The Windup Man

The Windup Man

A Poem by Xuru
"

I feel like a windup toy, somebody else is making me tick. Lacking any semblance of a stable centre. This is me trying to be me again.

"
I’m not living, my breath stinks worse than the fly s**t and I don’t care. My dreams flicker off. Hours and minutes recede through the cracks in the wall - I was never here.

I don’t exist, these words are figments. I don’t exist.

If you can hear me, wake up and come alive. Brush your teeth and swat those b*****d flies.

Can you hear me?

© 2018 Xuru


Author's Note

Xuru
I guess it's more of a note than a poem, but enjoy..

Looking forward to your thoughts.

Will fix grammar errors in time.

My Review

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Reviews

Sounds like a note to self by someone suffering from depression? Someone who can't even concentrate on personal hygiene who are trying to remind themselves to step back into the world?

Posted 1 Month Ago


Hear your thoughts. And my heart bleeds for your suffering and pain. Sorrow filled and dark.

Posted 1 Year Ago


I like the rithm and the settled verses... It could have gone for a bit longer giving more character to the main subject by example

Posted 1 Year Ago


I hear you and hope you’re not okay. I finally am getting around to reading other writings and I must say you have a writing voice that is really captivating. Bravo!

Posted 1 Year Ago


The wind up man marches ever stiff. His wind up key spinning slowly. Give him a twist and set him loose, only to watch him walk off a cliff.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Very good! I was skeptical of the use of flies in the beginning, but your connecting sentence was extremely invigorating. Perhaps you could focus a tad on narrative transition/expression; I was unsure of who the speaker was of the last two lines-- the original narrator? a desperate friend? But, those are things you don't really need to fret about right now. Great poem. :)

Posted 1 Year Ago


This is beautiful. The hopelessness and despair are wound up through the words, and conveyed excellently. Great piece!

Posted 1 Year Ago


This is like me when I say a spell to try to make myself disappear. Beautiful.

Love,
Vasilees.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I agree with poetic beauty
yes you are here,
yes we can hear you
no I cannot see your flies on your wall only you can
swat them or let them s**t
up to you but please breathe and live x

Posted 1 Year Ago


Xuru

1 Year Ago

Breathe in and out.
Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)

1 Year Ago

Ahh lol ok
This poem conveys a mind seeking hope and order in an inverted, swirling abyss of chaos. What's right-side up and up-side down, and how can you find your path in such darkness? It's beyond pain and misery, it's desperation. That's what I take from this piece. Original and intriguing imagery, too.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Xuru

1 Year Ago

Thank you Mr. Ray

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1228 Views
14 Reviews
Rating
Added on January 7, 2018
Last Updated on January 10, 2018
Tags: Poetry, poems, dark, short, fiction, read, writers, mental, dreams, suicide

Author

Xuru
Xuru

Canada



About
I write what I know. more..

Writing
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A Story by Xuru



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