7. I'm So Sorry Gideon

*In Quantico*

 

*Reid, Hotch and I are standing in a room that holds security camera. We are watching Gideon yell calmly at the gunman that kidnapped me and the other three, trying to make sense of out the gunman’s answers*

 

Gideon: And why did you do it?

 

Gunman: I needed money.

 

Gideon: And blood on your hands?

 

Gunman: …If it was necessary, then yes.

 

Gideon: What if I told you that she was dead?

 

Gunman: Who?

 

Gideon: the girl you shot.

 

Me: …He’s lying.

 

Hotchner: He does that.

 

Me: What does it do?

 

Reid: It makes the gunman believe false ideas, puts him on edge. Something happened that he didn’t want to happen. This makes him uncomfortable, and sometimes to the limit that he explains his methods and spills because he feels that his job didn’t go as planned. We’ve used it before, to try and get criminals to come out with their psyches.

 

Hotchner: …

 

Me: You’re so smart, Reid~

 

Hotchner: Right, go after him instead of me.

 

Me: No way, Hotchy, you’re MINE.

 

Hotchner: I’m married!

 

Me: What? NOOOOO…

 

Reid: Hotch, I thought you were divorced.

 

Hotchner: SH!

 

Me: *punches air* YES!

 

*Gideon emerges from the room*

 

Me: Jason Gideon!

 

Gideon: Olivia Smith, I presume?

 

Me: Yessir. You had to interview the gunman?

 

Gideon: Yup.

 

Me: …I’m so sorry Gideon.

 

Gideon: *looks down* It’s okay.

 

Gunman: SUPERVISORY SPECIAL AGENT JASON GIDEON, PREPARE TO DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

 

*Silence*

 

Reid, Hotch and I: I’m so sorry Gideon.

 

*In Quantico Interview Rooms*

 

*In the room with JJ and Mayisha, JJ is sitting calmly as she can in front of her. Inside, however, she’s shaking in her shoes. She’s seen glimpses of Mayisha. Could she really be that crazy?*

 

JJ: I’m Agent Jareau.

 

Mayisha: I know who you are. Can I call you JJ?

 

JJ: …sure.

 

Mayisha: YES YO.

 

JJ: All right…

 

Mayisha: WE’RE IN THE BAU BASE, AREN’T WE? IN QUANTICO?!

 

JJ: …you’re just realizing this NOW?

 

Mayisha: I’M NOT USUALLY THIS SLOW!

 

JJ: What is wrong with you?

 

Mayisha: THERE’S LOTS OF THINGS WRONG WITH ME!!

 

JJ: *gasps* You’re on drugs?

 

Mayisha: NOOO

 

JJ: Uh… *light bulb* You’re an escaped asylum patient!

 

Mayisha: PUCK NO!

 

JJ: THEN WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU POOR DERANGED CHILD?!

 

Mayisha: …Yay I succeeded.

 

JJ: *out of breath from yelling* In what?

 

Mayisha: IN FREAKING YOU OUT~

 

JJ: Err… Okay.

 

*In Prentiss and Jocelyn’s room, Prentiss opens the door and walks in as casually as possible*

 

Jocelyn: Who’re you? Where’s Hotchner?

 

Prentiss: I’m Supervisory Special Agent Emily Prentiss and--

 

Jocelyn: CANICALLYOUPRENTISS?

 

Prentiss: …Sorry, say that again?

 

Jocelyn: CANICALLYOUPRENTISS?

 

Prentiss: One more time?

 

Jocelyn: CAN.I.CALL.YOU.PRENTISS?

 

Prentiss: Oh yeah. Yes, sure.

 

Jocelyn: YAYZ!

 

Prentiss: Can I call you Jocelyn?

 

Jocelyn: Sure ‘thing.

 

Prentiss: Now that that’s settled, Jocelyn, you know why I was sent in here to interview you?

 

Jocelyn: Because everyone else didn’t want to?

 

Prentiss: *sighs*

 

Jocelyn: Ha, just kidding. I can see why they didn’t want to interview me.

 

Prentiss: Do you know of the TV show Criminal Minds?

 

Jocelyn: Yup. Mayisha and Olivia watch it, like, twenty-four/seven.

 

Prentiss: Do you know what it’s about?

 

Jocelyn: Yeah, I watch it too, duh.

 

Prentiss: Care to elaborate?

 

Jocelyn: …You ask a lot of questions.

 

Prentiss: That’s my job. I’m a profiler.

 

Jocelyn: I know that, duh.

 

Prentiss: Care to answer my most recent question?

 

Jocelyn: Again with the questions!

 

Prentiss: JUST ANSWER THE FREAKING QUESTION!

