Cutting

This poem is about a type of self harm, cutting, that I have been struggling with for a year.

Cutting,
 It's portrayed as something it is not.
 Bad,
 Wrong,
 But no one truly understands,
 Unless they do it too.

 One cut,
 The addiction starts.
 One cut,
 You think about it more and more.
 At first its just a scratch,
 Small,
 Almost painless.
 But that pain is all you need,
 Then you can't focus on anything else.

 Even if you're happy,
 You can't help but think about it.
 The blade piercing your skin,
 Watching the crimson blood fall.
 When you're mad is when they truly get worse,
 Deeper, spilling even more blood,
 Sometimes you don't want to stop..

 Before long,
 You're cutting every single day.
 Why?
 Because it makes everything better,
 At least temporarily.
 Of course you have to wear long sleeves
 You have to hide them,
 But it's okay,
 You don't mind.
 

Soon enough,
 You'll run out of room on your arm,
 So you more to your legs
 There's never enough space.

 You'll end up like me,
 Mostly quiet,
 But I seem fine.
 Until my sleeves get lifted,
 Then everyone knows the ugly truth,
 That's when it gets worse.
 

The names start coming,
 Attention seeking,
 Emo,
 Freak,
 It only makes it worse.
 

You crave the pain,
 It's become normal ,
 Try to walk into school,
 With your head held high,
 It's hard,
 But worth it.
 

No one wants to cut,
 They have to,
 It's as simple as that,
 There is nothing wrong with it.

 You lose all sight of any beauty you thought you had,
 But it's okay,
 Pain is absolutely gorgeous.
 

So go ahead,
 Slit your wrist,
 But be warned,
 They will get worse,
 It will get bad,
 And there's a long road ahead.

Reviews

[Astro]

Well as a poem, it is very well expressed and sticks to its point of view preserving the integrity of the voice in the poem. There is one small typo here, "So you more to your legs" where "more" = "move". As for the topic, well the vulgarity of how this act is perceived makes it a difficult one to see as poetic, but I think you have done a good job at disputing that perception. I don't know if this is a true admission by the poet or a work of fiction, but nonetheless I wish to explain that the act can be described poetically and why? First off, no matter who we are as people, some of us have a bad go at life for one reason or another. This sometimes makes us feel numb, or dead inside. Life and death being some of the most profound inspirations of poetry then make this act understandable in those terms. Wanting to feel something anything, and then after the cut has been made, feeling the sting, the itch, the throb of something other than revulsion or depression and anger it makes sense. I don't necessarily approve of it, but to each their own, we all cope in different ways. It is a coping mechanism, because for every cut the body releases endorphins like, dopamine and seratonin and adrenaline. All similarly released when we resort to 'acceptable' vices like drinking and drug abuse. So bravo, at your bravery to discuss this state of being or coping mechanism, it is definitely unpopular. Also, I hope whatever pressures you may or may not feel, depending on the truth of the piece, are soon let up and you are afforded a new strength that will allow you to end this 'need' of yours. Peace.

[alexa.garrison]

Thank you for pointing out the typo, guess I didn't catch that one. And this is a very true story about myself and I am getting better! It's a long road to recovery as I said but I know in the end it will be worth it.

[Astro]

The ones that sometimes seem the weakest are truly the strongest of us all. Stay strong!

[alexa.garrison]

Thank you!

[Astro]

My pleasure. ;)

[Sarah Conder]

To the point and direct. This is an excellent portrayal of the struggle with self harm and it's heart-breaking consequences.

