Two Halves: Chapter 4

Chapter 4 of two halves... yup

The tea man cut a winding path through the city. Eventually they came to rest on the doorstep of a large warehouse. He had led them into the industrial district, and from the smell of it, near to the docks. Paint flecked off the crumbling concrete of the warehouse. It was old; the model of the TeraFlex was clearly ancient.

 

The generator on the side of the building was grinding and shaking. It probably had not been turned on for years, and its sudden call to action left it wounded. The tea man turned to Nicolas.

 

“Sir, Mr. Ernie is inside. He is going to discuss with you the terms of your deal. I regret to inform you that I shall be standing by to assassinate you in the event you make a attempt on Mr. Ernie’s life.” The tea man spoke as if from a script, as if he had given this speech many times before. He opened the door to reveal the cavernous interior of the warehouse.

 

Under a lamp sat Mr. Ernie. He had decided to bring a large leather armchair to the meeting. Just another attempt to impress him, thought Nicolas. He sat on the cold metal folding chair, which was the only other piece of furniture in the room. He felt a change in the air behind him. Even though he could not see him, he knew the tea man was standing just behind his left shoulder. He had activated his Chameleon body suit the Semi-aqueous photon emitters were at full capacity. The small shimmer that normally indicated the presence of a Chameleon suit was not even visible; it was indeed an expensive model. Just who exactly was the tea man?

 

“Sorry for the disturbance earlier. Those pesky security corps have become quite annoying these days.” Spoke Ernie with his sadistic smile. Two burly bodyguards flanked him, but they were just for show. The real danger was the people unseen. Those lurking behind the assorted crates of merchandise in the room, not the mention the tea man,

 

“What have you done now, Ernie, those were some very heavily armed mercs. One of them took as shot at me with a Tesla rifle. A Bloody Tesla Rifle! You know how terrifying it is running through the back streets being chased by lightning!” Stammered Nicolas.

 

“Yet you are sitting here. You escaped, and I am sure you are exaggerating. I have seen you take on much more heavily armed men at even worse odds and come out of it with the spring in your step still intact.” Ernie reached into a bag he had sitting next to him in the chair. It was a wax paper sack. It seemed as if Ernie still had his fondness for candy. Ernie drew a small sugary globe from the sack and plopped it into his mouth and sucked at it happily. He always did this when he thought.

 

“Now let us discuss your terms. I agree that the payment of the typewriters is fair for the items on the list, but I must ask you. What are you going to do with this Nicolas? I know you use those typewriters to talk to your gal in world Earth-2, and I have always respected that and kept away from them. Why would you give them to me?” He had a slight pleading tone in his voice. He was genuinely curious.

 

“If this happens how I plan it I won’t need them any more. I am going to pass across the dimensional gate way and get back to her.” Nicolas spoke with a twinkle in his eye. A look of a man determined.

 

“The dimensional gate! What do you want to do man, get yourself killed? The auditors will be gunning you down as soon as you enter non-dimensional space! Going alone is suicide!” Ernie was flabbergasted by this revelation.

 

“Yes, it probably is. But I need to see her. I can’t go on living like this! That crappy apartment, the occasional job from you, this dank city! I haven’t seen Abigail in ten years. Since we were teenagers!” Nicolas yelled at Ernie. Pouring out ten years of regret and frustration into the man. Ernie sighed deeply.

 

“I know, believe me I know how much of a b***h this world can be, but life goes on ya see?” He reached to his neck subconsciously. A small silver cross lay there. Nicolas had never asked what exactly it was.

 

“See this cross. This is from my gal. She died twenty-seven years ago when the governments from Earth-1 and Earth-2 had the Blaze War. I mourned, but I didn’t dwell on it. Life goes on, you have to keep going with it.” Ernie spoke slowly. His voice hollow and distant.

 

“But my girl isn’t dead.” Nicolas injected into the silence, the words hung in the air for a few moment.

 

“I know your story had a sad ending, and believe me Ernie I’m sorry, but why does that mean that my story had to end badly to. The damn super corps have had enough free range. We both know that there are still resistance fighters on Earth-2. All they need is a way to get here, and we can give them that. You send me first, and I rally the troops and we use the typewriters to plan the invasion. You use your connections to raise a force here big enough to fight their way to the dimensional gate, and then we can let Earth-2’s armies in. We can retake this city.” Nicolas was practically shouting now in his excitement. He had inadvertently gotten up during his speech knocking his chair over.

