To Dance Again

Setting: Museum of Modern Renaissance; there is a pianist, an operatic duo, and couples dancing across the floor

Characters:

ABIGAIL

WILLIAM

HUGHES

BHAVIN

[PIANIST, OPERATIC DUO

EXTRAS: COUPLES]

A: [exiting car] It would have been so much more romantic to meet you here. You would be waiting for me among a mass of people and then I would walk in and we would lock eyes and you would make your way through the crowd and it would all be so perfect.

B: Not everything can be just like you imagine it, you know. And this way we got to ride over together.

A: I know. In fact, I would say nothing can be like I imagined it. But still, I persist in imagining.

[They stop before the door]

B: I’m imagining all sorts of things happening in here.

A: Aren’t you excited?!

B: [admitting] I am. Let’s go.

[They open the doors to the scene described in SETTING; a maitre de approaches them immediately]

MD: Welcome, welcome, to the Museum of Modern Renaissance. It will be a night of culture and refinement; gluttony and excess. Remember: we are all hedonists here.

B: My kind of night, then.

MD: [Smiles] Help yourselves to the appetizers before our main meal, which will commence in about an hour’s time.

A: [warmly] Thank you, very much. Do you mind if we take a look around?

MD: [smiles] Oh, no, at these sorts of things exploration is encouraged.

A: [looks excitedly at B] Come on!

B: [Smiles despite himself] Okay, okay.

[WILLIAM and HUGHES enter through side door; HUGHES is mischievous, excited; WILLIAM looks impassive]

H: Hurry up! We need to situate ourselves before she comes.

W: She’s already here. I saw her walk in a minute or so before we did.

H: [incredulous, turning back to W] What? Why didn’t you say anything?

W: [shrugs]

H: Ugh! Well, I suppose it doesn’t matter, because she isn’t HERE, in this room. Still, I wanted to explore without the possibility of bumping into her. Where shall we station ourselves?

W: I don’t think it matters.

H: Of course it matters!

W: [silent]

H: [snorts] God, you’re lively, aren’t you. Well, they can’t see us, right?-- everyone else? Can he see us, what’s his name-- Bhavin?

W: Nobody can see us except for her.

H: Good, good. Shall we try an operatic duet? I know a bit of piano [leaps to sit beside the pianist, bangs away at the keys, but does not change the music]

W: [ sarcasm] Beautiful, Hughes.

H: [leaps up] Thanks. I know. [pause] I would pay good money to hear you sing.

W: You’ll be saving a good sum, then.

[The two stand, W very tall, H short, and in silence watch the couples dance; W is stoic, H is eager.]

[B and A are kissing in an upstairs lobby; an older woman walks in on them. They break apart, and A is visibly embarrassed; B is amused]

OW: My, my. Young love. Or lust, shall I say. [leans forward, winks] You know, it doesn’t always have to go away. The lust, I mean. In general. [She waddles away in her large dress]

A: Well, that was embarrassing.

B: [smiling, looking at her] It was funny. [Pulls her into a kiss]

A: [pulls away after a moment] Do you miss India often?

B: What a pertinent question at a time like this.

A: I’m serious! I was thinking earlier how I’m only a few hours away from my house and I feel like I’m in a different world, and I can easily access that world if I want to. But you, you’re so far away--

B: I don’t think about it much. And I’m enjoying myself here. With you. [takes her hand] Let’s keep exploring.

W: [eyes turn upward, sees a glimpse of A and B as they pass through one room to another, atop the balcony] There they are.

H: [head whips upward] That is a beautiful man. I’ll say it. I can tell from here.

W: [silent]

H: More beautiful than either of us, wouldn’t you say?

W: Maybe.

H: [Rolling eyes] How did she love you for so long!

W: [looks for the first time with darkness at H] Why don’t you ask her.

H: Maybe I will. [pause] I didn’t know for certain that she loved me until last year. I knew that I loved her much earlier, many months before that--

W: Why don’t we not speak of this.

H: You agreed to come here with me, you must have known talk of this kind was built into such an engagement!

W: It doesn’t have to be, and I hoped it would stay at a minimum.

