Safe

Safe

A Story by WriterGirl247247
"

We all want a safe place.

"
I drove home in tears. I sped despite the pouring rain. I didn't care anymore. 
I ran up to my apartment, barreled into my room, and collapsed onto my bed. I sobbed into my pillow, the one thing that understood me.
Jason’s horrified face was etched into my mind. I wouldn't be able to get it out of my head. He had just stood there, staring at the scars that wrapped around my wrist. He didn't say anything. He froze with his mouth agape. But I knew what he was thinking, so he didn't need to say a word. I left immediately.
Why didn't I explain? That the depression started after Mom died. That it was like sensory overload, and what I did was the only release. That I was cutting away the pain, not my skin. That I was better now. Why didn't I tell him? 
It was over. He saw the real me tonight. Who could ever love that?
I cried nonstop for an hour, when a knock came from the door. I was too absorbed in my misery to wonder who it was. I sluggishly got up, went to the door, and opened it.
Jason stood out in the hall.
“What are you doing here?” I said, with an edge I didn’t mean to have.
He stepped through the door and took me by the shoulders. His baby blue eyes gazed into mine. “Tess, I don't care whatever you did. All I care about is now, and making sure you never feel that way again.” 
Jason placed a soft kiss on my lips and pulled my into his arms. I squeezed him as hard as I could and cried again, but for a different reason now.
For the first time in a long time, I felt safe.

© 2016 WriterGirl247247


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Featured Review

What started out as a emotional and quite sad story turned into a very happy ending. Real feeling of sadness as she sped through pouring rain. I could quite clearly see a woman in a lot of distress. The wording was short and sharp which is always a delight to see. In the writing wrold, in my eyes less really is more.

Again great visions you have given me with such little use of words. I pictured the woman perfectly rising up from her bed to answer the door. And to feel the warm embrace at the end was perfectly executed.

This had so much coming from an emotional point of view in such a short piece.

I enjoyed it from beginning to end.
Mark.

P.S. One little thing, the word I...needs to be trimmed a bit, but i totally get why you have used it.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.



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Reviews

That was a good piece. I am amazed by how much such a short story made my think.

Ah, I hate publishing something then finding little mistakes after the fact. Its an unavoidable hazard though; especially as often as you publish!

Posted 2 Years Ago


Very readable with a high impact. I would like to agree with and add to the review comments made by Kathrin.

Short sentences are very powerful, and perfectly suited this short story. But if you plan to write much longer stories you will need to mix in bigger sentences and paragraphs and practice blending the styles to suit the plot.

Posted 2 Years Ago


I enjoyed reading this.One of the story that leaves the reader wanting the story not to end !!
Very well written :)!

Posted 2 Years Ago


What started out as a emotional and quite sad story turned into a very happy ending. Real feeling of sadness as she sped through pouring rain. I could quite clearly see a woman in a lot of distress. The wording was short and sharp which is always a delight to see. In the writing wrold, in my eyes less really is more.

Again great visions you have given me with such little use of words. I pictured the woman perfectly rising up from her bed to answer the door. And to feel the warm embrace at the end was perfectly executed.

This had so much coming from an emotional point of view in such a short piece.

I enjoyed it from beginning to end.
Mark.

P.S. One little thing, the word I...needs to be trimmed a bit, but i totally get why you have used it.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nice story really enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing ;)

Posted 3 Years Ago


Wow, what a sweet story. It made me feel so happy!!! Loved the last sentence.

Here are the notes I took while reading:

- Beginning: Tears and rain go very well together - both reinforce each other and create a certain mood. I really liked this.

- Re-read the first part - every sentence begins with 'I'. I realize that you might have done this on purpose, but consider changing it up after the first three - which work very well.

- I am a great advocate of short sentences because they're a lot more powerful than convoluted ones. However, consider adding one or two somewhat longer sentences in your first part - it might make the message that the short sentences are sending even more powerful, due to the contrast.

A lovely story overall. Thanks for sharing!

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

WriterGirl247247

3 Years Ago

Thanks for the helpful review! I'll keep that in mind for my next project. :)

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328 Views
6 Reviews
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Added on October 11, 2016
Last Updated on October 11, 2016
Tags: depression, love, hope

Author

WriterGirl247247
WriterGirl247247

About
Starting writer that is completely her first book. more..

Writing