True lie

Riding on a boat singing on the edge
Biking in a road racing for the rage
Bope qualsiasi cosa they say
But are they alive like they insane?
Thy shall rise and shine
Thy shall walk and grime
Whispers you hear them
Screams you feel then
Too late darling
They thy charming
They thy larking
They thy arming
They thy roaring
Thy thy thy
 Now It's you and your lie

Reviews

[H L Rose]

I'm a beginner so I don't know how much help I'll be, but I'll try!

I think the diverse use of language throughout the whole poem is cool.

“Riding on a boat singing on the edge
Biking in a road racing for the rage”
I like the parallelism here(if I'm using that term right), and all the near rhymes and the vowel sounds in “boat” and “road”. It's jam packed with technique, I'm a fan.

“Bope qualsiasi cosa they say”
I don't know this reference. It's an Italian thing, right?

“But are they alive like they insane?”
I like this use of language with “like they insane” because it conflicts with the more pretentious language in the rest of the poem with “thy,”, and I think all the different usages of language is interesting.

“Thy shall rise and shine
Thy shall walk and grime
Whispers you hear them
Screams you feel then
Too late darling”
I feel like you're really good at those near rhymes. It seems like “darling” is suppose to be a near rhyme to “then”, no? If that's the case then maybe put “darlin'” but I could totally be wrong about that.

“They thy charming
They thy larking
They thy arming
They thy roaring
Thy thy thy”
I like the repetition of “thy” and think it's interesting. I don't completely understand it's significance, but I 'm pretty sure that has more to do with my ability to analyze than the poem.

“Now It's you and your lie”
Cool, sucker punch ending!

I really enjoyed analyzing this! I would say maybe use more punctuation, but I don't think it's lack made it any more difficult to read, so I guess it's not important. I think the whole poem's fantastic!

[Panteha]

Hi guys hope you like my poems I'm only a beginner but I would appreciate it if you write me your opinions.