When It Was All Said

PBS The Vietnam War & its influence

When It Was All Said

For a Nam vet to see all his dead buddies will be speechless. A gaze of wonderment in the meeting of souls but before death lays his hands upon me I must tell you of a Silence I witnessed.
Andy returned from Nam about a year when I first met him. His sister, Jane, had dragged my drunken a*s out of a bar near Tamaqua, Pennsylvania. We laid on the sofa, mingling in playful conversation. Her beauty smack dab in front of my face, her soul penetrating into mine, the unbelievable of reality besieging my fantasies. Whoa!

She left me for sleep and the coming morning. The booze in me quietly rocked me off to never never land. The morning brought me face to face with Jane's mother & father and of course her brother Andy.
"Hello", he said. His voice soft, his eyes wandering into some forgotten abyss mankind had all but forgotten about yet here it was revisiting a twenty year old man-boy.
Jane whispered to me that hello was all Andy said to anybody. His year at home didn't change anything. Everyone including close family got a share of Andy's hello, day after day, week and week, month after month. Several years passed before Andy could hug his Mom & sister and shake hands with his Dad uttering more than the usual hello.

When it was all said somewhere in the Nam Andy swallowed hard. A nineteen year old soul juxtaposed to horror. What could you say? Words use to add up, make some sense. Here in the Nam common sense left the field; took off on a love affair with some bullshit domino theory never to return just like guys named Andy, Al, Jeff, Randy, Karl, Adam.

"Hey Mom! Are we home yet? I see the house, yard, trees, everything Mom, but sure as hell don't feel like home."

Specialist 4 Alfred W. Kukitz
US 52 989 202
Americal Division
Headquarters Company
723rd Maintenance Bn.
Chu Lai, S. Vietnam
17 March 1969 13 March 1970

Still waiting to come home.

Reviews

[Alfred Kukitz]

Thanks Doodley!

I'm viewing PBS The Vietnam War, when it ends I sit transfixed seeping into the context of the stories, always with some horrid disbelief.

Regards,
Al

[.]

Wow, Alfred! Very deep and personal.

I have quite the fascination with the Vietnam conflict and have read many different books detailing the personal accounts of men just like yourself; youthful men who were betrayed by politicians into leaving the soul of their youth in the jungles of Vietnam. Only to return to animosity, unappreciation and the nightmares of the things they witnessed.

Having read such stories, i have found myself having great admiration for those who served selflessly in the war and who came home to re-glue the remnants of their lives. No doubt it has been a struggle, Alfred, and may always will be. Just understand there are those who do admire your sacrifice even if they can't possibly understand the enormity of it. You are home, Al. And your words here on the cafe are proof of the man you are now; forged in the fire but still gleaming strongly.

I really appreciate this write. Thank you for giving us a first hand insight. A courageous and poignant piece of work. Very well done.