The Ascetic Hedonist

I intended this to be a satire on religious hypocrisy. But I welcome all opinions. There is no wrong interpretation.

The Ascetic Hedonist

 

Enter the room and you're breathing a fistful of toxic polluted air;

Pure but corrupted, it's dead but alive with the scent of unanswered prayers.

Fearful and rustic, the priest looks above and produces a vacant stare;

Grabbing his brandy and bottle of rum, he retreats to his secret lair.

 

Reading his scripture from cover to cover, he kisses it with a frown;

Picks up his bottles of brandy and rum and delights as the sun floats down.

Lost in the stupour of liquourous dreams, he then longs for a girl from town

Chosen ascetic and practicing hedonist - pauper with kingly crown.

 

Morning and moaning elope and they find him still cowering in his dread;

Life is his burden to carry unnoticed while neither alive nor dead.

 

Author's Note

This poem is written in dactylic hexameter. Please alert me to any awkward points in scansion if you find any. Thank you.

Reviews

[Mockingbird]

if there's one thing i can't tolerate is hypocrisy, especially from members of the 'clergy' or religious figures we look up to, and in my religion, we ask forgiveness for our sins. this is a great depiction of that. if they feel torn then they have no business being in their position. great poem. i value content over form. i find sticking to some formula tedious. however, your poem fit what you were going for and i wouldn't change a thing.

[Bourbon Key]

I read it again and you're right.......I was reading it as hedonistic....too many vodkas.

Maybe I'll put some beats to it.

Nice poem.

[Hayley]

I really am impressed with this. I, as well, have been contemplating hypocrisy for a while now, so this really hits home. The rhythm is perfectly placed as are the rhymes, so awkward wording. I love the last couplet- while hypocrisy is frowned upon, we all have our weaknesses and our outlets, our coping mechanisms. It almost makes me feel sorry for this priest, as he isn't finding his true purpose in life.
Well, well, done!

[Bourbon Key]

I read it out loud . It flows nicely except for the word hedonist, ironically.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vo2YOofw1_M&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Content is sufficiently cynicAl for my taste too. Bravo

[Tate Morgan]

Reading his scripture from cover to cover, he kisses it with a frown;

Picks up his bottles of brandy and rum and delights as the sun floats down.
Now this is the truth as i see it We human beings are all afraid of what might be true Unlike the animals we can see what might happen and fear what has not happened.But we also lament what has been

[MOON]

Good write love the subject not well versed with the techanicalities.

[Gurdeep...The Lost]

nice..explains condition of today's priests....)

[Bourbon Key]

Hi Abdul Aziz from Chennai, this looks promising. I'll have a read and revert in good time. If I were really ambitious I'd develop a "poem metric" to measure the distance a poem is to a given form (zero distance being the objective).