Cluttered

You are consumed.
Your mind is cluttered.
There is no room it seems,
For me.

You are frenzied.
Your world a vortex.
There is no space it appears,
For me.

You are obsessive.
Your thoughts focused.
There is nothing left it shows,
For me.

Reviews

[clover13]

I like this one very much. It flows very nicely. I love that it actually made me feel sad while reading it. Great work!

[deeps]

I really like this one, I can sense strong emotion.

[ABitBrokenPoetry]

i really like this poem. its simple, but brilliant. i think your word choice is smooth & perfect, portraying this other person's mind as you are revealing to yourself the brutal truth: that there's no room. a darkly brilliant write.

[Winter McPherson]

I liked the rythm to this poem. Beats out a little drum of lonliness. The person who is the beloved is obssessed with themselves and has no ability to return the love. Sad.

[Drew Wade]

This is a good start and immediately grabs my attention because of the last two lines of every stanza. You have this beating-around-the-bushiness that an english person might use, and it really works to set the tone for the poem. I am a sucker for that kind of stuff.

What I would consider doing to develop this poem a little more is changing up the lines that precede it. it's not that they're bad, it's just that they are off in their own little world and don't have much to do with the last two lines.. thematically they do, but structurally they don't. do you understand what I'm saying? i think I do, but then, I've been known to confuse myself.

i liked this.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Ouch... to be pushed aside for life little problems is always a shot to the heart... a short piece but damn I could feel the pain.