Lust vs. Chastity

A haiku written for a contest...

I want to succumb

Throbbing, sweating, so damn hot

I can’t so I run

Reviews

[Kathryn]

Great piece, especially for a Haiku! I can totally relate to the subject matter, as you might learn from some of my writings. The words you chose we strong, effective, and vivid. Nice flow and rhythm. I like that the lines all make sense and go together. I've read some ridiculous Haikus, so this, again, is a refreshing piece.

Suggestion: Only thing I would change is to place a comma after "can't" in the last line. I think it needs a pause there. First time I read it, the two thoughts bled into one another.

[ice]

I can feel the intensity, erotic, yet sad at the same time..
Or perhaps, wise.
You run, because you were driven out of the garden of love for some reason.
* "Driven out, and compelled to be chaste."
Something was, or is...
* "binding with briars my (your) joys and desires"
Anyway......This is very well done.:-)

ice

* William Blake...from "The Garden Of Love"

[Ron Reardon]

So much said in so few words.....

[Kelley]

Fear catches us all at sometime in our life.
Great write!!! Thanks for sharing.

Kelley

[John A Common]

Very good Haiku. Its very hot to,I think I need a cold shower now.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Damn that is a great haiku... sticking to your morals despite temptation... great message in such few words...

I tried one once, they are hard to do so I give you mad props.