I Do Not Want to Cross

Poem inspired by my recent break-up and the separation it generated between me and Father.

I have spent the last too long trying to force the happy

Now I sit trying to force words onto the page

Forcing the ink through the pen

The thought through the hand

But all it seems to get me is no where

I do not know why black on white comes so hard

Yet I know the gray feeling in my head all too well

I have been on this side of the fire before

But I do not want to cross through it again

So I force the words

And I force the rhyme

I force my thoughts

And I force my mind

To ignore the calling of the One from across

To ignore the need of the Love from above

I do not want to cross

But I know I need to

I do not deserve the cross

But I know I need it

 

I have spent the last too long trying to fight the sad

Now I sit trying to fight the urge to be mad

Fighting those happy memories together

The smile that shone so bright

But all it seems to get me is burned again

I do not know why color dreams hit so hard

Yet I know the grey feeling in my head all too well

I have been on this side of the fire before

But I do not want to cross through it again

So I fight the good times

And I fight the bad

I fight the hatred

And I fight my mind

Telling it to ignore the call of the One from across

Telling it to ignore the need of the Love from above

I do not want to cross

But I know I need to

I do not deserve the Cross

But I know I need it

 

I have spent the last too long not being surrendered

Now I sit trying to crawl back to my Savior

Giving in to that glow of true Love

The Love that covers my despair

But all it seems to get me is peace and comfort

I do not know why the Lord did what He did

Yet I know the grey feeling in my head all too well

I have been on this side of the fire before

But Lord, take my hand, pull me through it again

So I step into the flames

And I hear my own name

I take another leap

And I feel the Savior’s grasp

Holding me close, pulling to the One from across

Whispering in my ear, the creed of the Love from above

I did not want to cross

But I knew what the Lord could do

I do not deserve the Cross

But I thank the Lord for doing it

 

Reviews

[Rachel DeHart]

This is very powerful, the more I read your poetry the better it flows. If that makes sense.

This poem also really hits home for me, because I just went through a break up, and had to fight the same struggle you are describing.

"Now I sit trying to force words onto the page

Forcing the ink through the pen

The thought through the hand"

Those lines especially.
Keep writing, you're wonderful at it.