkling seas of twisted lust

Talking to me just won’t fix it

Should have thought before he touched

Preyed on innocence to have it

Perversions are his private hush

Took his thread and tried to stitch it

Should have sewn his own mouth shut...

Reviews

[Bala Gorthi]

The message is very loud and clear, Misty.
When someone preys on innocence the act can never be forgiven the act itself becomes inhumane whether is small or big, in word or deed because the intentions are malefide. What you wrote as "Talking to me just wont fix" is very right and plain enough.
A very nice write.
Thanks for sharing.:-):-):-)

[M. L. F.]

Thank you very much Bala. I'm glad the message got through to you. :) Thanks for reading my work. :)
Misty

[hcarson]

fantastic..love this one. it is horrid that you have gone through this obviously and for that i'm sad for you, however, it has helped you create something brillient from it..granted you would no doubt rather it had not happened and this writing instead was on some other subject..anything but what you have been compelled to get free of your system, but that aside, this is a brillient piece of writing..he should have known better than to cross because now we all know what a waster he he is. well done, full marks

[M. L. F.]

Thanks, truly... I read a bit of your profile and I see we have quite a bit in common. I am in college too, and yes, it is peaceful isn't it? lol .... Thank you so much for the inspirational words of encouragement. I use every single word from fellow authors to drive me forward like rocket fuel... So thanks for the refill ;) I am going to read your work later, when the busy two year old boy lets me up for air lol... :)
... Misty

[M. L. F.]

You are in the UK?... You're close to me lol, most people here are far far away. Waster..... I'm stealing that word... It is GREAT!! ;)

[hcarson]

lol you are welcome, your poem is great! yes i'm in UK. what are you studying? so glad you feel encouraged, you should do,you have a great talent there :)

[M. L. F.]

Thank you.... blushes"... I am going to be finishing my dutch courses, but I will also be finishing my degree in English literature after. I hope to be published one day, and teach fiction writing in the end... Dream big eh? lol ... I just keep reminding myself that Rowling was told first by publishers to "keep her day job"... ;) More fuel for the fire! Thank you so much for the encouragement. What are you in college for? Makes it all the more sweet an accomplishment when you have children! Good on you... :)

[hcarson]

all dreams are seem to big till you achieve it and you will achieve it, your writing is brillient and like u say rowling..living in a flat, writing in a cafe not being able to even afford a few cuppas...look at her now as you said!! you will, without doubt, get there if that is where you want to be and you don't let anything stand in your way. as for college,its an access to nursing course but i don't actually want to do the acess bit, i just want the qualifications so i can do a different course, i quite like the sound of the art and design course and sociology course. i didn't get to take my exams in school due to bullying, then life got in the way so my subjects are a tad easier going than yours from the sounds of it haha..i got a way to go before catching you up!

[M. L. F.]

Your too sweet! And keep your chin up too... Follow your dreams... I couldn't make up my mind what to do in college. I like so many things... I did interior architecture and design, I did photography, and then finally followed my heart to writing fiction... I wasted a lot of time doing what I thought other people thought would bring me success, when all along the voice inside me said.. write, it's what you love... Finally I listened to it. I hope it pays off lol, and if not I die doing what I love at least and not something I loathe. That is important :) Bullies are gay, and when we grow up we learn they lose their powers. Don't let anyone tell you that you are less than you are. You are full of dreams and talents, and in life I have learned that the ONLY one who can stop you, is you... :)

[hcarson]

oh yes, i totally agree, it was me finding excuses for years not to go back and do something education wise and it was frustrating because i'm not daft but as you say, i held myself back. we then had to move 130 miles away which meant kids changing schools but one of my elder sons wasn't happy about it, said i didnt no what it was like to have to start a new school nowadays so i told him if he gave it his best shot i would go to college so i was also starting in a new place...turns out he now attends same college as me...worked out weell in the end :). This is an amazing site for progression in writing i find, the people and work are amazing!!

[M. L. F.]

Wow, what I cool story! I love that! I think you are quite strong for having the spirit to believe in yourself this way, and above that you are making a wonderful example for your son, and all your children to follow... They have big shoes to fill... I like this site so far too... I have only been here a month or so, but it's great so far and I have met some wonderful people... ;)

[hcarson]

i have only been here two weeks i think but i'm already addicted to it..i have already got my mum and my daughter on here a*s well. my mum hasn't wrote anything yet but my daughter has, she isn't bad considering she is only 12 and never tried this before, if you ever have time look her up, caycie kat carson, just to see how you think her imagination etc is for her age..i like it but then i'm possibly biased haha. thank you for your lovely comments about being example for my kids etc, means a lot thank you so much :)

[Inject Positivity]

feeling speechless and in 'awe' after reading this... your words were lively in the poem as they spoke various tones of hurtful heart.... some top class use of words, seems like you have a deep relationship with words... the title was very intriguing and mysterious to me.... loved the way you set up the rhyme scheme here, it seemed natural and truly its a wonderful piece work Misty..... clappings from my side with full ratings.....

