2am thoughts

this is me making an attempt at writing poetry

my head is a very busy place

there are things here that i like

like the good memories that i made with my favourite people

but there are also things

that i could do without

like anxiety

which takes every little mistake i make and amplifies it by 100 so everything seems a lot worse that in already is

i can hear its chatter above everything else in my head

causing me to overthink things to the point where all i want to do is go home and forget about it

even if i really want to do things

i cant

when im in school

the anxiety drowns out everything else going on inside there

it becomes me and everything i say everything i learn

its loud enough to make me put down my pen and just rest my head on the edge of the desk and just pray that i am home or safe in someones arms

but i do not have anyones arms to be in

because of what anxiety says to me

how nobody really likes me, and how im annoying them

they dont need me, im unimportant

there is always someone better than me.

in public is no better

and anxiety screams at me when i walk down the sidewalk

or i sit on the bus

it says, everyones judging you. they probably all think youre ridiculous

it keeps yelling at me to the point where i get scared to press the stop button on the bus

or to cross the road

and im often taking long cuts to get to my destination because anxiety thinks its better for me.

and at first, when it was new in my head

i didnt listen.

and i could continue to do the things i loved without fear

but now

years later

i have no choice to listen,

everything i do now is controlled by anxiety

and its been so long, that i dont even know who i would be without this illness wrapped around my mind.

Author's Note

please forgive me for the jumbled style, i was meaning to make it like that style, kind of to represent what its like in my head.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I liked the poem. Had the feel of real life and struggle.
"i have no choice to listen,
everything i do now is controlled by anxiety
and its been so long, that i dont even know who i would be without this illness wrapped around my mind."
I liked the story and how you led to the strong ending. Learning to use something to survive. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Zoomout]

I love your night thoughts , they are real

[Perkele.7885]

Addison, Addison; you got a lot going on for such a young person!
Anxiety, I know about anxiety but, as important an issue as it is for you in your life, we won't be able to deal with it here. But, we can help you get comfortable and feel positive about your poetry.
There are different kinds of or methods of poetry. What you are doing here is known as free verse. This is my favorite method.
You need to start by organizing your thoughts like when you are doing a book report or you are perhaps planning to do a speech.
When you have a plan for your poem laid out before you, try to put it into a cohesive form so that your reader will get the message that you are trying to convey in your poem.
There is a lot to writing poetry! First, Addison, enjoy yourself as you are writing! We want to read what you have to say. Leave your anxiety behind. Everybody here will help you if you ask for it! Good fortune Addison!