Farewell My Love

Chapter 1

She raised her hand and rubbed her eyes together, groaning as her eyes opened to witness what all 

the commotion and noise was about. Sitting up, she glanced around the living room with confusion struck on her face. Who where all these people? She counted them slowly but couldn't keep track with all the moving they were doing... Maybe 6 people? 5? It took her a while to notice the vest that labelled the letters FBI. It took her a while to realize who they were but she was still confused. Why where the FBI in her home? Why where her parents silently crying to themselves and ignoring her pleads for a glass of water? Where was her brother? Why were the FBI searching the kitchen cabinets? What was going on?

She looked up to see her sister, Kaylyn, holding a glass of water towards her. She took the cup from her hands and brought the cup to hers lips. Taking a long sip, she placed the cup on the ground. She tugged on Kaylyn's hand and brought her sisters ear to her. "What's going on?" She asked. Kaylyn sighed and kneeled down next to Carrie, pulling her into her arms. 

"Carrie, it's nothing you should be concerned about... Connor just got himself into a little trouble but I don't want you to worry about it. These people are just here to look around and see if they can find anything dangerous. Have you found anything scary?" 

Carrie shook her head slowly, turning away all the heads that had turned to her hoping to hear any useful information. Scary? She slowly got on to her feet and pointed towards the doors that led to the balcony. 

"What is it, Carrie?" 

She walked towards the balcony door and pulled it open, pointing to the ground. "I was playing with my toys yesterday and Connor came to the balcony. He got a stick and pushed this brick up, he threw something scary inside." Carrie walked towards the brick her finger had been pointed at and used the tip of her fingers to push it only slightly upwards. Before she knew it the FBI had rushed to where she was. One of them had taken her aside and returned to the crowd that had pulled the brick off only to find a Ruger 10/22 laid firmly on the dirt.

A sigh of relief escaped each of them that had found what they came for. Carrie felt someones hand grip on her arm, pulling her back inside. "Why didn't you tell me you found something scary when Connor left?" Carrie looked up at her father who was staring at her tentatively.

"Is Connor in trouble?" Carrie asked, her tone as innocent as her bright blue eyes that were gleaming. Her father shook her head and pulled Carrie into her arms. "He did a very bad thing and now he is in trouble."

"What did he do?" She looked around as her mother glanced at them. "Mommy, what did Connor do?" Carrie rushed to her mother and tugged on her sleeve. Her eyes remained glued to hers but she didn't release a single breath. "Be good to daddy, Carrie." 

Carrie looked around the room confused once everyones attention turned to them. Before she knew it, her mother had fallen on to the floor and everyone rushed towards them. 

"Call 911!"

"What the f**k happened?"

"I can't feel her pulse!"

"Somebody call 911 for god sake!"

"She's not breathing, I can't do anything else till the ambulance gets here!"

Author's Note

First chapter... Nervous, hope you guys liked it! It's only short because it's nearly four a.m and I can barely keep my eyes open. I'll start on the next chapter tomorrow. Be honest, I take criticism well!

Reviews

[AnonymousLad]

This is very good. Don't worry about short, short on this website seems to mean that more people will read it and review it.
There are only extremely minor things I would suggest: Start a new line for dialogue, stuff like that. Maybe I'm misreading it, but I think you change tense in the paragraph where the gun is uncovered.
Also, in your second paragraph you use the word 'cup' a few times. I would put in a pronoun or two.

Like I said, all very minor stuff. Otherwise, good work. I hope you write more and I look forward to reading more!