THAT GIRL

THAT GIRL

A Poem by afra

I see a girl who is only fourteen

Have you ever wondered where her smiles have been?

Did you ask why she bleeds tears?

Can't you see she is drowning with fears

Every day she wakes up her dreams die

You called her a liar 

Never asked why she had to make up lies

I face her every day

She wishes to die

How can I see which no one else can see

Only cause that girl is me

© 2012 afra


Advertise Here
Want to advertise here? Get started for as little as $5

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

Your poem is emotional and touching, conveying the fears and uncertainty of growing up. The only thing I might suggest (and it's no big deal, really) is to alter slightly the last two lines. They might read 'How can I see what no one else can see. Only because that girl is me.' Or not. It's a fine poem.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

this is super deep! I really like the way you tell a story without telling everything at once. Great job!

Posted 7 Years Ago


wow what a reflection to make
it's really deep
=]

Posted 8 Years Ago


Great emotion in this piece. And you can always message me if you need to vent or something. I've been there before.

Posted 8 Years Ago


afra

8 Years Ago

awww thanks you so much ...it means a lot to me
Celestial Witch Child

8 Years Ago

(: I'm glad.
So many emotions and I like it alot, very touching and enjoyable

Posted 8 Years Ago


This is a good piece. I liked how you explained the girl as someone else, but it turned out to be you in the end. It was an awesome illusion.

Posted 8 Years Ago


This is a heartbreaking piece about sadness in and of teenage years. They can be such a living Hell, it's amazing any of us make it through...and sadly, many don't. Your honesty comes through here and makes the reader want to tell you to hold on, hold on, hold on.

Just a couple of suggestions, if you want to consider them:
I agree with Ceri "never asked why she lied" or "never asked why she lies" would keep the rhythm flowing a bit more smoothly. I stumbled a bit there.
I also agree with Pencrafter about the last line.

Good job with or without changes.

Posted 8 Years Ago


So powerful , raw and full of emotions.... very sad... makes me want to hug you :)

Posted 8 Years Ago


afra

8 Years Ago

awww thanks
Intense, powerful, and beatiful. This is touching and sad, and very melodic and gorgous. Lovely poem.

Posted 8 Years Ago


"Never asked why she had to make up lies" I would suggest changing this to something like "Never asked why she lied", something slightly shorter than the original. An interesting twist at the end! Good work.

Posted 8 Years Ago


A very sad and lonely piece, makes me reflect on how I've treated others in the past.

Posted 8 Years Ago



First Page first
Previous Page prev
1
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

1220 Views
58 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 3 Libraries
Added on June 19, 2012
Last Updated on July 11, 2012

Author

afra
afra

Toronto, Mississauga, Canada



About
more..

Writing

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


EVERYBODY HURTS EVERYBODY HURTS

A Poem by afra


RIP RIP

A Poem by afra