I'm sorry

Why did you leave me?

I'm sorry...
That's all I can say.
I wanted to hold you; I wanted to love you.
I would have given you everything, if given the chance.
We could have been one, you and I,
And together we could have touched the sky.
But that's not how it turned out,
And now we far apart.

Forgive me for everything.
I did not mean to hurt you.
I just wanted you to be happy, to find joy in your heart:
To love and to be loved de corazón a corazón.
We could have been one, you and I,
And together we could have touched the sky.
But we are alone now,
so very far apart.

A broken heart,
That's all that you left me.
A broken heart and a pretty diamond ring,
Alone in the shadows, singing a song of sadness.
We could have been one, you and I,
And together we could have touched the sky.
Just trust me when I say,
I'm sorry.

Author's Note

A very avant garde piece, I know.

Reviews

[justjenn_2u]

What could have been is always painful and this reflects the pain of what could have been. The hardest part is never knowing!

[ah]

this poem is amazing, i love it, i feel exactly what u felt, i hope she got to read this, that would be perfect so she could understand how u feel and that ur sorry for everything u did wrong in the relationship.... i really like the part where u say "a broken heart,
that's all that you left me.
a broken heart and a pretty diamond ring,
alone in the shadows, singing a song of sadness.... i love the singing, song, sadness, thats great... i really don't think there is anything u could do to improve upon this piece, thanks for asking me to read it, keep writing

[Legion]

Dig deeper. I know you feel the angst here, but the conveyance could be so much stronger here. For example, let's take this line -
"A broken heart,
That's all that you left me."

True and understood, but not really that emotional or poetic. Suppose you had said something to this effect -
"Shattered deception of a syncopated rhythm
A gift given lacking the want of reception."

Just an example.

Your message is of importance and deep, but don't sell it short. Step outside the proverbial box and explode into the psyche of the moment. Present your emotions with the utmost and deepest regards and respect they deserve. You have great potential. I hope this makes sense.

I, also, really liked that "de corazon a corazon" bit.

[Matthew Ervin]

Let me start by saying that I like this piece very much. Honestly I didn't find the style to be all that unusual, but I might have missed something. I will say that the tone and cadence of the piece does indeed convey the despair quite well. The only suggestion I have for enhancing the emotional despair, of which you speak, would be to slow the pace as the despair deepens and to bring it up again as it approaches the end.

[Also, I think that line 8 is missing an "are"].

Nice work.

[Emily]

I've been in this situation, so I know the feeling quite well, and I have to tell you that you did indeed convey exactly what I felt. I can't say I've ever been a fan of poetry that doesn't have even a hint of rhyming (excluding those two lines per stanza =P), but you pulled off the style as well as anyone could have.

Well done =) it was an emotional piece, and I really liked reading it.

[jen -- JG]

I think you have conveyed that feeling quite well. Everything is in the first verse, the information, the feeling, the loss, the lost dreams, and final realisation that it is all over.

I like the repeat of

"We could have been one, you and I,
And together we could have touched the sky. "

even though it is over , you still hold the dream untill the last lines

"Just trust me when I say,
I'm sorry"

A sad poem but nicely written.

[jen -- JG]

I think you have conveyed that feeling quite well. Everything is in the first verse, the information, the feeling, the loss, the lost dreams, and final realisation that it is all over.

I like the repeat of

"We could have been one, you and I,
And together we could have touched the sky. "

even though it is over , you still hold the dream untill the last lines

"Just trust me when I say,
I'm sorry"

A sad poem but nicely written.

[Megan]

Aghhh this portrays the EXACT emotion I was experiencing when I wrote my piece "So This Is Hell?" I love how two completely different works can hold so much of the same passion... Feeling this way is no fun but it's nice to know that you're not alone, right? And I love this poem. "De coraz�n a coraz�n" is such a good touch.
:)

[Patwant Pannu]

i like it. I think that you showed the despair that you were trying to convey.