H: [sighing, but backing off] We don’t always get what we hope for, do we.

[UPSTAIRS, A and B are discussing which walls of art they like the best, and why. They disagree on the first room’s favorite piece but then find they both like the same piece the best in the library]

A: It’s so...stimulating. There’s a deep blue here, with the curling, outstretched arms; they’re searching; and then over here, there’s a deep deep pink in the iris of the eye, and rays of bright light stretching out beyond it, like there’s been some sort of enlightenment.

B: Do you paint?

A: No. I’ve never liked what came off my paint brush. Yourself?

B: [dismissive of himself] A bit. I’m not very good, but I’m passable.

A: Should we go downstairs now, and dance a bit before dinner?

B: I’m already so hungry. But yes, let’s go. I’ll dance my hunger away.

A: [laughs] Yes, that’s how it works. [she takes his arm and they go to the lobby, down the stairs]

H: [sees the two] Look! Here they come! [springs behind the piano] William! Hide yourself, you b*****d!

W: What if I just want her to see me now?

H: [hissing as the couple is midway down the stairs] That’s not what we discussed! Come, you’re a good man, aren’t you??

W: [reluctantly turns and retreats to behind the piano, slides down the wall to sit where H is crouching]

H: You remember what we’re here to do, don’t you?

W: [stares off into space] Yes.

H: [continues] Don’t get sidetracked. Because you know you can’t have her, not when you’re in this state. You’re nothing; you’re hardly physical; you’re a will o’ the wisp. Insubstantial. Me, too.

W: I don’t want all of this...complexity.

H: Nobody does. But you want to see her.

W: [showing vulnerability for the first time, great sadness] And have her.

H: [silent for the first time] Well. Me, too. But life won’t allow it, ours and hers, and we can’t think about that now.

[A: eyes sweep the ballroom as her and B descend; it is as though she is looking for something, but her gaze returns to her and B’s feet as they go down the stairs]

A: Do you know how to dance?

B: [draws her close] But of course.

A: [flushes; they start to mimic a salsa movement, their bodies close together]

W: [looking away] I’m glad I can’t see much behind this piano.

H: See, it was a good choice. [pause] I can’t look away.

W: Different ways of dealing with things.

A: You’re looking very handsome tonight.

B: Just tonight?

A: [shoots him a sly look] Yes, tonight is the very first night I ever thought you handsome. Until now I was making up my mind.

B: Ow, those words flow too easily from your mouth!

A: [laughs; he twirls her] I don’t compliment much; it’s easier for me to jest.

B: Degrade?

A: No, tease!

B: Ah. [draws her close] Perhaps it is too easy to compliment you, for I feel the urge to do it often.

A: Do it as much as you like.

H: He may be handsome, but he is aware of it. He uses it. He’s a bit pompous. He’s dangerous-- emotionally.

W: [silent]

H: Still, did you see how she looked around when she came down the stairs? I know she hasn’t forgotten-- that she INVITED us. [pause] She may try to ignore it; maybe she’s not even entirely aware that she’s done it, but she has, all three of us know it.

MD: Guests, please take your seats-- it is time to feast!

W: I’m hungry.

H: No, you’re not. You can’t be hungry in this state.

W: Well, I feel hungry.

H: I highly doubt you could possibly put food to use, for as I say it’s impossible--

W: You’re extremely irritating sometimes, you know.

H: Better to irritate than to bore.

W: [snorts] That’s what irritating people say.

[B AND A: eating dinner, mingling a bit with other couples but also talking intimately to each other]

B: Do I have anything in my teeth?

A: No, do I?

B: [leans forward, takes his time answering] No.

A: That took you awhile.

B: I thought you might, but you don’t.

[there is a lapse in the conversation; A looks at B, he takes a bite and looks at her]

B: How are you feeling?

A: I’m a bit more... subdued than when I first got here. But I think my excitement will reignite once we’re on the dance floor.

B: You and dancing.

A: To dance is to live. Unfettered.

B: I can agree with that.

A: But you don’t love dancing?

B: I do, sometimes.

A: Is that a love, then?

B: Not every love has to be a great sustained emotion.

A: Some people think that’s what Love is. Capital L. That’s precisely how they define it.

