THAT GIRL

I see a girl who is only fourteen

Have you ever wondered where her smiles have been?

Did you ask why she bleeds tears?

Can't you see she is drowning with fears

Every day she wakes up her dreams die

You called her a liar 

Never asked why she had to make up lies

I face her every day

She wishes to die

How can I see which no one else can see

Only cause that girl is me

Reviews

[Pencrafter]

Your poem is emotional and touching, conveying the fears and uncertainty of growing up. The only thing I might suggest (and it's no big deal, really) is to alter slightly the last two lines. They might read 'How can I see what no one else can see. Only because that girl is me.' Or not. It's a fine poem.

[writingurl14]

this is super deep! I really like the way you tell a story without telling everything at once. Great job!

[CHRIS ANDES]

wow what a reflection to make
it's really deep
=]

[Celestial Witch Child]

Great emotion in this piece. And you can always message me if you need to vent or something. I've been there before.

[afra]

awww thanks you so much ...it means a lot to me

[Celestial Witch Child]

(: I'm glad.

[Shay]

So many emotions and I like it alot, very touching and enjoyable

[~Sara~]

This is a good piece. I liked how you explained the girl as someone else, but it turned out to be you in the end. It was an awesome illusion.

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

This is a heartbreaking piece about sadness in and of teenage years. They can be such a living Hell, it's amazing any of us make it through...and sadly, many don't. Your honesty comes through here and makes the reader want to tell you to hold on, hold on, hold on.

Just a couple of suggestions, if you want to consider them:
I agree with Ceri "never asked why she lied" or "never asked why she lies" would keep the rhythm flowing a bit more smoothly. I stumbled a bit there.
I also agree with Pencrafter about the last line.

Good job with or without changes.

[Debbie_Philly]

So powerful , raw and full of emotions.... very sad... makes me want to hug you :)

[afra]

awww thanks

[Owlgirl]

Intense, powerful, and beatiful. This is touching and sad, and very melodic and gorgous. Lovely poem.

[Ceri]

"Never asked why she had to make up lies" I would suggest changing this to something like "Never asked why she lied", something slightly shorter than the original. An interesting twist at the end! Good work.

[Arik]

A very sad and lonely piece, makes me reflect on how I've treated others in the past.