[Baby Ricochet]

"you crave the pain" I've never been " a cutter" but I do relate to the glory of pain. Bodybuilding teaches you to seek out pain and ride it like a tsunami. I have a line in a poem somewhere that goes "Hammer me with glorious pain" as a tribute to pain's beauty. Pain gives you immediate, uninterrupted focus. Pain is the present moment, pain is a Zen moment and when you're the one in control of the pain, I.E. self inflicting it you're in control of yourself. It's the same with eating disorders. A lot of self control that's out of control. There have been moments in my life I wondered why I willingly go into the gym and say, squat 315 lbs for 12 reps X 5 sets in about 15 minutes. Besides the obvious observation that I'm an attention seeking ego maniac and think being as big as a Clydesdale is f*****g awesome I love the control over the weight and over the pain. Very much like control over the blade and over the pain. Pain delivers the endorphins our brain is hungry for. I'd imagine after you cut yourself up you feel light, almost giddy from the endorphin rush.I know I do after a grueling workout.
Bet you don't get ignored when people see all those scars either. I know just what that feels like cause nobody can ignore my big a*s. You see? Cutting, bodybuilding on the surface couldn't be more different but as an action, You feel bad about yourself, you do something to your body that alters your appearance and the discipline involves an enormous amount of controlled pain, you go out, people give you a lot of attention and most of them think you're bat s**t crazy for doing it. Ah. I knew I'd work this analogy out if I just kept typing.

[Sharon L.H. Kelly]

When I ask people why they cut, the answer is always, without fail, "because it feels good." Labeling them is cruel, most do it because they don't understand the nature of the beast. This practice will wax and wane, often continuing into adulthood, depending on stressors. It truly is an addiction and you captured the progression of it well in your writing. "And there's along road ahead" is an appropriate (and true) summary. Thank you for sharing something so deeply personal.

[alexa.garrison]

I share my story mainly anonymously to help myself and others who have or are thinking of self harm. Thank you for reading

[A.J.]

I've been here.. searching for release..

[alexa.garrison]

Please be careful and if you ever need anything feel free to message me.

[A.J.]

oh no, i found my release skydiving. :)

[alexa.garrison]

I've always wanted to do that!!!

[A.J.]

you should definitely try it!

[alexa.garrison]

I'm only 14 :/

[A.J.]

two more years! (some let you with parental consent)

[alexa.garrison]

Lol my dad wants to go with me

[A.J.]

lol! lol.. well, unless he is licensed, he cant go attached to you. you can both go attached to instructors though!

[alexa.garrison]

Hes definitely not licensed to do anything but get on my last nerve! Haha I'll talk to him about it

[A.J.]

you guys go! but be prepared, for the two of you on the jumps you will be doing- you could be looking at 4 to 5 hundred all together.

[alexa.garrison]

I have a lot of money saved up and it's definitely worth it.

[The Verse: A Poetry Jou..]

The Blade of Me
Dan Navarrete

For Alexa Garrison

It is no sin,
For what I do,
Brings relief--
A ritual it must be.

It is no addiction,
Like any sport,
It has its rules--

Clean, Cut,
Clean, Hide--
Wait for the scab,
A scar you will have.

It is not a sin,
For if you go to deep,
To god you will pray--
And promise to never
Do it again.

Soon enough,
You will learn--
Butterfly strips
Will do the job.

[A.J.]

nice recommendation!

[The Verse: A Poetry Journal]

haha, I just rolled with what she had, very rarely do other poets inspire anything. Probably not the best of advice, but who am I?

[A.J.]

hey, advice is advice. and sometimes the best advice started off as the worst, and vice versa.

[The Verse: A Poetry Journal]

fair enough, so what started the project (morning views)? are you a fan of Berryman? Do you plan on reserving them and releasing them as a collection?

[A.J.]

actually, I'm not sure that I've read Berryman. I suppose if I ever found someone interested in a collection, it'll be right here on my computer, along with the other two I have going.. Porcelain Hammers and PaperCuts

[A.J.]

I suppose Morning Views technically began with the cup of coffee in the first editions picture..

[The Verse: A Poetry Journal]

Berryman, was a leader in the confessional movement. He wrote something similar and his too were perhaps his best works! I will check out the other two!

[A.J.]

take a read of my short A View From A Casket if your into brutal honesty and confessions.

[The Verse: A Poetry Journal]

sure will.