NEON LIGHTS

JUST A PROLOGUE AND FIRST TWO OR THREE PAGES / OPENING OF THE NOVEL.

 LOOKING GLASS LAKE

looking glass
noun

noun: looking glass; plural noun: looking glasses

     a mirror.

        "She stared at her reflection in the looking glass lake"

•          opposite to what is normal or expected.

          modifier noun: looking-glass

           "looking-glass logic"

CHAPTER ONE

NEON LIGHTS

Some people's scars are the color of wine, some people's - shadows - white, but not mine; my scars were neon lights.  I stood and watched him cross the little space that separates in less than two steps, closing the gap until the gap was no longer, and we were no longer estranged. His nose grazed my nose. I drew in a air, and with it the sweetness of the coconut oil he rinsed with, warm on my lips like sugared wind. I breathed it.  In.  Out.  In.  His face one foot away, his gun, the only thing between us now.  I was prepared for this, after all, prepared for this to happen for so, so long. He was the type they warned us about in training, and clearly I hadn't heed the warnings. Here I was, clearly in love. Outside a cold winter storm thundered.  I could hear the winds screaming through the naked trees.  I could see the drops clinging to the glass walls over his shoulder; gold Christmas lights glittering on the droplets that slid down the cold glass. I watched the droplets light and crawl on the glass like the lightning bugs I caught on humid summer nights as a little girl.  And as I stared past the gun, passed his hand, it was suddenly all that I could see, my father and I catching moonbeams, caging lightning in jars the summer of eighty seven, the last summer I would see his hands grasp the lightning, or anything ever again. I gazed ahead and thought, What a glorious way to go.

Even in Hell’s grasp, I couldn’t help seeing the gorgeous landscape of Holland; the springtime version where I met him, a version lost in time.  I saw us walking our dogs that day in the lush green panorama that pushed at Heaven without asking God, with no guilt.  I could smell the cool air that stunk of pine and cedar wood, see the heavy leaves that hung in loose strands, and the looking glass lake that cast the setting sun’s light back up to Heaven.  Contrasts of apocalyptic orange and green that I would never see again.

One year later and here I stood.  The same landscape coaxing me again, it whispered, goading the tear that was caged in my lashes, thick and wet, and I’ll never erase the words that escaped next.

"Say it”, I whispered.  

“Say what?”

“That you want to see them?”

“See what?” He said.  

But I knew he knew.  His hand was shaking, the nose of the gun quivered too as though it were vibrating.  The sadness in his eyes was palpable.  I could read him in a dark room, peruse his heart like braille.  I could hear his thoughts - and he knew it.  He had been asking for over a year to learn all that had happened to me, and now, like this, near death, I was suddenly freed to tell him.  

Everything.  

We stared, eye to eye, stone cold, as the tip of his gun, touched the tip of my nose, and that lone tear unleashed and sped past my nose too quickly to stop. Though I wished I could rewind time, and siphon both the tear and the words back up and in like breath so it wouldn’t be the very last thing he heard and saw.  

My weakness.  

And suddenly, staring at my own tangible end, after learning him, studying him for an entire year of my life, it was my job, after all, I realized that I was in love with “the subject”.  This was taught early on in training, to avoid this scenario at all costs.  Standing here now, hoping not to die, I understood precisely why.  How could I have been so stupid?  And yet it didn’t stop me from wanting to show him everything I had been hiding, even more still, even as I stared at the death.  I let the rest of the tears I had caged spill down like the storm that pelted the glass walls of the spectacular house we now called home.  His eyes never left mine, they were locked.  And I knew he knew, I was finally going to show him what he wanted to see more than anything.

My neon scars…

Still wearing the slip I’d slept in, I noticed the strap on the left shoulder starting to slide down.  I saw his eyes cut to his right to watch it slowly descending.  When he did, I took a chance, a split second instinct from training took over and I swiveled left and down, swatting the gun to the right.  It flew across the study and landed on the hardwood floor with a thud, then slid into the north facing wall of glass, beaded with heavy rain.  He whipped around and grasped me by my wrists and began to walk me backward until my backside touched the desk and he continued his momentum until my back bent in an arch, my feet still touching the floor.  His nose was now one inch from mine.  He hovered there as if he were frozen.  Time crept backward again in my mind and I closed my eyes to smell the sweet coconut again for the first time, remembering that first sugared kiss.  The heat between us was nothing short of electrical.  I remember thinking I was going to short circuit as his lips hovered over mine, tracing side to side.

The tease…

My head was exploding, that much I recalled, just as it was now.  It was almost too intense to endure and I actually felt a chill rising up from my toes that made me shudder as though I was sitting outside in the snow in nothing but shorts and a t-shirt… I looked in his eyes.  I could see he was waiting, waiting for me to start talking.  I knew what he wanted to hear and I knew what I needed so badly to tell.  My mouth opened suddenly and the voice that came out was both calm and ferocious all at the same time…

“When I was ten years old my father ran away for the first time”, I forced my mouth to say, teeth slightly grit, eyes tearing up.

