A Story by Vicky Zhuang Yi-Yin

Unconfirmed name for this story, and it's sorta chapter 1, but for now it's just a short story, I'll continue with it later...

Party music was raging loudly at the beach. Young teenagers were enjoying the last day of the trip the school arranged for them. The volume of music lowered. Everyone gathered where the water met the sand on the beach to watch the sunset. Hues of orange and red began to slowly fade allowing the blues to take their place. The colours danced in the music of silence as they had done twice a day since the beginning of time. A sigh was released from its prison, hovering above the group of teenagers. Most of them were couples. A few of the girls had rested their heads on their boys’ shoulders as they stared at the sunset, mesmerized and hypnotized.

Brea sat down on the warm sand. A cool sea breeze blew her hair into her face. She did not mind it. Nothing, not even her hair could disturb this view. Adam, her best friend, rested himself beside her with his video camera in his left hand. He wanted to trap the moment in the camera so he could view it over and over and over again when they returned. He brushed her hair away from her face and bunched them behind her ear. He smiled at her. She smiled back. The moment was perfect. She wished she could stay this way forever and ever.

“Adam!” another girl cried. It broke the peace Brea was enjoying. She could feel a pang of jealousy in the girl’s voice. But why should she be jealous? After all she had Adam and Brea did not.

Adam left with a small nod. She looked at him go to Windy. Her long blonde hair danced in the breeze. Her slender curvy body would drive any boy crazy. She was the most desired girl in high school and she belonged to Adam.

Brea sighed. Almost everyone else was holding their other half’s hand. She sat there alone as she stared at them for a while and then looked back at the sunset. Now she wished she could block her ears as the other teenagers began to blow kisses at each other.

“Hey Brea!” she heard Adam’s soft voice. “Can you record this for us?” He pointed at two palm trees that faced each other and let their leaves come together, like holding hands.

She looked at the boy and then the girl. Windy had her arms around his neck. She kissed his chin flirtatiously and then his cheeks. Adam looked happy. “Hold on Windy!” Brea heard him say. Brea wanted to say no, but she could not refuse a simple request from him.

Brea stood up and brushed the sand off her long skirt, which was just a piece of cloth wrapped around her waist. She walked towards him with painful steps. Adam handed the camera to her. “This canopy looks awesome,” he said.

“Adam, can we be in this video?” Windy said as she walked under the canopy. Slow music began to play again in the background. The party was to begin again. “Oh! I love this song! We can dance!” she cried gleefully. She twirled a lock of her hair in her finger.

Brea bit her lips. She did not want to see that!

“Okay, I’m coming. Let Brea get ready,” Adam replied.

Brea glared at Windy who returned a tantalizing smile. Suddenly Brea felt like her heart broke. It pierced with pain. She fell on her knee clutching her heart.

“Are you alright Brea?” Adam asked.

Brea looked up and locked her gaze with Adam’s green eyes. “Adam, come on!” Windy rudely broke the peace once again. “Coming!” Adam replied as he ran off to Windy. Brea stood up. “Okay Brea! Action!”

She held the camera at an arms length. She pressed the record button. And then it began.

Windy slowly wrapped her arms around Adam’s neck. She whispered something in his ear. Adam smiled lovingly, he lipped an adoring reply and Windy giggled. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her forehead. Brea needed to look away but she was given a responsibility. She had to record the whole thing. She had to see the whole thing. She had to do it at his request, even if it tore her to pieces.

The couple swayed to the music, looking deep into each other’s eyes. Brea wanted to break the bond apart. Her insides somersaulted as Windy rested her head on Adam’s heart. She fought back her tears. She had to be strong in front of him. ‘I can not cry in front of him,’ she told herself. And then slowly, Windy brought her lips close to Adam’s. She took one look at the boy and then allowed her lips to touch his lips. She closed her eyes. He closed his.

