Quiet Room

This is about troubles i had with life in general.

It's my worst nightmare
I'm up against the ropes
Trying to be stronger
But there is no hope
My future flashed by me
I began to choke
I'm hesitating
So I take a toke

I watch the sunrise
As if it falls
She wasn't by my side
She had forestalled
It's clear I should be gone
Nothing to be found
The struggle will go on
So knock me to the ground

Tried to clear my head
Bring myself forward
Lay there in my bed
Not a sound was heard
I looked for a sign
But all your time was full
So we drew the line
Then, to the hospital

Save me from this haunted room
Get me out of here
Sick of this doom and gloom
Death I do not fear

I watch the sunrise
As if it falls
She wasn't by my side
She had forestalled
It's clear I should be gone
Nothing to be found
The struggle will go on
So knock me to the ground

I watch the sunrise
As if it falls
She wasn't by my side
She had forestalled
It's clear I should be gone
Nothing to be found
The struggle will go on
So knock me to the ground

Stop before it's too late
But it feels so good
Stop before it's too late
She could have understood
Stop before it's too late
My veins, full with love
Stop before it's too late
I cut off all the blood

Author's Note

Tips or constructive criticism would be great. Thanks.

Reviews

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

I find it balanced well, grammatically unstable though I'm afraid. I feel it cut lined after every point, would it perhaps work better in a pentameter rhyme, or constructed prose. Fantastic imagery and hammered points thought, well done for that. i'm not quite sure about the underline's, I feel it was to emphasize, but the wording holds it own in that sense, well done again.

[PIG-RHCP]

Yeah , Im big into my music and its what i want to do when im older. This was the first ever song i wrote so im sure its not great. I underlined the chorus' but now that i think of it i have no idea why. Thanks for your input.