[M. L. F.]

Thank you.... Unlike some, words and I will always be together... ;) :)

[Inject Positivity]

i am fully assured dear poetess.... the words seems to have staying with you....

[mattavelli]

Hello, I enjoyed this read, the last two lines especially.

[M. L. F.]

Thank you...

[mattavelli]

Ya, my reviews are getting bad. I should have stopped when I got the badge... have fun!

[M. L. F.]

Hahah.... lol no it's nice... besides as my friend here says, "badges?.. We don't need no stinking badges"... :)

[mattavelli]

And now I want to watch the three amigos... craving of a misfiring brain. Haha

[M. L. F.]

Neee... Badges is first from the Mel Brooks movie... OLD movie, my mom showed me called "Blazing Saddles"... funny movie btw. But I think it is a quote first from something even older... I need to do my homework...

[mattavelli]

I know. blazing saddles brought to mind the three amigos. Its cornier and has better timing. I don't have it, but I do have spies like us. I'll watch it tomorrow.

[Johnson Bobby]

i feel you words they belong in your diary under lock and key to be
open when your vortex has strengthen / go ahead let your tears fall
and find landings / take back identity for are motion in restoration
thank for breaking pass gravity

[Takeshi Yamada]

Misty, really good poem here. Well-written, good rhythm, the rhymes don't feel forced. Raw, emotion dripping from your pen (or keyboard, I suppose). My response to this poem is complicated. I'm intrigued with the betrayal here, find myself trying to piece it together, yet I fear to ask lest I find myself in mortal danger of being annihilated. I feel for the poet (you, I suppose) who encountered a person with some real darkness held inside. I changed my mind, I definitely don't want to know. Real life is always way scarier than anything we writers create.

I'll go through each line so you can know how I reacted emotionally. I'm not super good with poetry and "connecting the dots" so to speak, so I apologize if I misunderstand things. It's probably me, not your writing:

TEARS OF SORROW TRY TO FIX IT
(He's crying and full of regret, but that just isn't enough)
SORRY’S NEVER BEEN ENOUGH
(this isn't the first time for the poet to face betrayal...these few words gave me a powerful sad feeling)
TOOK HIS THREAD AND TRIED TO STITCH IT
(poet looked to him as the one who could finally help her heal)
TENDER HEART HAS GROWN TOO TOUGH
(but all the hurts from the past have toughened her heart)
WISH I WOULD HAVE CAUGHT HIM IN IT
(she didn't catch him, and that vexes her for some reason, perhaps she blames herself for not seeing sooner)
TWINKLING SEAS OF TWISTED LUST
(the act of betrayal related to something sexually perverse)
TALKING TO ME JUST WON’T FIX IT
(seems he revealed to her and thinks that's enough, but its definitely not)
SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT BEFORE HE TOUCHED
(he touched something he shouldn't. he didn't consider consider or care and that lapse is unforgivable)
WORE HIS WHITE DISGUISE TO HAVE IT
(he wore something white when committing the perverse betrayal, it disguised him and made it easier. this is the most intriguing line of the poem. People disguising themselves is always frightening to me)
PERVERSION WAS HIS PRIVATE CRUTCH
(the perversion was hidden privately, and that made it easier to commit, hence it was an enabler)
TOOK HIS THREAD AND TRIED TO STITCH IT
(a lovely repetition of the earlier line, maybe from his perspective this time?)
SHOULD HAVE SEWN HIS OWN MOUTH SHUT
(interpretation 1: He should have sewn his mouth shut so he couldn't reveal the betrayal to the poet)
(interpretation 2: He should have sewn his mouth shut so the poet and he would never become close)
(interpretation 3: He should take care of his own issues instead of trying to help others)

A few words to the poet, one human being to another: It is never wrong to trust others, even if we get hurt. There is no wound so deep it lasts forever, no filth so staining that real love cannot burn it away, but once we close our hearts to the world, we become disconnected, lonely and unfeeling. Nothing hurts more than that.

