Hevel

Hevel

A Poem by H L Rose
"

Ecclesiastes.

"
I saw it in the morning, 
defined silhouette standing 
along the horizon. 
Patiently waiting, 
graciously waving 
along the horizon. 
I focused my gaze, 
I dragged my feet up 
towards the horizon... 
Then it drifted down 
with the sun. 

I saw it shining 
by the moon, 
thousands of miles away. 
Twinkling, lingering 
by the moon 
as night crept closer to day. 
And as I was staring, 
at it and the moon, 
It fell across the sky. 
I thought I could catch it, 
But it was outshone 
by the dawning sky. 

It’s blown around like wisps and whispers 
Disappearing in the wind. 
No matter how long I wish and labor 
It’s a chasing after wind. 
Perhaps I’ll try once again later 
But I’m tired from wanting, 
So sick of losing so quickly that vapor, 
Hevel...in the wind.

© 2019 H L Rose


Author's Note

H L Rose
Critiques and all thoughts appreciated!
For the meaning of “Hevel” :

My Review

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Featured Review

Instead of 'outshone' you should use 'outshined'. It's more aesthetically pleasing with regard to the flow you are trying to create. (it fits with the word 'around' that you use a line or two later) I understand that it's not exactly grammatically correct but, it's a poem, that's not what you need to worry about. Aesthetics come before proper grammar every time.

It's good writing. Well done. Also, go fug yourself.






This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

H L Rose

10 Months Ago

OMG! Well like that’s totally awesome! I totally appreciate the advice!

No but hone.. read more
David george

10 Months Ago

Ha... you're a good sport.



Reviews

I found the imagery you have created through your words in this poem to be beautiful and to have an ethereal quality. At first, I wasn't sure about the repetition of the word 'horizon' in the first stanza, but I came to love it after seeing how a similar pattern was used with 'moon' and 'wind' in the following stanzas. Really lovely poem.

Posted 9 Months Ago


H L Rose

9 Months Ago

Thank you! I'm glad you grew to love the pattern!
Rose, this is an excellent write. Growing up in an Old Testament religion, I know it's meaning.
The book of Ecclesiastes was designed to force us to face down our own ultimate demises.
I think you've done a great job here of showing us that life is riding futile on the wind for all of us.
That's not really such a bad thing, though. The same Book also shows us we should cherish every moment as if it were the last we know.

Thanks for sharing this.
I love it!

Posted 9 Months Ago


H L Rose

9 Months Ago

Same! I read Samuel for the first time this past summer and it was so fascinating. The character dev.. read more
Wesley Dingler

9 Months Ago

Oh I believe in Him, and I have no problem saying so.
I have no faith in His fan club.
.. read more
H L Rose

9 Months Ago

Well if His fan club is focusing on listening to the Holy Spirit I think they(Well I should say "we".. read more
I found this a very spiritually inspired write - full of imagery and creative wordplay. I do know that the meaning of Hevel is "breath, vapour" from a Hebrew perspective and find the use of this word as your title, self-explanatory!
Loved it ... :-)

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

H L Rose

9 Months Ago

Thank you!! I’m so glad you think “Hevel” comes across right!
I think an important part of the background for this remains in your head, because though there was a lot of talk about "it" you never clarified what it was, and without context the words are just words. Perhaps if I started out knowing what Hevel means to you it would help, but I don't. And after looking over the many possible meanings found online, I noted that not one of them referred to something that could be something "defined" way out at the horizon.

I was also a bit confused as to how one can drag their feet "up" toward the horizon without leaving them upside down.

Yes, I know your intent was for another meaning, but your intent doesn't make it to the page, so you need to supply context along with the words, and edit from the viewpoint of a reader, who has only what the words suggest to them, based on their background, not your intent.

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

H L Rose

10 Months Ago

I am very appreciative of your thoughts.

I am glad you have mentioned line 8. I will.. read more
JayG

10 Months Ago

• It seems a little ineffective or inessential to define “it” as “the thing the speaker is s.. read more
H L Rose

10 Months Ago

😂 okay but like this isn’t a conversation. It is poetry. “It” is different for everyone and.. read more
Ah, i love the two settimgs. The sun and moonlight. Sigh, this was so pretty and the moonlight description had me wide eyed. I loved that, it made me envision a beautiful scenery of blueish tones and... Err; getting off topic :P anyways i love how those two were like the yin and yang balancing out this poem. Hopefully you get what youve been chasing after soon.

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

H L Rose

10 Months Ago

I’m so glad you like it and I love looking at it that way!
I hope to learn to stop chasing.. read more
Sarah_Allen

10 Months Ago

Hahaha yeah! Good luck :)
H L Rose

10 Months Ago

Thanks! 😊
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Gee
If I can catch my breath I know I'm out walking in weather far to cold for my liking.
You have taken a simple subject and put together a very well written poem.
Had to Google hevel
Good morning

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

H L Rose

10 Months Ago

Good morning! I would so not be thrilled to be in the cold that early in the morning. Hope you have .. read more
Instead of 'outshone' you should use 'outshined'. It's more aesthetically pleasing with regard to the flow you are trying to create. (it fits with the word 'around' that you use a line or two later) I understand that it's not exactly grammatically correct but, it's a poem, that's not what you need to worry about. Aesthetics come before proper grammar every time.

It's good writing. Well done. Also, go fug yourself.






This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

H L Rose

10 Months Ago

OMG! Well like that’s totally awesome! I totally appreciate the advice!

No but hone.. read more
David george

10 Months Ago

Ha... you're a good sport.
Very beautiful poem! I emjoyed it. Somehow it reminds me of a person who recently lost someone precious and wants to join them, but can;t.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

H L Rose

10 Months Ago

In so glad you enjoyed it!
I’m glad to hear your perspective. It is fantastic to hear what.. read more

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8 Reviews
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Added on December 7, 2018
Last Updated on February 17, 2019
Tags: Poetry, Ecclesiastes

Author

H L Rose
H L Rose

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