Brea gulped down her emotions and put up a smile. But they would not stop. A minute passed. Another minute passed. The smile quickly disappeared. She could not control herself anymore. She closed the camera absentmindedly, dropped it on the soft sand and ran off. Her tears had won. They were streaming down her face. Twilight had fallen. The party revitalized in full swing. Brea ran between the couples, but no one noticed her.

Adam opened his eyes. He could not find Brea. He looked at the camera and he broke free from the kiss. “What’s wrong Adam?” Windy cooed. She tried to stay closer to him.

“Where’s Brea?” Adam asked. He walked over to the camera and picked it up. “Brea?” he whispered.

Annoyed, Windy retorted, “Who cares where she went?”

“Well, I can’t just leave her alone. Something upset her.”

“She’s jealous, that’s all. She’ll be fine. Don’t worry,” Windy said with an air of pride.

“Come on Windy, you can’t be that heartless,” Adam said.

“There is nothing heartless about me. I’m sure she is fine,” Windy replied as she crossed her arm, exasperated by the comment. She flicked her fringe aside; Adam loved it when she did that.

“I’m going to look for her,” Adam said finally.

Windy frowned but she had to give in. “Fine, go. I’m not going to look for her.”

“Go have fun with the others,” Adam said. He was annoyed with Windy’s coldness. He walked away, following Brea’s footprints in the sand. He could see them despite the dim lights from the bonfire that had just awakened. “Brea!” he called. There was no reply. “Brea where are you?”

The distance between the footprints grew. He knew Brea ran away. “Come on Brea! Where’d you go?”

Sniffs replied him this time. Was that Brea crying?

Brea sat on the wooden dock. The wood was rotting and the smell of dead moss and rot was unbearable. But Brea did not mind. She let her tears flow. All the pain of seeing Adam with someone else poured out like the lava that had built up pressure inside a volcano. She could not tell him. He would worry about her. “Come on Brea! Where’d you go?”

Adam’s voice came into her ears. He was nearby.

The girl quickly rubbed her eyes and wiped her tears. She looked at herself in her reflection in the water. She hated herself for not being brave enough to speak up. She still had not lost him completely but she was going to because she could not speak to him about her feelings.

They were childhood friends, neighbours and partners in pranks. They both wanted to be doctors after they lost two friends to a disease a few years back.

“Brea, what are you doing here?” Adam asked. “The tour guide told us to stay together and he told us not to come here. Remember?”

Brea looked at him. “I’m just enjoying the view,” she said. She lied. There was nothing enjoyable about the view at that time. Stars were not willing to shine on the dock. The moon had shied away.

“Come on, come back. If anything happens to you, no one will know.”

‘That’s the way I want it,’ Brea thought. She could not say it out loud. She knew Adam would get angry with her if she did.

“Come on Brea!”

“Leave me alone!” she snapped.


“Windy’s waiting for you. Go to her!”

“She knows I’m looking for you. She’ll understand.”

‘You think she is so sweet,’ Brea said in her mind. “I’ll come later. You go and have fun.”

“I know something’s bugging you. I want to talk.”

“I’m fine! Nothing is bugging me!” Brea said as she shut her eyes tightly.

“Are you sure? You ran off. You always run off when you’re upset and bugged,” Adam said as he took a step on the rotting wood.

“Not really.”

“Come on, you know you can always trust me with your problems.”

“I don’t have a problem!” Brea shouted.

“You don’t sound like it,” Adam replied as he took another step. The wood below creaked threateningly. Brea flinched. She stood up. The wood creaked louder again. She suddenly felt afraid. “Brea! This thing’s going to break!” Adam cried.

“You go! I’ll come when I feel like it!” she said as she faced Adam. He saw her tearful eyes. He saw her strained face. He knew she was fighting to hide something from him. But he had been a friend for too long. He knew everything about her, her hand writing, the way she sat, the way she talked, the way she walked, everything. When she cried, when she laughed, what she liked, what she hated, he knew everything.

