Chapter One: Prison Break

Chapter One: Prison Break

A Chapter by Simple Writer Named Justin

Every chapter I'm going to post a saying i like, or metaphor. whatever. Don't judge a book by it's cover.

         "So how much longer do you plan on staying in this rat hole?"
My sword asked as I leaned back on my chair and relaxed. "I until i feel bored with this place." I replied.
          I heard the dungeon door open and I see two drunken guards carry in a girl with a black dress and black hair with pale white skin, a relatively beautiful girl, probably a maid trying to steal a dress, probably that dress, except it didn't look special or pricey, just a common girls dress. "Come on, you know the laws, no witchcraft allowed, now get in there." the guard shoved her hard into the cell across from me, and she landed on the floor hard and turned back to give the guard a look of hatred, but he was already walking away, leaving me and her in the dungeon.

          "She looks hurt, you gonna say something?" Creed said after a moment. I could hear her silent sniffles and sobs, she must have hurt her hands on the stone floor when she landed. "Fine, ill bring her with me while we escape, sound good?" "why are you asking me? I'm just a sword." creed replied snidely.
          After letting out a breath, i sat the chair down, stood up and pulled creed from under my cloak and unsheathed the enchanted sword. "show time." i mumble as i aim the tip and the cell doors lock and stab it once, slicing it in half like butter and letting it drop to the floor with a *thud*. after opening the cell door, i went over to her cell and sliced the doors hinges and watch it door to the floor loudly. "Ready to go?"
          The stone floor was freezing to the touch, and my left arm burned with pain, probably broken from the impact, and here stood a stranger I've never met, offering me freedom, like it was a simple yes or no question. "Y-yes, i am." was all i said, he turned towards the door, sheathed the strangely shaped sword, and began walking towards the wooden door. I think I'm suppost to follow him, and i did. he was slightly taller then me with long blond hair tied in a ponytail
and from the look of his figure from under the cloak, he was wearing some sort of armor, maybe a royal guards armor, and he looked sixteen, maybe seventeen. my age.
           "Where are we going?" I wasn't feeling safe with him, but he just saved me from being crucified for witchcraft, so i was better off with him then alone, for now. " I'm heading for Frost Bay, but if your accompanying me, then you'll need better equipment then a dress and your bare hands, so first is central city market." He walked quickly, and the wind wiped his cloak up for a second and i saw his armor. the armor of the King's royal guard.

© 2013 Simple Writer Named Justin

Author's Note

Simple Writer Named Justin
hopefully its a good start, enjoy.

My Review

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SInce you asked for people to point out when you didn't use past tense here you go:
3rd line: "I heard the dungeon door open and I SEE two drunken guards carry in a girl" just change this to: "I heard the dungeon door open and SAW two drunken guards carry in a girl"

As with all stories there's a few grammatical errors here and there, just make sure to work on that and you should be all good :) Apart from that though I like the storyline, seems like it could go in a very interesting direction. And if you ever want anyone to bounce ideas for your story off then I'm your guy :) also if you want help editing than depending on what mood I'm in I'd be glad to help :)

Posted 8 Years Ago

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Added on November 4, 2013
Last Updated on November 4, 2013
Tags: Adventure, fantacy, fiction


Simple Writer Named Justin
Simple Writer Named Justin


Just your average teenager looking for a nice hobby besides mind rotting tv, pointless video games, and girls. reading and writing ant typing are more useful. more..