Sugar

Now even my dreams inflict me with pain,

The dreams that once used to be my happy place,

Which once used to be my escape

From the bitter reality,

That I can taste constantly on my tongue,

That very tongue which I once used to say only honey sweet words,

But now speaks only unpleasant and petulantly.

Oh how much I am longing for just a taste of sugar,

Maybe just once.

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[MantaStyle]

For some reason the entire poem doesn't roll off my imaginary tongue. I can't really explain why as I'm not talking about a rhyming scheme or a structure but your wordings could be a lot better to make everything feel smoother.

My example is
>Which once used to be my escape

The wording here is hard to say that even in my brain I get tongue tied.