 

“Nick, you are one crazy son of a b***h, you know that.” Ernie began to laugh, his normal calm façade gone. This hearty guffaw had real mirth in it. “This plan is almost crazy enough to work. Sure I’ll get ya these supplies, but on one condition. You let me send one of my guys with you.” Nicolas weighed the options. He knew Ernie would not be persuaded on this.

 

“Deal.” responded Nicolas, he walked over and shook Ernie’s hand.

 

“Betsalel.” Spoke Ernie to the space immediately behind Nicolas’s left shoulder.

 

“Yes, sir.” Answered the small patch of nothingness.

 

“You are to accompany our friend Nicolas along his journey. You will be his bodyguard and his guide. You spent a good deal of time in non-dimensional space during your service, correct? Oh and you can turn off you suit now.” The air shimmered and Betsalel came into view. His face wore a perfectly measured blank expression.

 

“Yes sir. A good deal of time sir.” Answered Betsalel in an equally monotone voice.

 

“Good. Nicolas, Betsalel shall bring you back to your apartment. I shall send along word when I have acquired the supplies you asked for. Most shall be fairly easy, but the specific summoner’s flute your list mentioned may prove difficult. I will send them along with Betsalel when the time comes. I expect you to be planning until then” Ernie got up and walked away into the recesses of the warehouse. Betsalel indicated for him to follow, and the two exited the building, and reentered the city.

Author's Note

I just realized how dialogue heavy this chapter is. I would like opinions on that if you don't mind.

EDIT: I just want to let yall know. I am not editing old stuff. I will do the editing process at the end and will probably rewrite the entire first 10-15k words of the book. My writing has improved so much I can hardly recongnize it.

Reviews

[Domenic Luciani]

It's coming along very well. Not just the story, but your writing as well.
Liked the the touch with Ernie's candy, It adds personality to his character.
a few minor errors like the ones that James pointed out, but thats pretty much it.
Keep up the good work.

[Vivian]

I like your dialogue. It flows to me, and it held the seriousness intended, but was also broken (naturally) by the laughter. Again, we (readers) get to see the desperation Nicolas has, his longing for Abigail. And we also get to see that Ernie isn't just some cold hard b*****d that doesn't care. He, for one, had a girl, had a better life, and for two, he hates the system...and is all too willing to destory it. This is getting exciting! I like it!! Love it!! YAAAAAAAAAAAYY!! And your writing is getting better, the story is getting better, EVERYTHING is getting better. And candy! I like candy too...do they not have candy? :( This post-apocalyptic world really sucks! :P (But it makes for one heck of a story!)

[NSisifo]

I know you're not going to edit it, but just one thing that caught my eye was the word assassinate in the third paragraph. Assassinations are done secretly and without the person knowing, so it doesn't seem like the right word.
Just an opinion.

I'm not usually into this genre, but it's pretty interesting. The dialogue seemed to flow well.

[Miss Coral]

Great work on dialogue- that's always something that I've struggled with. Also, way to add interest to the story while also providing more information. Great job!

[Manda]

oh! loved it! its getting so good!

[Daniel Gardner]

I think you did a good job with the dialogue. It wasn't too drawn out or lifeless.

[deeps]

This is wonderful I enjoyed this.

[James Watts]

“What have you done now Ernie, those were some very heavily armed mercs.( comma before Ernie.)

What do you want to do man, get yourself killed? (comma before man)

“Nick, you are one crazy son of a b***h you know that.(comma after b***h)

“Yes sir, a good deal of time sir.”( replace period after sir with a comma)

This is not bad, the dialogue seemed to me to be well planted and well placed. You were walking the line on it, but stayed on the side of the good. Dialogue is a good tool to move a story along, and effective, just watch how much you use. Too much dialogue can kill a story just as fast as dull, stilted dialogue.

[Deaths Cold Kiss]

i really like the dialogue, next chapter, please????

[Dutch Jr.]

Dialogue is good, I think it helps progress the plot, and, if used effectively, can help reveal character traits an personality. It helps the reader care about your characters. But I think this is good.