6. Chrissy is Concerned!

6. Chrissy is Concerned!

A Chapter by Craig2591
"

Chrissy finally found a guy she likes and now she might lose him!

"

Chrissy parked her motorcycle behind Ian's car outside his studio. She hadn't planned to stop by that evening, but she really enjoyed the peace and quiet that his studio offered her. It was so nice to read or surf the internet without listening to her neighbors arguing or the idiot across the hall from her playing his stereo loud every night. And she enjoyed spending time with Ian, too. He was usually so busy painting or drawing that he barely spoke to her. He just let her be there. And that was fine with her. She really appreciated that!


She kind of liked him. He was a bit strange, but hey, who was she to judge? He was easy going and undemanding. He didn't bug her with stupid questions about her day. He respected her privacy. If she didn't want to talk, he didn't push it. Yet, he listened intently whenever she did have something to say. He didn't offer advice unless she asked for it. It was so nice to have someone who just listened quietly without comment. All the men she had been with before had been total jerks! Was Ian different because he was older? No, she decided, she had met older guys who were jerks, too. He was just a nice guy. On top of all those things, he was good looking. And when it came to sex, well, it was obvious he wasn't only wrapped up in his own pleasure!


She sighed. Sooner or later he would turn into an a*****e! They always did!


It was mid-November. She saw her breath in the evening air. Pretty soon it would be too cold for her motorcycle. The nearest bus stop was two and a half blocks away. She didn't know what she would do once winter came. She hated the thought of not being able to come by until spring again. She sighed and opened the door.


She entered and found him lying on his side on the old sofa with the blanket over him. He didn't look well. “Are you okay?” she asked.


“Yeah,” he answered, “It's just a touch of indigestion.” His voice sounded a little strained and his breathing was a tad heavy.


“Again? You had that yesterday. You shouldn't have a stomachache for two days. You should see a doctor.”


“I'll be okay.”


“Why did you come here instead of going home?”


“I really need to work on that painting. I have a show in a couple of months. I thought I would feel better after awhile. It's probably just something I ate.”


“Exactly! It could be salmonella or listeria or even botulism! Those things can kill you.”


“I'll be alright. I just need to lie here for awhile. Then I'll go home.” He had a pained expression on his face.


“You don't look alright,” she said, “This is more than just indigestion.”


“Since when are you a doctor?”


“I'm not. And neither are you! That's why you need to go see one!”


“His office is closed for the day.” He grimaced a little and grabbed his stomach. He was obviously in some pain.


“There's a walk-in clinic on Anderson. I'll go with you if you want.” She was getting concerned. Why were men so stubborn about going to the doctor?


“I'm not going to one of those places and fill out a ton of paperwork and then sit there for an hour until some stranger comes in and pokes and prods me! I promise I'll call the doctor first thing in the morning if I don't feel any better by then.” He sat up with an effort, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He just sat there for a while as if gathering the strength to stand.  “Get me the waste basket - quick!” he said suddenly.  She grabbed the waste basket and handed it to him just in time for him to vomit into it. She went to the bathroom and came back with a wet towel for him to wipe his face with when he was done.


“Thanks,” he panted.


“How many times have you done that today?” she asked sternly.


“Three.”


“And you worked?!


He nodded.


“Come on,” she ordered, “I'm taking you to that clinic. Where's your keys?”


He was too sick to argue anymore. He reached into his pocket and handed his keys to her. Then he stood up with great effort, his hand on his stomach. He started to stagger and she reached out and grabbed his arm to steady him.


“What the hell, Ian! You're burning up!” she said as she touched his wrist. She felt his forehead. “I'm not taking you to the clinic, I'm taking you to the hospital!”


“I think... maybe... you better,” he said, almost doubled over in pain.


They started toward the door, but only took a few steps before he collapsed to the floor. Chrissy knelt down to help him back up. “Come on, Ian, help me out here!” she said with growing alarm, “I can't carry you!”


“I don't... think... I can,” he said with an effort.


She took out her phone and called 911.



© 2012 Craig2591


Author's Note

Craig2591
9-1-1 is the universal phone number for emergencies in the U.S.

My Review

Would you like to review this Chapter?
Login | Register




Featured Review

This chapter really seemed to bring the characters a bit closer together in a more realistic way. As with the rest of the 'new line' of the book, it was really well written. I did wonder though, If the "All of a sudden, he said" was necessary, it seemed a little redundant with the phrase following it seeming so urgent already. Perhaps moving the suddenly to after the phrase might make the sentence a bit tighter. But really it didn't disrupt the flow of the story. Excellent and as always.. I can't wait for whats next.

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I'm curious why you chose to switch perspectives. Given the content, I understand that Chrissy's POV is more interesting in this chapter, but being inside her head ruined a lot of the mystery and quiet, dry presence she brought to the story for me. I worry that knowing how she thinks will make her more predictable, when one of her more charming traits so far is that she isn't.

There are a few odd exclamations afoot, and some of the dialogue felt weird given Ian's pains. I wouldn't expect someone to say out "waste basket," specifically. Other than that, another great piece.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Craig2591

10 Years Ago

Thank you for continuing to read and review.
I loved this! Even though this was the only chapter I read, it felt like I had read the whole book already! You put a lot of detail, and it brought out emotion! BRILLIANT JOB!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Craig2591

11 Years Ago

Thank you very much. I have been trying to write each chapter like it's a short story so that you c.. read more
I loved that this chapter gave us more of a look into Chrissy and what she is thinking. I really like that she showed concern for Ian and now we know she's not so nonchalant about his existence and it's actually a lot deeper than that. Great chapter!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Craig2591

11 Years Ago

Thanks for reading and reviewing. You'll soon see that she shows her concern in a strange way somet.. read more
[send message][befriend] Subscribe
E
So far I've really enjoyed your book, I've read it up to here while at work. I find it intriguin and am wondering where it will lead.
The only thing I do not like is I find you use ! a bit too much. But the rest is brilliant :)
Keep it up!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Craig2591

11 Years Ago

Thank you. Keep reading and you will find out that Chrissy is from Montreal.
This is a way of knowing what is going on in her mind, even to think of her future there. She's had her share of hard knocks. Glad her instinct turned on full when he most definitely needs her help. Someone who will call 911 and be there for you means a lot more.
Great job!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is a situation I think that will either bring them closer together or push them further apart. I'm really enjoying your story.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I thought the "All of a sudden..." part was a bit clumsy, too. Thanks for the suggestion.

Posted 11 Years Ago


This chapter really seemed to bring the characters a bit closer together in a more realistic way. As with the rest of the 'new line' of the book, it was really well written. I did wonder though, If the "All of a sudden, he said" was necessary, it seemed a little redundant with the phrase following it seeming so urgent already. Perhaps moving the suddenly to after the phrase might make the sentence a bit tighter. But really it didn't disrupt the flow of the story. Excellent and as always.. I can't wait for whats next.

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.


Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

799 Views
8 Reviews
Rating
Added on June 6, 2012
Last Updated on June 7, 2012
Tags: love, romance, drama


Author

Craig2591
Craig2591

OH



About
I am a visual artist with no formal training in creative writing. I get stories knocking around my head and sometimes I write them down. I decided to join this site to share them with other writers .. more..

Writing
Challenges Challenges

A Story by Craig2591



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


2.  B++b Job? 2. B++b Job?

A Chapter by Craig2591