I hope getting this poem out helped you find some distance. Really excellent writing! -- Takeshi

[M. L. F.]

Oooh, I have so much to say lol... I have to go through this a little piece by piece, but this review I love.. And let me say I have the biggest, most open heart in the world. The things I have endured in life would absolutely knock you to the floor. I could be a movie, it is intense... But let me assure you, all the knocks have chiseled me. I have become a warrior. Every one knocks the wind out of me, I fall to the floor, struggling to breathe, much less strive... and then I have two choices... lay here and die, become bitter, embed myself in misery and mistrust, or rise again tougher and more determined than ever before to reach my dreams and touch the sky. I will NEVER give up, on life, on love, on my destiny... never ;) I have to much fire blazing inside me to let anyone or anything extinguish it. But your words are inspirational and only fuel my fire to keep going, so to you I say thank you Takeshi.. I respect you as a writer, I don't find many other fiction writers I can say this to. I would like to share work with you and bounce ideas off you, to be honest. Your writing has such emotional depth for the characters. I cried at the end of the story I reviewed for you... really beautiful and thought provoking work Takeshi...

Now, to the work in question: I bet there are tons of people who read this and wonder, I would... It is also, as with most of my poetry, a bit tricky.. So let's go stanza by stanza together lol...

First two lines... you are spot on.... perfectly interpreted

Third line... just as simple as it sounds. He knew he did the unthinkable, so he took out his trusty thread (words of logic and manipulation) and tried his best to as he would say...."paint banana straight" lol... irony... alas. He tried to sew the gaping hole he made in the universe but to no avail...

Fourth line.... Dead on, couldn't be MORE correct...

Fifth line... Oh Takeshi, so so perceptive of you... Nice, sharp intuition you have there... Your interpretation even cut into me a bit... I knew all along it was happening... my guts were screaming at me, but every time I pushed all involved, all was denied and I was told I was losing my mind.... So yes, lots of deep breaths upon the past, on this one... And also what I meant when I wrote that line was that I wish I would have busted him myself so I could have gone crazy on him... but in the end glad I didn't see that, I would have need too much therapy lol...

Sixth line... "Twinkling seas of twisted lust"... spot on again, so perverse it would make you sick..

seventh line.... correct, there is no amount of talking to fix this betrayal... EVER.

Eight... You could not be more correct...

Ninth line.... Again, you are very clever... It is the most intriguing line isn't it? I agree about the hidden darkness thing being terrifying too, it is the worst darkness there is... Now, what it means is: He used a position in his life, IE "step-father", ;) friend, etc etc.. to sneak his perversion under the radar. He wore a disguise of "goodness", a role of decadent hero to his darkest advantages...

Tenth line... again your interpretation is spot on... It was hidden so well, peoples mouth's were agape at it's discovery...

11th line: spot on interpretation, yet again..

12th and final line... All three correct, but it goes further.... It also means that the gravity of what he did is so horrendous that he should have just shut himself up, shut up the voices in his own sick head before he ever even thought of doing it... and thus destroying everything in what was done....

And finally, thank you again Takeshi, for your words and time in reviewing this... writer time is valuable, it's our art... Listen to the song on my profile page, it says my final sentiment for this guy ;).... He sees it too, so I am sure he gets the message... ;)

[M. L. F.]

oops, tired typo... I have "too" much fire lol

[Takeshi Yamada]

To Misty the Amazon Warrioress Graduate of Hard Knocks Academy,

*sighs a sigh of deep relief at narrowly escaping annihilation* Thanks for the response. I appreciate that you just reviewed my review. :) Honestly, it was no problem at all to sit down and read your poem this closely and write a long review. Reading it again and again taught me much about life and good writing. The best writing does this, so well done. Thank you for sharing this experience, even though it was not easy. (I imagine it was quite liberating, though.) I checked out the song on your profile page...very apt and I'm sure he does. Also, I totally agree about music and writing and your quote about "Fiction done well" is so true.

I'd be honored if we could share our work and bounce ideas off each other. I respect you as a writer/poet as well. Though I'm not a poet, I believe good writing must have poetic elements, it must move the soul. I'm looking to increase the emotional power of my writing in a genuine way. If you wouldn't mind, I'll send you a read request for another piece I wrote more recently and maybe you can look at it with poet's eyes? (I mean, it's not a poem, but maybe you could review it for things like the level of emotional responsiveness, word choice, rhythm, etc.) Also, if you have anything specific you'd like me to look over, please let me know. Otherwise, I'll just go through your posted poems as I have time.