Brea gulped down her emotions again. “Come on Brea, stop acting like a baby! I know you’re better than that!”

Brea could not be stubborn anymore. She took a step forward. One of the supporting stumps gave way. The girl released a fearful scream. Adam ran forward and held her arm, pulling her towards him. “I got you,” he said. “Come on let’s go back. Take small steps.”

Brea did as she was told, small steps. She lifted her foot and rested it on the next plank. The weak plank creaked and then gave way. Her hand slipped away from Adam’s grip. “Brea!” he shouted.

Brea fell into the murky water underneath. It was not so deep. She could swim out of it. She swayed her arms and shook her legs. The water around her felt heavy. She held her breathe. She could hear Adam shouting her name, “Brea!”

She pushed the water away from her head, trying to break the surface. The water seemed to bog her down. The current seemed to take her away from the dock.

“Come on Brea! Swim out!” she could here her best friend shout from outside. The current was not supposed to be this strong. ‘That’s strange,’ Brea thought in panic. She was a good swimmer in school. She had a couple of medals hanging on her bedroom wall. It should not be difficult for her to swim back to the shore, back to where Adam was.

Adam panicked. This was not like Brea to stay so long in the water. He jumped in. He looked around in the dark water. He spotted Brea’s body struggling to get out of the water. He swam towards her. Her hair floated in the water freely with ease. Her face showed strain. The oxygen in her lungs was running out. She was kicking violently in the water. Adam wrapped his left arm around her waist and waved his right arm wildly trying to swim towards the surface. The sooner she was out of the water, the better.

Suddenly the water around him became heavy. Adam let out a surprised gasp, relieving all the air he had in reserve. Brea slipped once again from his grip, as she drifted into darkness. Her oxygen reserve was already over and done with. She tried to hold on. She swung her arms like mad, but she gave up and fell to the bottom.

‘Brea!’ Adam thought. His air was gone. He had to break free. He swiped his arms, shook his legs. He tried with all his might. He had to get more air so he could return for Brea. He was not going to leave her; he did not want to lose her. But he too gave up and fell to the bottom of the sea beside Brea, his hand unconsciously falling onto Brea’s hand…

© 2010 Vicky Zhuang Yi-Yin

My Review

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That starts out as a typical teenage love story/traingle and then unds up with both of them drowning. I thought the shift was too abrupt and not totally convincing. However, the quality of your writing was good.

Posted 9 Years Ago

Beautiful Piece of Writing
I want more of this coming from you VIcky :)

Posted 11 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I think you suffered therefore you have written sad concept story

Posted 11 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Again sad but nice. The emotions are presented very well. I like how the story goes too. Overall its really well written and i find the descriptions and details amazing. I'm not sure about the end though, its great as it is but i feel i want to see more details, more drama. But it might be just me.

Several minor things:

"The volume of music" here you need the before music because you specified earlier it was party music.

"water met the sand on the beach " If water met sand its obvious its on the beach, you don't need to clarify.

"bunched them" You mean "it"

"Brea heard him say. Brea wanted to say no" Since you have her name the first sentence the second is repetitions so i suggest to use "she" instead.

"crossed her arm" A small typo - arms.

"Adam said finally" Sentence structure, should be "Adam finally said."

"could here" Typo - hear.

"Her oxygen reserve " Reserve sounds too heavy, i think you can go without it this time.

"arms like mad" I suggest madly instead of like mad.

Anyhow, keep up the good work.

Posted 12 Years Ago

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4 Reviews
Added on August 16, 2010
Last Updated on August 16, 2010


Vicky Zhuang Yi-Yin
Vicky Zhuang Yi-Yin

Lahore, Pakistan

I'm an amateur writer, who enjoys to write a lot. I almost write anything that comes to my mind, or what I am asked to write. My genres range from fantasy fiction to journal blogs and poetry to haiku... more..