B: That’s rather limiting. What’s the word for loving something sometimes, then?

A: I don’t know. In your vocabulary,, what’s the definition of loving something always?

B: Loving something always.

A: [visibly frustrated] We can talk more about this later. Do you want to do that which you only love sometimes?

B: Certainly.

[They slowly get up out of their chairs and join some people on the dance floor; they seem reluctant at first but once they assume the position of a dance and begin, they are fluid, sexual]

H: I must say they look quite good. [pause] Is this a turn-on to me, only?

W: I’m still not looking.

B: [leans forward to whisper] I want you.

A: [blushing but maintaining composure] In what way, Bhavin? In totality? Or just physically.

B: You know the answer to that.

A: I don’t think I do.

B: [ dips her, and when he brings her up kisses her forehead] I enjoy your company greatly.

A: All of the time, or some of the time?

B: All of the time I am with you, I enjoy you.

[A still does not look satisfied but they dance various songs, until A excuses herself]

A: You may find another lady to dance with, as long as you don’t find her nearly as competent a dancer as I am.

B: How will I know before I dance with her?

A: Observe.

[whisks herself away]

H: Oh! Oh! There she goes. Now’s a chance. For one of us.

W: You’re on your feet already. You go.

H: I don’t need that direction twice.

[He hurries after A as she ascends the stairs to go to the balcony]

A: [on the balcony, takes a deep breath in and lets out a strangled noise of frustration]

H: Abigail?

A: [whirls around] Hughes! Ah-- Where did you come from?

H: What a silly question. You already know the answer.

A: I don’t see you in over a year, and those are the words you have for me?

H: I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say, I suppose. I…[laughs awkwardly]

A: Yes, well, there are plenty of options. [pause] It is good to see you. When did you arrive?

H: ….earlier.

A: How were you entertaining yourself?

H: Easily.

A: [smiles despite herself] Well. I must say you don’t BELONG here, you know. This isn’t the life that I inhabited when you and I…

H: When we were almost lovers?

A: Well, that’s one way to put it. I was going to say when you and I nurtured our...erotic friendship. That’s how I’ve come to think of it. [turns to look out atop balcony; leans on rail] We were so much more than just friends but definitively less than romantic partners: eroticized friends.

H: I like the sound of that.

A: [shoots him a smile] Well. What are we supposed to do.

H: [comes to lean on balcony next to her] I don’t know, enjoy each other’s company.

A: When I’m here with someone else? [pause] Surely that’s not news to you.

H: [laughs with slight bitterness] No, no, it’s not news. I saw you two before...dancing and such.

A: [brings hands to mouth] Oh no, you didn’t see when we--

H: [exclaims] When you WHAT?

A: Oh...no...no...never mind.

H: Did you…

A: No! Not in here.

[awkward silence between the both of them]

A: We’re so strange together right now. It’s not like how things were.

H: Not right now, no. But not irrevocably.

A: Well, I hope not, but Hughes, I really don’t know. I feel so different now, I feel that you never really knew me. Not the me I am now, more fully realized.

H: Abigail, I do know you. How can you say I don’t? I know the essence of you better than almost anyone.

A: Well perhaps you don’t know how I am in practice, now, and how that might in fact loop back to change what my very essence is. I’m not so introverted, anymore: not so close-speaking. I don’t wait for affirmation as I did previously-- and how you gave me so much of that.

H: I couldn't help it. I told you how I felt--

A: Ah, see, the past tense.

[they are both silent]

A: If I invited you...as you suggest...I surely don’t know why.

H: Yes you do. You’re reckoning with all of this. With us.

A: And this is helping?

H: Well, maybe not. But our minds don’t always aim to or end up helping us, wouldn’t you agree?

A: [sighing] Sadly, emphatically.

[silence]

A: Hughes, I think I’ve been gone too long. Bhavin will be looking for me.

H: [dryly] Will he?

A: [smacks him in the arm with the back of her hand] Yes, he will.

And you! What do you have to offer me?

H [sadly] I just accepted the invitation. I hadn’t thought further.

A: Well now this can go no further. It’s out of our hands. I don’t believe in fate but you cannot deny causality, and the progression of time. What was once cannot always be.