Regarding your perspective on the poem's subject, I think you've got the right attitude. I'm glad you've come out of it, perhaps a little worse for wear, but still open, positive and unphased. A friend of mine from Barcelona once told me, "When you're going through hell, don't stop." Sounds so obvious, but so many of us stop. Glad you didn't. Also, the situation reminds me of one of the last lines in from movie I'm sure you've seen: "Andy Dufresne - who crawled through a river of s**t and came out clean on the other side." Life can be a river of s**t, but we don't have to let it touch us.

Cheers,
Takeshi

[M. L. F.]

"Narrowly escaping annihilation, Takeshi ducks behind the nearest garbage can in the crowded alleyway just behind the seaside cafe. The stench of day old fish and decomposing onions waft into his nostrils, making his dark eyes water." ... lol, A little fun :) Okay but seriously, no annihilation necessary, this time... hahah! I would absolutely love to share work. Send me your work and I will help you with anything you wish... Though I doubt there will be much advice I can offer, your fiction is great! On the other side, I would like to say that I am not a poet either. I just use it as therapy lol. But fiction is my real love. I have one short story on here that I will send you a read request for in a minute. I have a novel I am almost done with and another short story, (horror) that I am trying to complete, but have been sick for about nine days now.. It will be up after my friend Robert reads it first.. And when it is I will send you a read request for it too, and whenever you have free time, then you can give it a read.... I believe you know Robert also. He reviewed the short story I will send you the request for, and I found him then. I read his stuff and I adore it. He is the other writer here whose fiction I can really get into. He reminded me to check out your work, and I am quite glad I did! Thank you again so much for the encouragement and compliments. I think the same of your writing.

I really like the story of the guy who traveled through the poo and came out clean. Life can be a river of doo doo... but that we don't have to let it touch us, is a perfect sentiment!! One to live by. ;) Will be expecting your read request....

Sincerely,
Misty...

[Krizito]

I love poetry...the art of capturing so much emotions, feelings, even beauty in just few words.
I don't know what the "subject" did...but you showed even hurt can be made so graceful. You did pretty nice with this:)

[M. L. F.]

mmmm.... IF I told you what the "subject" did you would feel sick, and I would have to annihilate you.. :0 I don't thing you are truly interested in either option. :0 But thanks for the compliment... I try. And I love poetry too, it's great therapy ;)

[Krizito]

Annihilate me? 'Lady' I'm not that easy:)

[M. L. F.]

Oh, yes you are, don't pretend ;)

[Krizito]

Really I'm not. Just ask the last lady that tried to annihilate me. Oh no, you can't...I zapped her into alien dust-yeah, I can create horror- wahahaha....

[M. L. F.]

lolz... Well, you should read some Rice and King then, horror is great. And then you would know, that alien dust is sci fi, and not horror my pet ;) Mr. "whisper"..

[Krizito]

Sci-fi? Mr. 'Whisper'? You've just pushed too far Milady. What comes next is on you...keep your fingers crossed.

[Writer at last! Sky ~]

Things wouldn't had been so much special, without a touch of your feelings and depth of your art. Seems you again found the inch cape rock! You rocks :)

[M. L. F.]

Thank you very much. Glad you enjoyed the work..

[Zoli Fern]

Oh my. This is beautiful, M. L. Stuitje. I can't find words to describe how well you have captured this poem. I felt rocked in the lullaby of the rhythm. This could be a song; perhaps it is a song from deep in your heart.
You are amazing.

[M. L. F.]

I used to write music as a kid lol... Maybe some of that stuff stuck somehow with me. I do know even fiction should have a rhythm. A less obvious one than poetry, but tempo is almost as important as the words... Thanks for the read Zoli.

[B J Hughes]

Wow! Deeply resonating and, a full reflection of who I once was not long ago. I need reminders like this to help prevent my backsliding into the pile of s**t I used to be. Thank you for your words. These are going into my journal as soon as I hit "Submit Review". Wow! THANK YOU!! Giving this 100 only because it won't let me give it 100000!!!

[M. L. F.]

Thank you! And you are very sweet, but the kind of dark deeds this guy was doing are not even in the same category of "crap" you did not so long ago... If I told you what he did... I would have to kill you... "that kind of bad"... ;).

[M. L. F.]

👀...... :o

[B J Hughes]

I am truly sorry that you had to experience someone so horrendous. But still, your words are a fitting reminder for me to not become what I once was.

[B J Hughes]

(love those eyes!)

[M. L. F.]

Thank you B J... Glad the piece was helpful :)