The fellowship, the bat and the chosen one

1071 words. This was so much fun to write. It's stupid but I'm proud of it. Just to see what happens I think I'll admit it to my English teacher next year.

Between the rugged but kind mountains of Middle Earth rambled six beings: Aragorn, a man, Legolas, an elf, Gimli, a dwarf and Sam, Merry and Pippen, hobbits. The hobbits were capering as they strolled along, playfully splashing in the tiny stream thinly slicing the valley, while Legolas was constantly taking out his hand mirror to observe and admire his beautiful face and streaming, golden hair. Unlikely pairings, indeed, but eternally bound by a strange and wonderful friendship. 

  Scudding clouds coated the sky and just below their surfaces flew five giant eagles, unable to repress their triumphant ‘caw’s as they soared through the air.

  ‘Haven’t seen them in a while,’ Gimli remarked, peering up at the eagles.

  ‘I think they get lonely, nowadays,’ Pippen proposed.

  As they marched through the interlocking spurs and jumped over the serpentine streams, they talked and reminisced over life in the past and present.

  ‘I really enjoy our biannual reunions,’ Aragorn said with his charming smile blooming on his face.

  ‘It’s a shame the others can’t be here,’ Sam said. ‘I wonder what Frodo and Bilbo are up to, now.’

  ‘Off on an incomprehensible whirlwind of an adventure at sea, obviously!’ Merry claimed as he frolicked over the lapping water.

  ‘Either that or Bilbo is perpetually getting seasick,’ Legolas sassily surmised.

  ‘But... would Bilbo have died by now?’ Pippen proposed with a streak of worry on his face. ‘It’s just... without the ring he couldn’t possibly last long, surely?’

  ‘Blast it!’ Gimli cursed. ‘I knew we should have kept that thing all along!’

  ‘Can we please get inside already?’ Legolas impatiently pleaded as he tried to fix his blowing hair in his hand mirror. ‘The wind is messing up my braids!’

  ‘Hold on,’ Aragorn said, stifling everyone’s footing. ‘What on earth is that?’

  At the top of the hill which made up the valley stood, what appeared to be, a giant bat. He had pointy ears and an aquiline nose and wore a black cape which wavered like an aspen in the wind. He was sternly poised next to a black motorbike, oppressing everyone with his brooding. He leaped onto his bike and revved it before skidding down the curved valley wall, dispelling brown dust into the air behind him. When he reached the ground the billows of dust were all that could be seen, until he confidently strutted out from them shortly after.

  The beaming hobbits were flooded in thrill and quickly started to clap their hands in enthusiasm.

  ‘That was amazing!’ Pippen said, gaping.

  ‘Never seen anything like that!’ Merry told him with awe fluttering inside him.

  ‘O-kay...’ the bat replied. He had a hoarse voice that demanded attention and struck fear into the hearts of foes. ‘I’m looking for the Joker.’ He said that last word with a raw note of indignation.

  ‘We have a village idiot if that’s what you’re looking for,’ Merry suggested.

  ‘Do you have a sore throat or something?’ Sam asked. ‘Sounds like you’ve been smoking a bit too much kingsfoil, my lad.’

  ‘That’s none of your business!’ said the bat with a chilling intonation at the beginning of his sentence. It appeared that whenever he was angry he would fiercely raise his voice in fury at the start of his sentence.

  ‘Hold on,’ Pippen said with a sudden tone of realisation. ‘Are you one of the four legendary and sacred bats of Gondor?!’

  Sam and Merry gasped in astonishment. ‘It is you, isn’t it?!’ Merry cried.

  ‘Minstrels have written songs about you!’ Sam told him.

  ‘(Jeez, I shouldn’t have drunk so much last night...)’ the bat muttered to himself in confusion.

  ‘That is no sacred bat,’ Aragorn said with a steel glare at the bat. ‘That is a suit you are dressed in.’

  ‘I know. It’s pretty sweet, right?’ the bat said with a proud smirk.

  ‘Imposter!’ Gimli yelled. ‘That’s an orc under there, isn’t it?!’

   ‘Reveal yourself, beastly coward,’ Legolas sneered as he drew his bow.

  The bat lost his tense composure and sheepishly put up his hands.

  ‘Whoa, dude, chill! Heh heh...’ he said with an embarrassed and nervous smile. ‘(I knew I should have made this suit arrow-proof),’ he ruefully whispered.

  Suddenly, a teenage boy with round glasses and black hair came dashing into the valley, abruptly pausing the commotion between the group and the bat by causing, well, even more commotion.

  ‘HE’S BACK! HE’S BACK!’ the boy cried frantically.

  ‘And who are you?’ Aragorn said, drawing his sword at the boy.

  ‘HE’S BACK! HE’S BACK!’ the boy shouted, blatantly ignoring Aragorn.

  ‘Calm down four-eyes, who’s back?’ the bat impatiently asked.

  ‘LORD VOLDEMORT!’ he screamed as he gestured behind him at a bald, cloaked man of ugly pallor.

  ‘Ah-ha-ha!’ Voldemort demonically cackled. ‘I am the dark lord and the future dominator of the world!’

  ‘Are you one of those ugly, white orcs?’ Gimli enquired.

  ‘What happened to your nose, dude?’ the bat asked.

  Before Voldemort could answer any questions, the group heard a voice bellowing from on top of the valley hill: ‘Hey guys! Hey!’

  ‘Aw crap,’ Gimley sighed.

  ‘Will he ever stop plaguing us?’ Aragorn groaned, covering his eyes.

  ‘Who is it?’ Harry asked.

  ‘Saruman,’ Merry sighed.

  A long and white haired man cheerfully waving a tall staff came running down the hill.

  ‘Why don’t you just tell him you don’t want to be friends?’ the bat asked.

  ‘We wish it was that easy,’ Sam sighed.

  ‘We should have killed him off while we had the chance,’ Legolas said. ‘Run!’

  With that, everyone raced away from the lonely Saruman, except for Voldemort. Saruman slowed down his sprint upon reaching Voldemort, panting in defeat.

  ‘They always run away,’ the forlorn Saruman said. ‘I just want to be their friends. Who are you?’

  ‘I am Voldemort, the Dark Lord, the most powerful wizard of all.’

  ‘Blast it, really? I thought since Gandalf left that I was the most powerful wizard.’

  ‘Oh no �" I have seven souls, therefore only I can live forever.’

  ‘Seriously? I could have lived forever if only I got that darn ring.’

  ‘Ring? What ring?’

  ‘I can tell you more about it back at my tower, if you wanted. I play a mean heavy metal song,’ Saruman offered.

  ‘So be it!’ Voldemort agreed.

  With that, yet another unlikely pair took off. And so, Aslan the lion, who secretly watched over it all, said: ‘I wouldn’t like to go to that party. Weirdos’ and left.