H: Some would say it can if you make it so.

A: I used to think so, too. But now unfortunately I believe otherwise.

[twists her fingers anxiously; they stand a few feet apart]

H: Have I been dismissed?

A: I can’t tell you when to leave.

H: Oh, but you can.

A: [turns away] Leave soon, then. [hesitates before she departs from the balcony; turns back and goes to a dejected Hughes, her face pained]

A: At our highest heights I did love you.

H: And you know how I--

A: Yes.

[She leans up slightly to kiss him gently on the cheek; she stumbles slightly forward as she makes contact with air only,  but does not comment after this surprise; instead, recovers]

A: Don’t forget, leave soon. I can’t bear to think of you standing up here alone. [exits]

[DOWNSTAIRS]

[H approaches W slowly]

H: I’ve talked to her. I’m leaving now.

W: All right.

H: You don’t want to know how it went?

W: Not really. [pause] If it went well, that means she wants you. If it went poorly, that might mean she wants-- Bhavin.

H: [angrily] You know we’re not here so she can choose between us! Whatever the purpose of this is, that isn’t it! She couldn’t choose between us in our physical forms, in the past. What makes you think she’ll make a decision now, as we are now, in our watered-down states, when we’ve traveled very far to come to a single event that will soon be over, and we are not due to see her again for a very, very long--

W: I don’t need you to act out your anger out on me. I didn’t want to come here with you. I only care about her, all right? I don’t care about you, or you and her, or her and him. You can’t blame me for entertaining the possibility of HER, only.

H: [quietly] I understand. I just-- I’m leaving. I hope everything ends up all right for you.

W: You too.

[They exchange a brief and unreadable look]

H: [departs]

A: [looks across the floor to see B dancing with another lady; he makes eye contact with A and smiles gaily]

B: [across the floor] I promised the lady another dance! Do you mind?

A: [forced] No, not at all. I’ll snack on something. [turns and goes toward the kitchen; W, having watched this, follows her]

[Woman from one of the dancing pairs  is in there, eating grapes]

Wo: Are you here with that Indian boy, my dear?

A: [slightly bitterly] Yes.

Wo: My, my, my, he is a beauty. How long have you known him for?

A: Three months or so.

Wo: Mm, long enough to have a hint of what’s to come, no? Tell me-- what is to become of you two?

A: [irritatedly] I haven’t the slightest idea.

Wo: Mm, mm. [leans back with slight disappointment but also empathy] I understand that predicament.

A: [remains silent; troubled look on her face]

Wo: My dear, there are always others. They will be different but such is life: each day is a composition of differences. And if not him-- well, another. Don’t lose heart.

[pats A on the arm as she exits the kitchen; A is emotionally distressed]

[W, hanging in the doorway, steps back as the woman exits; she knocks into him and he quickly steps back but she cannot feel or see him at all]

[After a minute or two of mostly regaining her composure, A turns around to see W in the doorway]

A: [smiles, only slightly surprised] William. I had a creeping suspicion you  would be here, too.

W:  [pause] I’ve missed you.

A: [pause]  I’ve missed you too. I don’t think I realize how much until I actually see you.

[they look at each other; A takes a step or two forward]

A: How have you been?

W: I’ve been well, considering.

A: That’s good.

W: You?

A: I’ve been doing well. Things are very different.

W: I can imagine. [ W steps forward as well]

W: [with difficulty] I just wanted to say that-- I know when we were together that-- I-- didn’t express myself hardly at all, and I didn’t tell you how-- how I felt frequently enough. And-- you deserve to know that you are-- loved-- all of the time.

A: [fighting back tears] William... why would you say that?

W: I needed to say it. I’ve been thinking it so much that I know it needed to be said. It should’ve been said years ago -- and I’m sorry that I’m making you sad--

A: It’s not you, it’s just-- it’s just the way life unfolds. It’s all crinkled. I can’t smooth it out.

W: [smiling slightly] I’ve never thought about life as a crinkly piece of paper.

A: [choke-laughing] Me neither, till just now. But it’s fitting, don’t you think?

W: It is.