“Running?”  He asked.  "Tell me, Gabrielle, what was he running from?"

“Ghosts”

He pressed against me harder and his lips began to trace over mine again as he had that very first kiss.  He knew this act literally hypnotized me, and with it, he could have me.  With it, he would bend me, he, the archer, I - the bow.  I would answer anything like this….   

“What sort of ghosts?”  He asked, pressing me harder against the wood grain top.

I was trying to wiggle loose when the second wave of coconut wind escaped his lips and floated into my nostrils with his words; those fumes, his lips still hovering, lusting, wet, leaving me helpless, or at least making me wish I was.  I let my eyes slip closed again as the trance-like state ensued, and I fused his questions and answers together in my head like axons welding telegrams to neurotransmitters..

Reviews

[Echoes of Eros]

You create this world of tension, of suspense, infusing it with the very scent of your characters and drawing us onto the edge of their living fire. The past is awakened, the present trembling, and the future left in the hunger of the wild moments. So powerfully stirring to heart and soul, the lingering need for more. xo

[M. L. F.]

Thank you very much.. Your words are appreciated. I am happy to hear that this tale reached inside. I really want to make sure it's full of emotion, on every level.
..Misty

[Echoes of Eros]

Your emotion creates a vivid energy that weaves itself through every line. Looking forward to so much more. xo

[M. L. F.]

Excellent. Looking forward is always a good direction.. Especially when positive things are ahead.

[Echoes of Eros]

Yes, true. And I always tend to trip and fall when I keep looking back. ;

[M. L. F.]

Ha... Good point! ;)

[Jibey]

Wonderfully written, full of interest and intrigue, evoking a past and quivering with the tension of the present, the mystery of their relationship, the heat of desire, the waft of coconut fragrance.

You grabbed my grabbed my attention, stirred my imagination and worked on me to make me want more...

[aj milton]

Your writing is very powerful and evocative. Nice contrasts of stacatto "In. Out. In" and much longer more complex sentences. The mood created is palpable.

Critique-wise: If this is going to be a full length novel, think about your target audience. If you keep this powerful style throughout, you will appeal to the literary end of the spectrum, but may be a bit heavy for the mass market. That's not bad either way, just something to consider.

[ReedWrite]

Nicely done! A lot of tension here...great imagery...you pull the reader into the story and hold them there. I loved the line: warm on my lips like sugared wind.

I don't know what sugared wind is...but it sounds wonderful...and it evoked all the right emotion.

[...]

Yeah that's hot! I like it a lot. Alluring writing, precise and measured. I love the low lying darkness and appreciate the subtle seduction/innuendo. Flirting not only with the possible finality of the situation but that whole 'just f**k me already" scenario (sorry I just dirtied up this already very average review)
The pace is appreciated my friend! Page turner for real! Delicious, dark, intriguing wee tease! Fly....Starz x

[Lovecraft]

Still hungover at 9am, but this passage flows quite well, paired with certain words and descriptive imagery to capture this almost as if it were a film. Some apocalyptic references that make sense pertaining to what's currently occurring in this chapter.

I would remove the words "sugared", though maybe that word just disturbs my male dignity...

The dialogue needs a little editing in my honest opinion, it gets a bit close to sounding too melodramatic.

Otherwise, very good job!

I di

[M. L. F.]

LOL... Okay Lovecraft... Yeah, drunk INTP's should wait to review.. Enjoy haha... :)

[Lovecraft]

Playing Diablo 2, lol. :P

[M. L. F.]

Hahaha!! Ahhh... I have played that quite a few times... Being dragged along through it by a guy who actually knew how, but yeah, alas.. it was pretty fun, those little things just keep spawning though.... the fire, the bridges, the whole thing. Never played it drunk though. LOL Do tell us how fun it is, or isn't to play inebriated.

[Lovecraft]

I play a level 80 necromancer drunk and I do pretty well.

[M. L. F.]

LOL.. Necromancer. Drunk Necromancer, even more hysterical to envision.. Glad you're having fun.. :)

[Lovecraft]

Thanks, lol, talk to you tomorrow.

[M. L. F.]

Hmm.. yes..tbh the dialogue and proper spacing of it is the last thing to conquer for me these days. It's funny too because dialogue is something I understand in reality on an "in between the lines" way.. Somehow translating that perfectly on paper is something I am still mastering.. ha.. :) I will shop it with my writing partner and see if I can loosen it up some... but.. that said keep in mind these two are in love... she is CIA... he had no clue till this moment... he catches her searching his files in their office in the middle of the night... and she has been hiding many things.. even her own past. She thinks he is going to kill her now perhaps. The scene warrants some desperation. But yes... too much is never a good thing... hmmm... going to shop this doalogue a bit this weekend.. I'm glad the descriptions and flow made it feel like a movie.. A nice compliment Lovecraft... :) Imagery and emotion... I'm very glad both were real.
Thx...
..Misty

[M. L. F.]

