Abandoned

Abandoned

A Poem by Kelsey

The soft breeze whispers,
wiping away any trace of harm.
The leaves touch ever so gently,
whispering only to each other,
being cast wherever the wind takes them.

The wind picks up, 
violently yet so gently.
The whispers turn to screams,
the hurt returns.
Rage, rampage, a land of loss,
sanity flees.
Happiness is abandoned,
but was it ever to be found?

The calmness returns.
Winds quiet to a breeze once again.
Leaves lay silently.
The mind returns to peace,
calmness,
ease.

© 2013 Kelsey


Author's Note

Kelsey
I tried to make this something that changed moods quickly with few lines. I wanted to paint the picture and the feelings, while still being able to change them. I think I like that it ends strangely, but I'm really not sure, so thoughts are, of course, welcome. Thank you, lovelies. xo

My Review

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Featured Review

Such sad, twisted beauty, filled with extremely powerful images and emotion. Yet another masterpiece. But I must ask -- is this really about nature? On the surface, your words paint a picture of soothing, then a mixture of pain, loss, and other negative emotions, and then it quickly shifts back to a soothing calm. Each stage has its own feel and its own imagery, and it's done very well, but to me, none of it is especially dark or dangerous. And then my twisted mind takes over. When I look underneath the surface, I see something much darker. Here's my interpretation...

"The soft breeze whispers,
wiping away any trace of harm.
The leaves touch ever so gently,
whispering only to each other,
being cast wherever the wind takes them."

... I just finished cutting, and I'm gently blowing on the open wound, as if the pain is bubbling on the surface, and my gentle breath blows it away, to dissipate into nothingness. The blood drops gently touch, some of them merging, and make their way across my skin...

"The wind picks up,
violently yet so gently.
The whispers turn to screams,
the hurt returns.
Rage, rampage, a land of loss,
sanity flees.
Happiness is abandoned,
but was it ever to be found?"

... No, there's still too much pain. Blowing harder, but the pain's still there, even increasing. Must make another cut. Another. Another. The blood drops from all the cuts crash violently into each other as the blade tears through the flesh...

"The calmness returns.
The wind quiets to a breeze once again.
The leaves lay silently.
The mind returns to peace,
calmness,
ease."

... The rage is bled out, the shaking slows, breathing returns to normal. The blood clots, and the droplets are still, unmoving. Heart beats slowly, breathing is slow and even, the pain is chased away for one more night.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Kelsey

7 Years Ago

Wow. I'm rather amazed by your interpretation of this piece. Honestly, it wasn't written with those .. read more



Reviews

Makes me miss the woods.
Damn civilization and its noise.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Kelsey

7 Years Ago

There's nothing like running away to the woods when life becomes too much.
John

7 Years Ago

I'm going to have to most definitely agree with that.
Great imagery, I like to minimize the the's

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Kelsey

7 Years Ago

Thank you again, I appreciate you taking the time to read so many of my poems. x
We find ourselves like the water, at times drifting softly and at others raging and roaring, only to find that no matter what we return to the softer pools of peace. This is wonderfully written showing such range of emotion, well done.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Kelsey

7 Years Ago

That's exactly what I was trying to portray. Once again, I thank you, both for seeing the idea in th.. read more
Sounds like the way my mind works, you were able to paint the picture for me! Thank you for sharing this, it was great.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Kelsey

7 Years Ago

Yours and mine both, lol. Thank you, as always, it means the world.
Just when you start to get a grip on even a "temporary madness", you are sucked back in to try and manage normalcy!! This site seems to be testing my never wanting to read poetry lately, 'cause I love this poem, and some of your other work that I have caught of you. I was placed very gently in the woods, ready for a possible walk amongst the plumage, and then a tease, a slight nudge, and then a push that was intimidating, and the angst came back. Your poem took me through some wonderful moments, both the the unsettling part and the calming numbness of giving in to the "reasoning" in the end...... Nice job!! I had to read it again!! lol Beautiful Kelsey. xoxo -Mark

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Kelsey

7 Years Ago

Goodness, thank you so much! Really, I appreciate it more than you know. Thanks again. xo
Such sad, twisted beauty, filled with extremely powerful images and emotion. Yet another masterpiece. But I must ask -- is this really about nature? On the surface, your words paint a picture of soothing, then a mixture of pain, loss, and other negative emotions, and then it quickly shifts back to a soothing calm. Each stage has its own feel and its own imagery, and it's done very well, but to me, none of it is especially dark or dangerous. And then my twisted mind takes over. When I look underneath the surface, I see something much darker. Here's my interpretation...

"The soft breeze whispers,
wiping away any trace of harm.
The leaves touch ever so gently,
whispering only to each other,
being cast wherever the wind takes them."

... I just finished cutting, and I'm gently blowing on the open wound, as if the pain is bubbling on the surface, and my gentle breath blows it away, to dissipate into nothingness. The blood drops gently touch, some of them merging, and make their way across my skin...

"The wind picks up,
violently yet so gently.
The whispers turn to screams,
the hurt returns.
Rage, rampage, a land of loss,
sanity flees.
Happiness is abandoned,
but was it ever to be found?"

... No, there's still too much pain. Blowing harder, but the pain's still there, even increasing. Must make another cut. Another. Another. The blood drops from all the cuts crash violently into each other as the blade tears through the flesh...

"The calmness returns.
The wind quiets to a breeze once again.
The leaves lay silently.
The mind returns to peace,
calmness,
ease."

... The rage is bled out, the shaking slows, breathing returns to normal. The blood clots, and the droplets are still, unmoving. Heart beats slowly, breathing is slow and even, the pain is chased away for one more night.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Kelsey

7 Years Ago

Wow. I'm rather amazed by your interpretation of this piece. Honestly, it wasn't written with those .. read more
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Tex
lovely. this piece is so nice I love the way it builds then falls almost like the tide gently rising then falling to a calm low.

beautifully written.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Kelsey

7 Years Ago

I was really hoping that effect would be given the way I'd intended it to be. Thank you. x
Tex

7 Years Ago

Ah... then a very well done to you!
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Great job ,Kelsey. The flow of this poem works really well.

Posted 7 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Kelsey

7 Years Ago

Thank you, I really appreciate it.
I think you did it well.. the balance and or imbalance as some call it flow well here.. As usual you wow my mind..xo

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Kelsey

7 Years Ago

Oh my, thank you so much, lovely. Really, it means a lot. xo
I thank you managed to do exactly what you wanted to do with this poem. The moods did change quickly, and you painted a beautiful picture with vivid feelings. Great job!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Kelsey

7 Years Ago

Thank you so much, lovely! I really appreciate it.

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22 Reviews
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Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on October 26, 2012
Last Updated on February 1, 2013
Tags: weather, leaves, fall, abandon, poems, poetry

Author

Kelsey
Kelsey

WV



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