The Visitor

A very old piece of mine, one of the first, written when I was around 11, I was sent to the school counselor after submitting this for a poetry assignment.

"And in the end we'll weep and wail
                      because our lives are doomed to fail..."
 
 
 
 
 
"The Visitor"
 
I had a vision in the night,
I saw a light,
T'was burning bright,
Above my head,
As I lay dead,
(Or so I've said but do not dread I was not dead)
I lay asleep,
I had a peep,
Up at this star,
A brightened scar,
Against the sky,
(It was espied inside my eye I do not lie t'was in the sky)
And as I watched, it fell to earth,
And what a girth!
As if the night had given birth,
It filled the air,
And raised my hair,
(But I approached it's shining lair and look what I discovered there!)
Not a star celestial,
But a thing more bestial,
Sixteen feet from wing to wing,
A pure and good, yet saddened thing,
And she did make me feel a king!
(For she was young and with a word she held my tongue, oh the songs I could have sung!)
For then she knelt,
And sure I felt,
Of all the cards I had been dealt,
This was the best.

 

Author's Note

Ah the days of primary school prose. This is a nostalgic one and bear in mind I was only a child when I penned it! If you're gonna mistreat it, beat it.

Reviews

[Rene Salinas]

I am and will be, I guess, more than fascinated if not infatuated by the reality of dream within a dream, death becoming, who is there? dynamic. I confess is nothing but my droning mind for Poe's ability, I only wish. I guess that is my way of saying I was already attracted to your writing by word number three (sorry I am a little slow that way, I needed the first two). And from then on I rather not deleve in figurative conformity as for me this needs to be let out free. If it was to mean one thing or the other to me will defeat the point of the offering. It is in beholding and waiting to see the message that comes to you where the magic of this type of wrting can be found.

Did you take Lenore by any chance?

Thankyou

[Christopher Robin]

Thank you as always for your kind words and commentary. This was long before I'd ever read Poe's 'Lenore' and was taken from nothing more than a half remembered dream. I was childish enough to not understand the subtext behind what I had written until much later. Yet for me, art is the piece itself, not the story behind it so feel free to take any interpretation you like away from it. My own is that if ever we were to encounter an angel, they would be anything but what we suspect.

-Robin

[Rene Salinas]

Thankyou for sharing that mate. In that case your original intention miles apart and it sheds more light that my infatuated one.

[Chad Sell]

11 year old you was pretty impressive. I really enjoyed the meter to this piece (I think that's the word I'm going for--you'll have to forgive me, I'm not as proficient with my poetry terms as I'd like to be!), especially the lines in parentheses. It's amazing how such an eloquent poem also managed to capture childlike innocence and wonder. I think it has something to do with how your 11 year old self used words like "bestial" and "espied", and then simpler/more childish words like "peep" and "raised my hair" in the same poem :P Thanks for sharing!

[Christopher Robin]

Thanks Chad!
Please don't take it to think I was some sort of child genius, my mother was a teacher (at a separate school) and from the moment I began to write, she began to critique my work. When i started attempted poetry and descriptive language I'll never forger what she said to me: "Every time you feel the need to use the word 'very', it's time to open a thesaurus". She bought me a thesaurus and a dictionary and every time I would sit down to write and feel like a word was out of place, didn't feel right, or I had (heaven forbid) used the word 'very' I popped open the thesaurus and dictionary until i found the ones I wanted. I used both as I constructed this piece. I was not familiar with those terms until after writing it! But the lesson has stayed with me ever since :)

Thanks for your comments and awesome feedback, always appreciated!

-Robin

[AprilRN1210]

I am a visual person and first I HAVE to comment on the visual beauty that you have created with your magical words... the construction alone is worthy of praise.. it just stands out to me.. ok.. moving on... 11?... that is another impressive element to this work... then finish it off with this rhyming, amusing piece that makes sense and stays on point... that makes this unbelievable... blown away.. you were destined for greatness in this area... No wonder I am half speechless after reading your work.. I am quickly becoming a fan...

[Christopher Robin]

Always happy to have a fan! getting a little hot after all that praise so a mechanical fan might help also... I was introduced to poetry very early on and always enjoyed tackling big novels and trying to emulate the authors in short pieces of writing. Having my mum as a teacher certainly helped as well! To be honest I had little notion of what i was really writing at the time, I was trying to describe something like a half remembered dream, I remember it was one of the few things at school I worked hard at!
Thank you as always for the awesome comments and praise!

-Robin

[AprilRN1210]

ahhhh, he has jokes.. cute.... :P
It sounds to me like you were blessed in that aspect.. I am still impressed.. few things, huh?... well, it has paid off from what I have seen so far.. so, well done.. get your fan cranking... you have a lot more "glowing reviews" to sift through.. :D

[Dee]

For one so young it is amazing, it flows well in the reading, ..and your choice words bring clear imagery. Bravo Christopher ~ you were born to write for sure.....Smiles..Dee.

[Christopher Robin]

Wow Dee!

thank you so much for you kind words and praise, saying i was 'born to write' is quite the honor! I hope you find as much joy in my other works as you have this one, if you have works yourself I look forward to viewing them!

-Robin

[Sophy Freebirds]

I have recently passed my school. If you cab say one year recent... and i guess i hadn't started writing poems back then. Just simple couplets would be in my mind. You were just 11 when you penned it,holy wow!! I could really paint a wide- eyed boy infront of my eyes who is watching the star with awe..... such a lovely visitor who kissed your feet. I have a thing for rhyming poems. So i enjoyed this one a lot. :)

~Sophy

[Christopher Robin]

Most welcome as ever Sophy! glad you enjoyed it. I didn't begin hobby writing until many years later, this was simply a one-off attempt for a school assignment. I'm glad it paints such an elegant picture for you, I'm glad to see the interpretation still remains nice and open. I'll do my best to dig up some more rhymes for you :)

-Robin

[Christopher Robin]

Also if you love rhyme you should check out my piece 'Stop' !

[Sophy Freebirds]

Yeah.. will check it out ASAP... ;)

[Ashira Macy]

I can kind of see why they would have been a little concerned. It does seem a bit mature for an 11 year old kid. Bravo though, not many can boast being good so early.

[Christopher Robin]

Yes i was hungry for books, fiction, poetry and more as far back as I can remember, my mother was a teacher and her sage advice was 'whenever you feel the need to use the word 'very', open a thesaurus'. I remember having to consult one many times in my early days :P

[Ashira Macy]

Haha, well that is good advice for sure, though I had never heard it before. Ok, I am speaking in rhymes now which probably means enough poetry for the night. =P