Sugared wind... disturbs your male dignity? Ha!! Lol... Now I will NEVER change it :) ...

[richieb]

Misty,
Seductive opening to your story. Nice balance of threat of violence and possible lovemaking. Great combo to own the readers interest and keep the pages turning. Your words created great imagery. Anyone will want to read more, nice job.
Richie b.

[M. L. F.]

Ahh!! Reviews like this honestly make me feel euphoric.. like being on ecstasy.. (Not that I would know that) ;) I know I publish a lot of poetry to the site, but that is my emotional outlet. The fiction is my life's work.. I just got a story published.. and now some good feedback on this book I am toiling over so, and another, and reviews like this ONLY serve to fuel my dreams.. Let me tell you... I'm a firey person anyway, but now... I will write with flames. So glad it held your interest and made you guys want to turn the pages.. I will get the rest edited and loaded very soon. Also a short story about the devil / horror / suspense is almost ready. I'm very hard on myself in edits, so they have taken a bit longer. Thank you so much for the encouragement. It means the world to me when I reach you, the reader.
Truly,
..Misty

[richieb]

Misty,
You deserve the encouragement. Writing is similar to mining for diamonds. We explore, dig deep, and challenge ourselves. When we find a trace of a jewel, it refreshes our drive and we continue with a new euphoria. Continue the hard work.
Peace,
Richie b.

[M. L. F.]

I'll never stop, no worries. I write read and write four hours a night when the rest of the mortals around me sleep... :) You are very right about the process. Cheers to us both mining diamonds. ;)
Truly,
Misty

[Deco]

I'm interested enough now in this that I would like to read what comes next. It's clearly fleshed out...the where, when, who, and what of it all. Someone mentioned the presentment of formal traits as per your characters, and he or she has a point of it, but it does not detract anything from the chapter as is. A solid character is more important than how they appear...is my take 'bout it. I liked the bit about scars being as neon lights, too. Nice touch. Once again, thanks for the invite.
Gaiya.

[M. L. F.]

Lol... 2 for 2 tonight.. You missed my authors note.. Ha! This is only the prologue and first 2.5 pages of chapter 1 lol... But yes.. the remaining formal intros do occur in the next two pages actually... haha.. :) I'll surely post the rest of the chapter for you once the final edit has been completed. Glad to hear you are pulled in.. so far so good.
...Misty

[Deco]

I sure did, now when i think about. But like I said, (and yes, so far so good) I do want to know what happens next. :)

[M. L. F.]

Awww.. That's all that matters. :) You are not the first person to miss it tonight, so no worries. ;) I'll be sure to post the rest soon. Thanks again for checking it out..

[Giulia King]

So far so good, Misty! I really like this teaser! You created a vivid image. Can't wait for more :)

[M. L. F.]

Ahhh... Gullia.. thanks! So glad it pulled your interest.. that's my hope. :)
..Misty

[E G TEN]

Hello Misty, quite a teaser you have written here, finely told with clarity.The intro, setting, characters, and the subject matter for this chapter is very well expressed and emphasized. I'm not much on the constructive side, but Ill share a thing or two about the substance of this piece.

Being the first chapter, you did quite well narrating/writing the set up of this story. Your poetic pen is present and it gave more volume to your story telling. Although you have said all you have to say, this chapter is a bit short in my opinion.

Also, you introduced your characters personally, even intimately, but not formally, such as age, physical appearance, profession, etc. that would give us an image of who they are. But then I got a feeling you'll do all that on the next chap. and maybe perhaps a little more dialog as well..

You are off to a great start and I'm looking forward for the next installation. very cool. Thanks EG

[M. L. F.]

Oh lol... you missed the author's note.. this is only the prologue / first 2.5 opening pages of chapter one...Haha!! Cute though.. Means my story was so good you ignored the notes! ;).. And yes.. lol.. all the demographics and formalities are in the rest of the chapter... the next few pages in fact. Just editing the rest now... wanted to see if my opening first 2 pages were tense and interesting enough to draw the reader in... :) Thanks so much for the detailed review EG📖📝👌🙂
...Misty

[E G TEN]

Oh snaps" and there I was acting like I knew everything :D:D. My apologies,,, but please do send the rest my way when your ready:)

[M. L. F.]

Hahaa!! LOL... Much thanks EG.. ;) That awkward moment when..🤔..joking😂😂👍 i will surely send the rest of the chapter with all the details after editing scrutiny and self doubt hours are all paid in full. 😂