Wind

The wind is fierce today.

The autumn air bites you,

The brutal wind cuts through you,

Like a serrated dagger.

 

A whirlwind of crispy leaves,

Whisks by, spinning rapidly.

Frantic, like the thoughts,

Swirling, twirling in my mind.

 

Branches sway, giving way

To the cyclonic winds outside.

Inside, for me it is just as dangerous,

And turbulent as out in the storm.

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[ice]

Being a naturopath, helps me relate well with this poem.
I like how the analogy grows as the poem continues...stanza to stanza
The wind becoming a "serrated dagger" forms the wind into a thing of man.
Then, wind returns, then becomes "frantic" relating it to a human feeling.
Then, "Branches swaying"..where you compare it to what is inside you.

Good Job, Lauren

ice

[Jaffa Forbes]

This has the potential to be a really amazing poem. It's has that sense of power and majesty to it, but I would suggest changing just a few tiny little points. 1) 3rd line of the first stanza, take out the 'you'. You've already mentioned 'you' the previous line and by taking it out the poem flows better. 'the autumn air bites you,/ the brutal wind cuts through/ like a serrated dagger'. 2) Don't use so may commas in the second stanza, it makes what should be like flowing wind sound broken. 'a whirlwind of crispy leaves /whisks by, spinning rapidly, / frantic, like the thoughts / swirling, twirling in my mind.' Does that make sense or am I being pedantic? 3) third stanza is good, the last two lines I would suggest might sound a tad better as 'Inside, for me it's just as dangerous / and turbulent as out in the storm.'
These are all little, tiny things that don't take away from they main brilliance of the poem, but by paying attention to all the little structural details it can sometimes make a big difference when somebody is reading it.
Sorry, this sounds like a very long and boring essay... ah!
keep well!
Jaff

[Caleb Benton]

Living in West Texas, I can definately understand how strong wind can be. I like your description of wind with words like fierce, brutal, cyclonic, and turbulent. You brought the wind to life and set an even stronger mood behind that by being bitten and cut by it and getting caught up in a frantic, spinning whirlwind that completely boggles the mind. Great job on symbolizing the whirlwind with the chaos that goes on not only during a storm, but within ourselves everyday and then wrapping it up perfectly at the end. All around excellent poem and a pleasure to read. Keep it up.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

dang I didn't see that end coming... really grabbed me a shook me up... personal lives can be as as hectic and damaging as a fierce storm... i really liked this.