The Coffee Shop

A muffled chatter, scattered about
The sound of a smooch shared by two
They walked in, hands sewn together
They kissed like they hadn't seen one another in years
Two elderly women gab and gossip of old friends and memories passed
They look at me and smile, I smile back
They continue like no one in the world,
let alone the cafe, could hear them
I guess that's the age when one has surpassed feeling shame long ago

A pretty young girl sits and reads her book
The type of pretty girl you could actually approach
A girl you'd almost rather not dare to bother
She looks too pretty, just sitting there reading
Her hair tied up and her pampered nails painted with little flowers
Busy men walk in, walk out.
Black coffee. Bluetooth. Busy.
Baristas chat amongst one another
Probably complaining about crabby customers
Complaining about coworkers, complaining.
No harm done.
Anyone working is usually tired, sick and tired.

I ordered some sweet concoction
Caramel… something or other
I mind my business, admiring the pretty girl
Admiring the young couple admiring each other
Admiring the jovial, old ladies chatting it up like no one's listening
I hope when I reach that age that I'm that jovial, that talkative
I hope I have an old friend to sit with me and drink coffee
To talk of old friends and memories passed
To talk like no one's listening.

Reviews

[Glen Yumang Manese]

You did well with capturing the moment in the sequence of events in the coffee shop...and give the reader an in depth analysis with in the lines...as I read this narrative...I do question if the usage in this line could be revised:

She looks too pretty, just sitting there reading
Her hair tied up and her pretty nails painted with pretty little flowers
---
She looks too pretty, just sitting there reading
Her hair tied up and her pampered nails painted with little flowers
---

Unless that was your motive to exaggerate the word "pretty" to give us the emphasis...

[A.J. Thompson]

Ah I actually like that revision much better! Thanks Glen, I appreciate the feedback. The purpose was to put emphasis on the girl's "pretty" appearance, but I feel like the revision you've made meets that purpose and also sounds better when read aloud. Thanks!

[Glen Yumang Manese]

you're welcome...

[Bella]

I love this poem it's really good!!!

[Alex Boyd]

Enjoyable I must say felt like I was a part of the story, one of the customers watching, sitting enjoying the scenery. Very descriptive, very detail in your drawing of words, once again enjoyable.

[A.J. Thompson]

Thanks for taking the time to review! Much appreciated!

[JD Jessop]

I really liked this. Is it based on a visit by you to the coffee shop? well written.

[A.J. Thompson]

In fact it was! thanks so much for taking the time out to comment.

[krystle]

this is so visual and so well written and I really really enjoyed reading it mainly because I feel like these are my thoughts written by someone else.

[A.J. Thompson]

Thank you ! It's awesome to hear someone say that.

[MomzillaNC]

You paint a vivid scene with your words. This is an excellent narrative.

[A.J. Thompson]

Thank you so much I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[MomzillaNC]

You're very welcome.

[Matching Socks]

You've captured this scene so well. I loved. Felt transported there.
I was really hoping you would approach the girl!

[A.J. Thompson]

Thank you so much! And maybe I could make another poem for that one!

[Matching Socks]

:) Yeah, why not?