A Warning

A Warning

A Poem by @_av_poetry

I warned you from the start

That I am damaged goods,

That I'm a shattered girl.

A soul lost in the woods.


You said you didn’t care

About my broken heart,

That we would take the pieces

And turn them into art.


I told you it's too late,

That I am too far gone,

That I'm the darkest sunset,

And you, the brightest dawn.


You said that light and shadow

Are dancing hand in hand,

And if we keep our faith,

Our dreams will go as planned.


I fell back into silence.

You didn't heed my warning.

And so I grasped the night,

And you the brilliant morning.

© 2019 @_av_poetry


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Reviews

I liked this, having been in chaos relationships before, night and day trying to co exist, does not bode well.

Posted 4 Years Ago


@_av_poetry

4 Years Ago

Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts. Much appreciated.
I really like this one very much. Such strong declaration of love, and yet not quite strong enough. It did not hold on, as so often is the case. Because love must be met half way.

Posted 4 Years Ago


@_av_poetry

4 Years Ago

Love is not enough when people haven't healed first before trying to enter a relationship.Thank you .. read more
This is a deceptively simple rhyming poem that is full of great images and clever twists. The subject matter is very common in WC but you have risen above the hackneyed phrases. Your use of light and darkness to describe this relationship is very good.
Great work.
Alan

Posted 4 Years Ago


@_av_poetry

4 Years Ago

Thank you.
I do my best to convey deep meaning by using simple words. I'm glad you noticed. .. read more
a near miss...love almost takes hold, but they are on different planes...

she is still in the darkness of the past and can't get out...even though he was right...
broken pieces of heart became perfect pieces of art.
well done, Angela..
well done.
j.

Posted 4 Years Ago


@_av_poetry

4 Years Ago

Thank you. I appreciate the way you interpret my poems. Always spot on.
Holy kwap, AV! This is amazing! Touching and moving! Profound and powerful! Incredible!

I do have a couple of comments: The second iteration of "broken heart" is more powerful than the first, and since you don't continue the form of ABAB, you can definitely change the first "heart" into something more powerful (that doesn't have to necessarily rhyme). See what you come up with. And the second is the expression is "heed a warning". Saying "want" (in the last stanza), yes, strays from the cliché, but in this case, in order for the last to lines to really pack the greatest punch and be a greater ending, say "heed".

This is otherwise beyond words! I'm in awe! Well freaking done!

Posted 4 Years Ago


emipoemi

4 Years Ago

"shattered girl".....not a bad change. Keep "shattered", change "girl" (simply because "girl" and "s.. read more
@_av_poetry

4 Years Ago

Thank you I'll work more on it soon
I really enjoyed this read. Nicely told story. She was prepared to take a chance, accept you as you were with all your baggage. I hope she was able to mend your broken heart.

Chris

Posted 4 Years Ago


@_av_poetry

4 Years Ago

Hey Chris.
I understand my name here doesn't exactly convey my gender! My name is Angela. read more
Chris Shaw

4 Years Ago

Hello Angela :) Pleased to know more about you :)

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6 Reviews
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Added on May 17, 2019
Last Updated on May 17, 2019

Author

@_av_poetry
@_av_poetry

United Kingdom



About
Writing is my life. It keeps me sane. My biggest hope is that my writing can make an impact in someone's life, even if it means it will just make someone smile or shed a tear. more..

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