 

Jocelyn: OKAY, OKAY! Jeez!

 

Prentiss: God, I can see why Hotch was afraid!

 

Jocelyn: …Hotchner was afraid of me?

 

Prentiss: In a way.

 

Jocelyn: Who was the team the most scared of?

 

Prentiss: Mayisha Khan.

 

Jocelyn: *snaps fingers* CALLED IT!

 

Prentiss: Please. Answer. The freaking. Question. NOW.

 

Jocelyn: Okay, okay, okay. Jeez. “Criminal Minds” is about you guys. The BAU team that consists of Dr. Reid, Agent Hotchner, Agent Prentiss, Agent JJ, Agent Morgan, Agent Gideon AAAAAAAND tech-y gal Garcia.

 

Prentiss: …That’s everyone.

 

Jocelyn: WELL DU-

 

Prentiss: NO MORE DUHS!

 

*Outside of the interrogation rooms, Garcia is sitting, cracking up*

 

Garcia: Oh, my God, these girls can make even the sanest person lose it.

 

*In Morgan and Megan’s room, Morgan is sitting down this time*

 

Morgan: Hey, Megan. Do you remember me?

 

Megan: *flatly* It’s been, like, ten minutes.

 

Morgan: I’ll take that as a yes then.

 

Megan: Has my boyfriend showed up for me yet?

 

Morgan: You mean the Master?

 

Megan: HOW DO DID YOU KNOW?!

 

Morgan: …Hotch told me.

 

Megan: Olivia’s love?

 

Morgan: …I thought you said that Olivia has a boyfriend.

 

Megan: That doesn’t stop her.

 

Morgan: O.o

 

Megan: No, not like that!

 

Morgan: Then what like?

 

Megan: Even though you’re in a relationship with someone, you can still fall in love or like other people, can’t you?

 

Morgan: As long as it doesn’t develop into anything, sure.

 

Megan: Exactly.

 

Morgan: RIIIIIIGHT.

 

Megan: SO, how’s Liv, Joss, and Mayisha treating you?

 

Morgan: That Mayisha girl’s a nightmare, and Jocelyn’s pretty close.

 

Megan: Heh. What about Olivia?

 

Morgan: We sent Dr. Spencer Reid to interview her. We haven’t hear back from him. Agent Hotchner, the Special Agent in Charge, just went to check on the two of them, and do some interviewing himself. Wait, why am I telling you this?

 

Megan: Liv probably ate Reid.

 

Morgan: …Ate? She’s a cannibal.

 

Megan: *flatly* SARCASM.

 

Morgan: Oh. *looks embarrassed*

 

Megan: ULTRA DUH.

 

Morgan: What is this “ultra duh”?

 

Megan: It’s when something is so rassiloning obvious it could jump out and bite you in the eyes.

 

Morgan: Rassilon?

 

Megan: My uncle. President of the Time Lords.

 

Morgan: Time Lords?

 

Megan: …That’s classified.

 

Morgan: Are you aware that Olivia worked for a company known as the Torchwood Institute?

 

Megan: *sarcastic gasp* No, I had no idea!

 

Morgan: *sighs, giving Megan a look* What do you know about Torchwood.

 

Megan: Everything, I suppose.

 

Morgan: *is surprised* You know EVERYTHING about a top-secret organization?

 

Megan: It’s current leader stalks my best friend.

 

Morgan: Your best friend being…?

 

Megan: Jocelyn.

 

Morgan: And who’s the “current” leader?

 

Megan: Well, he would be the current leader if one Torchwood hadn’t blown up, and two, he wouldn’t spend all his time stalking and trying to get Jocelyn to fall in love with him. Unsuccessfully, as I may add.

 

Morgan: Again, who is he?

 

Megan: Captain Jack Harkness.

 

Morgan: Captain J- NO WAY!

 

Megan: No way what? *is confused*

 

Morgan: HOLY- *runs from the room*

 

Megan: … *is still confused*

Author's Note

This is WAAAAAY too much fun to write.
There you go, Fafa! You made JJ insane.

Reviews

[Sarah E. Pearson]

so loving this

[Roxi L]

Way to funny.

Writing keeps the dream alive
~V~

[Miss Sally Sunshine]

Why are you crazy XD I'm having too much fun reading this XD

[~goh~]

FUDGE NO. Jack is coming, isn't he? *facepalm*

[compositionc]

IM LOCKED IN A BATHROOM READING THIS. LOLZ.

[Short.Nerd]

Bwahaha... still hilarous!

[Aurora Lynn]

And I made Preintiss go insane. I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing...

And please tell me that Jack doesn't come in the next chapter...PLEASE!