A: [pause; audience gets the sense she’s said this before but it’s genuine] WIlliam, what do we do? No one tells us what we should do, never mind ourselves. I never know what I SHOULD do, what is BEST...

W: I don’t know. Abigail, I just wanted to see you.

A: [weeping] Why is there so much sadness, so much loss in this world.

W: [approaches her, hugs her; she does not mention she cannot feel it, that it is insubstantial] Don’t think about that right now.

A: How can I not, when it’s playing itself out right in front of me? I ache.

W: [pause] You know I came with Hughes.

A: [quietly] I wasn’t sure. But I talked with him.

W: So this isn’t all about me.

A: [silence]

W: But, Abigail, I love you.

A: [tears sliding down her face]

W: I love you, and-- I know you care about Hughes, and that other man, you might even love them, but I just want to know if--

B: Abigail? [stands in the doorway] Are you all right? [looks right through William]

A: Bhavin! Yes, yes, I’m all right-- I’m just a little sad-- I’ve heard about-- a death-- of an old friend of mine. I’m just-- Can you-- leave me for a few more minutes?

B: [seems only mildly concerned] All right, if that’s what you want. I’ll be in the ballroom. [exits after a brief pause]

A: [seems flustered by Bhavin’s lack of caring; speaking to William] I-- I’m sorry.

W: For what?

A: The pain you feel. The sadness you feel.

W: It’s not your fault.

A: But it’s because of me.

W: I’m letting you make me feel this way.

A: William, I--

[pause; gains composure]

A: I do love you, still.

W: [holds his breath]

A: But what’s to be done about it, William? Nothing; absolutely nothing.

W: Do you love him? [jerks chin toward doorway]

A: [looks almost wistfully out the door; after a heavy pause] --I don’t.

W: Abigail, if we still love each other, that means--

A: That means precisely what it sounds like! Our love for one another endures-- and but what? You live hundreds of miles from me; and you were not always good to me; and I am different now, and you are sad, and clinging; and you might think I’m being altogether too blunt but William, what is the end to this? What is the end to the means of our love?

W: Being together.

A: [weeping] We cannot be. We cannot be.

W: [silence]

A: [wipes away tears] It hurts to say this, William, you don’t know how much it hurts.

W: [turns away]

A: William, wait!

W: [bitterly] What exactly am I waiting for? Not for you. [halts nonetheless]

A: [crying harder now] I wish I could kiss you.

W: You know what I wish for.

A: Can we try? [pause] To kiss?

W: [steps forward]

A: [steps forward]

[They look longingly at each other and he bends down, she stands on her tip-toes, and then she falls forward, falling past the vaporous form of his lips, falling on top of the rest of his vaporous body, hitting the floor with speed and a loud thump.

A [stunned, on the floor by herself]

B: [enters upon hearing the noise] Oh, my God! Are you all right? [rushes to help her up]

A: Yes, yes, I’m sorry. I’ve just been dislodged-- physically and emotionally--

B: You don’t have to explain. Would you like to leave?

A: [seems distant]  I think so.

B: Did you have fun, at least?

A: With you I did. Earlier. Before all of this.

B: Who was the person who passed, if you don’t mind my asking? You said an old friend?

A: Yes, he and another. From an uninhabitable place.

B: [hesitantly, jokingly] Up north?

A: [quietly; seriously] As a matter of fact, yes.

B: Ah. My condolences. [pause] And what an effect they seem to have had on you.

A: Yes, well, I was caught in remembrances of them: and when you’re able to temporarily possess what you have lost it makes the pain of losing feel afresh and unfortunately very present, and enduring.

B: I regret I couldn’t distract you enough from all of this.

A: Nonsense; that’s not your job. [pause] Besides, I desired to remember them, for a little while.

B: I see. Well, it’s getting late; I’m sure you’ll feel better after you sleep tonight.

A: And this night is over.

B: And this night is over. [kisses her nose as they head for the ballroom and the doorway]] Remember-- there is always another dance.

A [wilting and fatigued, but looks at the ceiling and all around]:

That is a beautiful thing to say. Simply beautiful.

[Together they walk out, a minimal amount of space in between them.]